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I'm having a hard time letting go of my emotionally abusive ex

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Old 10-05-2008, 01:31 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ny
Posts: 73
patteecake HB User
I'm having a hard time letting go of my emotionally abusive ex

It's been since Thursday evening i've spoken to him. I've wrote several posts in the past about the situation. Heres a short synopsis.

I am a single mom to a 4 1/2 yr old. I have full custody. The last time he saw our son was 2 mths ago. He moved to FL for 2 yrs and moved back a yr ago. He finally broke up with his ex 4 mths ago. My son has 2 half sisters that he has met but don't see much other than when he sees his dad. She lives with one child 10 mins away from me (we don't talk) and he lives with the other child with his parents 40 mins from me. He works as a bakery delievery man part time. His daughter goes to preschool and so does my son. He recently broke up with another gf he was dating for a mth and now he wants me back.

The thing is i lied about seeing someone to get him to leave me alone
and he used wanting to see our son, as a way to get alone with me.
I'm in counseling due to bi polar. Its been a rough 5 yrs of dealing with the emotional abuse, so i ended up in counseling a yr ago and recently in the middle of July i ended up for a 2nd time being hospitalized for a emotional breake down.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship before him. The first hospitalization was b/c of my first ex. I was so depressed it was hard to find anything worth my life. I noticed alot of simliarities in both my ex's although, my first ex was very threatening and i was scared he was going to kill me. He moved out of state and i stopped calling him. My current ex rescued me from going back to my first ex. He created my low self esteem and my gaining weight struggle. He would call me names and he hasn't helped me at all during the 4 1/2 yrs our son has been born. he hasn't helped me except court ordered child support, 20 dollars and a dollar store christmas present for our son last christmas. Meanwhile i've bought their children christmas, birthday presents, easter, halloween, and if i saw something i picked it up. No more, i sold the stuff i bought for them at the yardsale this summer. I have stopped buying for them.

Now 5 yrs later i finally see that his life is falling apart and mine is just beginning. In 2 weeks my parents will be finished with my basement apartment. I am supposed to go back to college in Jan, if i save enough money. I've been losing weight for the past 4 1/2 yrs, 71 lbs and i'm getting depressed. I have my period and i've gained 2lbs. I'm crying everyday and my aniexty and stress level is hitting the roof. (i take meds for this, i might need a higher dosage) My counslor wants to intervene and told me i have this to think about. Have my mom change my password to my sn i im him on. He doesn't have my other one. Then delete him and his ex out of my profile. Then slowly move on one day at a time. I've started the first process, i've not been on my sn since Thursday. I am having a hard time. He is supposed to call me today. I don't know if i'll pick up or not. We are supposed to hang out so he can see our son, then he wants to "talk". I'm scared to be alone or intimate or anything with him. His ex has a hold on him and she reads everything we write to each other. I can't leave emails anymore about personal things. Only about our son. I feel threaten by this girl. She is younger than me and after yrs of trying to break them up, finally they broke up on their own. I have doubts of dating him,

I also am ready to settle down, he don't want more children down the rd, i would like a sibling for my son. Also he don't want someone that don't work. I'm a stay at home mom and i occasionally babysit. He recently said he's ok with that. But what if i stop babysitting is he going to demand i get another job? Also our son is disabled and has asmatha. My son's father said he'd help me, when he's never helped me before. I have so much to do, i need to go food shopping, i need to get my son to the dentist. I should make him help me, but my parents said leave him alone. My dad thinks i'll get back with him. I'm so confused, i don't know what i want. My parents think he's playing games with me. I want to look him in the eye and make him be honest to me.

I wrote a letter pretending to be my pretend bf and it said this:

I'm sure you know i'm seeing your ex. She had told me she still has feelings for you. I trust her and i have no problem with both of you hanging out b/c you have a child together. I just want to know if you still have feelings for her? I'm not judging you. I just would like you to be honest with me. if you want to be with her, your going to have to show her that you are going to change. She has told me that she is confused and she has alot to think about. I will let her go if you really want to be with her. But i want to say one thing. Don't hurt her, she is dealing with alot right now and she is not well. So if you really want to help her, don't pressure her and be there for her. Also word of advice she likes when men call her. That makes her feel happy. She is not like other women. She is special and she has so much love to give. You are lucky to have a handsome son and a wonderful woman who is just so full of life.

I've lost my mind and i can't get myself out of this mess. I don't know what's next...

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Old 10-05-2008, 02:00 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Florida
Posts: 656
cathy1 HB Usercathy1 HB User
Re: I'm having a hard time letting go of my emotionally abusive ex

Bottom line is if you are with someone who is likes to abuse the women he is with you are going to be abused. If you let someone in your life that is abusive you will be abused. There is NOTHING redeeming about an abusive person. All you have to do is simply stop. It may feel like an addiction if you have your own self esteem issues as most people that allow themselves to be with someone who is an abuser somehow feels they deserve it. Ask youself this question: Do I feel that I deserve to be abused? If you say no, then you simply must cut all ties from this man and anyone else that is sucking the life out of you.

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