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  • HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

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    Old 10-08-2008, 05:20 PM   #1
    iamhere2008
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    HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    I am in love with someone who works for me. We are both married. We both have kids. I have never met anyone who I have felt was so right for me. She has never lead me on. My feelings are not reciprocated. I really do not love my wife any more and have not for years. I have tried to make it work, but the feeling is not there. I thought that no matter what no one should get divorced if children were involved (except physical/mental abuse towards the spouse). Should this marriage go on. I feel that it is under false pretenses. I do not want to continue if divorce is inevitable. My wife is 40 and I do not want to ruin her chances of a life without me.

     
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    Old 10-08-2008, 06:41 PM   #2
    IZZY'SMOM
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    What makes you think she cant have a life without you? Im really confused. Just curious, does life end at 40 for a woman who is married to a man who doesnt love her?
    xoxoxo,
    IZZY'SMOM

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 10-08-2008 at 06:45 PM.

     
    Old 10-08-2008, 06:54 PM   #3
    iamhere2008
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    no it does not end at 40.. I know that I am being dishonest and feel that I am stealing some of her youth. I am sure she would have a life without me, I feel guilty, but I guess it is warranted.

     
    Old 10-08-2008, 07:41 PM   #4
    andiesq70
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    Why do you think she would have no life without you-----Izzy's Mom asked the same question and you didn't give an answer. How long has your affair been going on? As far as working with someone who does not love you------you made your bed now lie in it. As far as divorce, it is better to be unfaithful, lie and put on an act rather than be monogamous, truthful and honest----I don't think many people would agree.

     
    Old 10-08-2008, 07:44 PM   #5
    IZZY'SMOM
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    Be honest with her, and you wont be stealing it from her. You never know...maybe shes unhappy, too. You honestly owe it to her AND to your kids MOST importantly to be honest with her and tell her how you feel.

    I think you are under estimating her. And for God's sake, again, be honest and tell her. Be a man, and be honest. Thats all I can say. You'll feel better for it in the long run, and if you are worrying about her getting hurt, its like a bandaid. Rip it off, tell her and let her have a life with someone who will love and adore her and treat her like the princess she is.

    I hope this woman you work with is worth it, and I hope she is worth turning your childrens' world upside down. This is so sad. If i were her, Id want to know. You owe it to her. How long has this been going on? Have you guys done any counseling? How old are your kids? All of this has a huge factor in to what you are asking, and IM just trying to be clear. Im not trying to bust you, but without more info, other than what youve said, thats about all I can say.

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 10-08-2008 at 07:47 PM.

     
    Old 10-08-2008, 08:24 PM   #6
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    Hello Georgia,
    You have received some good advise.
    Here's what I think.
    If you separate from your wife is does not guarantee you will get this women at work.
    I'm happy & married, I love someone at work who is happy & married as well, we are 100% platonic friends with great respect for each other, no secrets & nothing to hide from anybody.
    Maybe you could use the spark from your friendship at work to rekindle your marrage, the seed of love for your wife is still in your heart it just needs sunlight to sprout, that would at least be a possible option & better than dreaming about the girl at work & a relationship that can never happen, right?
    You are mad the girl at work is not interested, could you be taking it out on your wife, the mind & heart sometime work in strange ways, sort out your feelings be sure of them before you hurt your wife.

    Take Care!
    California

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 01:03 AM   #7
    iamhere2008
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    You have all be very helpful. Especially you California. I do take this situation seriously. The feelings with my wife have been going on for several years (before I began working with the other woman). I did think that if I got involved with this other woman this may get more settled at home. I know that sounds backwards. Don't you ever feel like you have carried a relationship so long that you just get drained? I am at that point and it is hard to change the way someone feels about life. That maybe why I am drawn to this woman at work. We have worked together 3 years and have been platonic the whole time. We tried to meet after work hours twice, but something came up with our schedules. Again you have all given me good insight. I just need to let some of my feelings and thoughts out to someone who is not involved in this situation.

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 02:39 AM   #8
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    If you have the remote idea in your mind that you want to have an affair you need to step out of your marriage. Its not fair to your spouse for you to do such a thing. Just break off the marriage and go about your life. Still see your kids of course but I see nothing of staying in a marriage you don't want to be in and cheating. And this is the same I have told anyone that has ever mentioned cheating on a spouse to me.

    As for how to work with someone who does not love you, well you need to put those feelings aside and do your job. Thats what you are paid to do. And if you just can not put your feelings aside for this other woman who is also married then maybe you need to find a different job.

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 06:48 PM   #9
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    Hello Georgia,
    At one time in my life I was kind of in the same boat as you are now, it's kind of like living in a dreamworld an excape.
    I finaly realized it's best to deal with things & make the most out of what I have to work with.
    Sometimes I get frustrated & mad at my husband so much that I feel I don't want him at all but at the same time I never want anyone else to have him.
    I feel like I do need him in my life, we have been through a lot in 18 years.
    I don't think any relationship is perfect especialy when you get to know the other person really well.
    My friend at work who I think very highly of said to me one day "if you were my wife I would be dead" he said that because I like to talk a lot & it hurts his head.

    Thank you,
    CA

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 07:01 PM   #10
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    I hope you can find some solutions to your dilemnas but I find it hard to swallow that just because you have been unhappy for some time means you are looking to find love somewhere else. Like somebody has said already, relationships are ALWAYS something both people have to work at. You sound like you have a good heart and I'm glad to hear that you did not get physical but sometimes the emotional affairs are worse than the physical ones. I'm not trying to condemn you and don't know all the circumstances leading you to where you are but I hope you will be able to either repair your marriage or get out, for your sake and your wife. Take care.

     
    Old 10-09-2008, 09:43 PM   #11
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    Re: HOw do I work with someone I am in love with who does not love me?

    before you divorce you guys sit down and talk, go to counsling, what ever it takes to save your marrige,
    the grass is not always greener on the other side especially in a realtionship.

    you say you don't love your wife but you stay with her and feel guilty because of the kids and your taken away her youth.

    you ever thought that if she don't have a clue as to whats going on? you would be taking away all her self asteem digity and she would probably think it was her that has failed in the marriage!

    if you trully don't love your wife please tell her and tell her you like her as a friend that sorta thing be a man about it.
    sounds like to me your being blind as to what you already have, altho yhis co worker is fun to be with and you like her comapny theres a lot of other serious things to be concider here one is screwing around with someones life like this.......> your wife by all means.

    I'm not sure if you just want a one night stand with this co worker or not? but if you have fallen in Love with her, tell her you have...what does she say about it? (the co worker)

    I bet if the truth was known you still love your wife and this is all about infidelity on your part.
    what if you divorce and this co worker drop you like a hot patato then what....thats why I say the grass is not always greener on the other side.

    try to save your marrige is the best advice I can give you.
    start to rekindel the flame enjoy your family.

     
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