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  • Husband jealous of relationship with baby and other issues,HELP

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    Old 10-18-2008, 09:21 PM   #1
    visconti
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    Husband jealous of relationship with baby and other issues,HELP

    he keeps on getting defensive and says its my baby too.......I havent implied that the baby isnt...but if i say anything he gets super jealous or whatever the word is....if i say..no let me do it (ie, clean after the baby or do something) he'd be like...why I cant do it? its my baby!! or if i say she doesnt need to wear this ,he's like...i can dowhatever i want to.......its my child..


    what does this behaviour mean? its our first child...our relationship has been rocky at times...but comments like that are starting to worry me....its like a simple thing like saying the baby smiles at me and then him going off and saying she does that to me too...

    can you some one pls explain to me this ? how do i deal with it?

    He also seems to be jealous or annoyed of the fact of my family being mch more involved in our life than his..and in the baby's life...my mother calls me everyday (She lives in a diff contenant) and asks about the baby...she knows about every vaccine and sickness the baby has gone through..his mom..not so much even though we live half an hour away.....yet she always says how much she missed the baby and when the baby is finally with her..she barely spends time with the baby and the irritates me...and i think my husband knows it and it irritates him.(he will always side with his mother, he wasnt like that when we first met,,but he;s changed alot)



    I have been rather lonely the past month or two..he has been quite distant and ive been spending quite a few nights lonely in bed while he sits on his computer...its drifting me apart from him the more nights it happens....and i dont want this new issue making the drift even larger...

     
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    Old 10-18-2008, 10:10 PM   #2
    AnnD
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    Re: Husband jealous of relationship with baby and other issues,HELP

    Unfortunately he is jealous and immature and there is not too much you can do about his immaturity. It sounds like you now have two babies to deal with. It is unfortunate that you will never be able to share the wonders of what your baby does throughout the day without him coming unglued. You aren't alone in this...there are many men that are jealous of their own children because they think they no longer get the undivided attention. I'm guessing you two are young? Good luck.

     
    Old 10-18-2008, 10:17 PM   #3
    negot
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    Re: Husband jealous of relationship with baby and other issues,HELP

    What you are going through is not uncommon. I believe that some men do get jealous because of the closeness the mother has with the baby. Try to involve your husband more and do not exclude him. For example, you can point out when the baby is smiling at him and ask him for his input what the baby should wear. It is also probably hard for your husband to see how uninvolved his family is and how little interest they take in the baby. Imagine how you would feel if your family didn't care much about your child. Try to have compassion with your husband. He sees how much your mother cares and that just compounds and shows him how little his own mother cares about her grandchild. Your husband's behavior isn't unusual nor is it without explanation. Try to involve him as much as possible and I bet that you'll see a lot of difference in his behavior. Also, don't compare how much your family versus his family cares about your baby.

    Last edited by negot; 10-18-2008 at 10:20 PM.

     
    Old 10-18-2008, 10:47 PM   #4
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    Re: Husband jealous of relationship with baby and other issues,HELP

    I'm not sure what the situation is with your marriage as you don't say too much about the relationship in general. I can only comment on one thing.... if you don't let him do anything with the baby, thinking that only you can do it "the right way", then you are going to alienate /drive your husband away. If he wants to change your child or help... ... then why not let him??? If you act like he isn't capable of doing simple things for your child then he is going to feel left out. Ask yourself how you would feel if your husband wouldn't let you do anything with your own child. Being the mother doesn't mean that you are the only one that can do things right.

    Now if he is jealous of your child and acting like a child himself about it.. then you need to bring him in on helping you even more. If he's being a jerk... or if he is a jerk in general, then the baby stuff is going to make him (your husband) act out even more.

    Last edited by cathy1; 10-18-2008 at 10:51 PM.

     
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