It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Am I being too jealous?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 10-28-2008, 08:22 AM   #1
    js223
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    js223's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2008
    Location: NY
    Posts: 4
    js223 HB User
    Am I being too jealous?

    my gf went to see a concert (new kids on the block) with a bunch of friends tonight. apparently she was obsessed with them as a kid. she called when she got there and I wished her an awesome time. two hours go by and her friend sends me a series of text messages telling me that I should go to my girlfriend's house because she is really horny because of this group.

    I called my girlfriend and told her what went down, she asked what was bothering me and I told her that her getting worked up over other guys hurt my feelings.... now she is ****** at me for ruining her night... am i unreasonable?

    she is really blowing things out of proportion and saying that I am no longer allowed to talk to her friends. that she hates me for ruining another memory, and that i am being selfish.

    she even went ahead and updated an online profile to say that she is completely obsessed with this group again. After telling her how I felt she goes to throw it in my face.

    See the way I look at it is that lusting after a man is lusting after a man. It doesn't matter if he is a celebrity or not. The fact that she was lustful over another man is eating at me.

    we are in our 30's and I really wish this wouldn't bother me but it really does. She dismisses my feelings as being ridiculous.

    Last edited by js223; 10-28-2008 at 08:26 AM.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 10-28-2008, 08:36 AM   #2
    Mileena42
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Mileena42's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Alabama
    Posts: 778
    Mileena42 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    Well, in one way I agree with you, but only because of how you were texted saying your GF was horny. On the other hand, I have always had a hard time understanding people getting jealous of famous people, after all it isn't like your GF would ever have a chance to be with one of those guys.....

    BUT I also understand that the actual thought of another man turning your GF on is the problem. So, I will say this......it does sound like she went overboard and took the whole thing to an extreme. I see nothing wrong with going to concerts and even finding the musicians sexy, but I can honestly say I never got "horny" from being at one. However my sister did cry when she saw Steven Tyler of Aerosmith once!

    Mileena

    Last edited by Mileena42; 10-28-2008 at 08:37 AM. Reason: Who knows?

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 08:40 AM   #3
    Executor
    Inactive
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2008
    Posts: 3,998
    Executor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by js223 View Post
    See the way I look at it is that lusting after a man is lusting after a man. It doesn't matter if he is a celebrity or not. The fact that she was lustful over another man is eating at me..
    I couldn't agree with you more. You have every right to feel this way. You're jealous because you care. She has blinders on because she's so enamored with the situation....People can't see straight when they get like this.

    Quote:
    two hours go by and her friend sends me a series of text messages telling me that I should go to my girlfriend's house because she is really horny because of this group.
    What the heck?? What does your girlfriend think you're supposed to do...Nothing??!?? I mean...What gives?? I'd be in a panic if I got this kind of phone call.

    I think you have to fight fire with fire...I'd sit her down and explain your feelings and give her some example using the opposite sex. Ask her how she'd feel if you went to a Mirah Carey or Shania Twain concert and behaved the same way, and then afterwards, your friends called her with the same message. Ask her how'd she feel?

    As far as her friends, they were obviously concerned enough to text you. Sounds like they were probably looking after both of you. I'd tell her that she shouldn't be mad at you because after all, they contacted you! I'd also tell her that putting up a road block between you and her friends is immature and middle school like, and isn't going to solve anything....All it's going to do is reinforce the trust issue you have to start with. I'd ask her how many couples with successful relationships have this kind of thing in place....It's absurd.

    I hate to be so crass, but this woman needs to grow up. As you said, she's in her 30s.

    Take care, and good luck.

    Ex

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 08:43 AM   #4
    hoopty
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    hoopty's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: USA
    Posts: 115
    hoopty HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    To me she sounds EXTREMELY immature...I mean you're in your 30s...she's acting like she's a teenager-Giiiii!!!!!!. Maybe your problems goes beyond a jealousy issue and maybe you just aren't on the same page in your lives. As far as her getting worked up over a celebrity I see that to be exactly the same as men getting worked up over looking at a Playboy Magazine. Do you do that? Well it's just the same!
    __________________
    Monkey see...monkey do...
    Secrets are nothing more than lies in disguise.
    Love is fragile...handle with care!

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 08:44 AM   #5
    Executor
    Inactive
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2008
    Posts: 3,998
    Executor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB UserExecutor HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mileena42 View Post

    after all it isn't like your GF would ever have a chance to be with one of those guys.....
    It's not that far out of the realm of possibility. This kind of stuff happens all the time at concerts....Especially when women are so obsessed with the band...They make themselves available. I know it's probably not "likely", but certainly is "possible." It's the "obsession" that would concern me, not the typical behavior fans display at concerts.

    Ex

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 09:00 AM   #6
    Mary83
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Mary83's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: Colorado
    Posts: 385
    Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    I think it's all a bit immature and got made a much bigger issue of than it really is. I assume her friends texted you telling you she was horny as a joke, not really to be taken so seriously. I don't think her friends were concerned for her or for you, they just thought it was funny.

    I understand you're upset about her lusting after other men, but at the same time, I don't really see the big deal. I have a huge crush on a celebrity and I will say things about him in front of my boyfriend, like "ohhh there's my husband!", and he just laughs at me. He knows I love HIM and not this other celebrity that I will never meet. And even if I did meet him, I would still love my boyfriend and ONLY my boyfriend.

    There is a line of being disrespectful, depending on what is said and how often it's said. If I was constantly going around my boyfriend saying sexual things I want to do to a celebrity, then that might be crossing the line. But your gf went to a concert, saw the guys that millions of girls had/have crushes on (including me when I was a kid), and her friend texted you a joke. It wasn't a matter of "oh you better get over here because your gf is so horny, and if you don't, she's going to sleep with one of the new kids on the block". LOL.

    I think there is something more than just this one little issue, because I really don't see the issue here. Do you maybe have other issues or jealousy issues with her?

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 09:45 AM   #7
    Seraph
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 5,444
    Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    I tend to agree with Mary. If her pals hadn't texted you (yeah, ha ha very funny), it would have been a non-event. I can understand her, if that was the case being annoyed at your over reaction to the whole thing. I question that she was really so "turned on"; it is the sort of reaction that is fun when our idols are on stage, our friends are there enjoying the moment, and we carry on in a foolish fashion, never really dreaming that it is serious or going to be taken as cheating on our loved ones. So it is immature, it is great to revisit our foolish youth once in a while. Lighten up. Get rid of those stupid friends, that was pretty out of order. Sera

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 10:08 AM   #8
    Kszan
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Posts: 5,246
    Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    I do think you're overreacting. And read Sera's response again because I think she's got the right idea.

    Tell your gf she should learn about what Real Music is supposed to be. Like Coldplay, U2, Radiohead, and classic bands like Led Zeppelin, The Doors, AC/DC and Yes. New Kids isn't even music, it's a bunch of dorky guys prancing around on stage looking goofy. Don't be jealous of those guys. Ask anyone normal whether they think New Kids is even a real band and they'll probably fall down on the floor laughing!! Seriously! Don't be jealous of those guys! They are the butt of a hundred or more different jokes because they really are that lame. It's hilarious to see how people get all freaked out over a bunch of no-talent hacks like them!

    Anyway, your gf was probably just trying to get back at you for overreacting. Next time she says something like that to you, what you really need to do is laugh at her and ask her why she idolizes such a lame boy band that has no talent? And school her on having better taste in music!

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 11:46 AM   #9
    Mileena42
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Mileena42's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Alabama
    Posts: 778
    Mileena42 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    Heehhee Kszan! I couldn't agree with you more!

    Mileena

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 12:10 PM   #10
    Redneon82
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Redneon82's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: California
    Posts: 2,093
    Redneon82 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    I hope you didn't seriously get mad at your girlfriend over this! I would never allow one of my SO's friends to cause a major fight between us. However, I do think it was meant in fun, like maybe her friend thought you'd be happy that your G/F was coming home all fired up with you as the beneficiary.

    My SO has a big crush on Gwen Stefani. He's gone so far as to say she's the "perfect woman". Well, she is adorable! And I'm no Gwen, but he's not ignoring me to drool over pictures of her. I'm the one he's living with. I have a big crush on a Nascar driver and a couple of NFL players, but if I'm watching football or a race and I get a little fired up watching sweaty athletes, he certainly doesn't get jealous! He just figures, he's going to get lucky later!

    I think there are much more important issues to get worked up over. A cheesy boy band concert shouldn't be one of them.

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 12:37 PM   #11
    js223
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    js223's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2008
    Location: NY
    Posts: 4
    js223 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    I guess my problem is that I think it is wrong for her to get all fired up over any other man.

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 01:09 PM   #12
    hoopty
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    hoopty's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: USA
    Posts: 115
    hoopty HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by js223 View Post
    I guess my problem is that I think it is wrong for her to get all fired up over any other man.
    Do you get fired up over Playboy(and the like)?
    __________________
    Monkey see...monkey do...
    Secrets are nothing more than lies in disguise.
    Love is fragile...handle with care!

    Last edited by hoopty; 10-28-2008 at 01:09 PM.

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 01:30 PM   #13
    Redneon82
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Redneon82's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: California
    Posts: 2,093
    Redneon82 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    Well, not to be rude, but that's your issue, not hers. You can't expect that she will think you are the only attractive man on the planet! As long as she is focusing her love and commitment (and body) on you, I can't see that there's a problem unless you choose to make one.

    You have her! Can you just enjoy her and not let insecurities ruin your relationship?

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 01:32 PM   #14
    happymom28
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    happymom28's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2006
    Location: New Hampshire
    Posts: 4,195
    happymom28 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    I'm a woman in my 30s who went to this same concert about a month ago. My husband knew I was obsessed with the blue eyed one when I was 13 and thought the fact that a group of us girls were going was hysterical. He and I are both mature enough to know that you can find another person attractive and not have it be insulting to the other.

    Now, with that being said I really think her friends were joking around with you. I'm willing to bet there were a few other boyfriends who got similar calls/texts and I'm sure non of them got this worked up. She was at a concert, most likely had a few drinks, and was feeling silly like she did when she was a teenager. If my husband reacted the way you did I think I would be pretty mad at him too.

    I have to ask you js223, do you find any other woman on this planet attractive or just your girlfriend? Do you and your buddies ever go out and comment on a woman's looks? Do you watch porn or look at magazines? She was at a concert! She wasn't all "fired up" the way you think she was. She was having a good time with her friends and she was going to share her excitement with you afterwards. It seems to me your overreaction may have blown a good after party.

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 02:34 PM   #15
    js223
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    js223's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2008
    Location: NY
    Posts: 4
    js223 HB User
    Re: Am I being to jealous?

    thanks happymom28... see if she explained it like you did I would not have an issue. But, she said in her own words that she was "hot and bothered" over the entire group.

    I said that lusting after other men is wrong... she said "well I must be wrong then". what exactly am I interpretting wrong?

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Is my husband being abusive? Any input is appreciated. negot Relationship Health 56 08-28-2008 11:00 PM
    She gets jealous of all my female friends being my friend. Kwagmire Relationship Health 24 08-30-2007 07:13 AM
    Not being jealous ?????? twotulips Relationship Health 9 05-13-2005 12:59 AM
    WHY can't i stop being jealous?! surrealmeal Relationship Health 13 03-31-2004 03:47 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:42 PM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!