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  • Guilt over split with my husband

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    Old 10-27-2008, 02:06 PM   #1
    Karen1960
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    Guilt over split with my husband

    three months ago I left my husband of 27 years for my ex fiance, who i looked up {REMOVED}. I had never truly gotten over him but believed that i was trying to contact him for a catch up as the younger generation seem to do. When we met it was instant chemistry. He told me he had never got over me and i knew I had never go over him. We were both married, he was unhappy in his marriage and was planning on leaving his wife and i still loved my husband though not in the way i did when we first married, we have had many ups and downs, my husband was a man who had obsessive hobbies and these had caused financial problems and arguments over the years. however, fundimentally he is a good, caring man, who i know loves me.
    My marriage ended two days before our youngest daughters wedding,when our oldest daughter read some messages on my mobile phone. She made me confess all to her dad. I was not ready to do this, because i needed to be sure that i loved my ex fiance and that it was not old memories that we were feeling, I did not want to destroy my marriage and hurt everyone involved if my feelings were not guenuine.
    I now live with my ex fiance, we are really happy and in love, however, my husband has tried suicide, violence, lost his job, sunk into depression and moved in another woman into his new home. I am also filled with guilt, sadness, devistation at what has happened. It is like a black cloud over my happiness. Which ever way I jump I will deeply hurt someone - my ex husband who is hurting now or my new partner, who adores me too and has already been through a painful breakup by me.
    I am going to try the councelling route I think, as I know deep down that if I went back to my husband, he would be happy and I would feel the same discontent that I have been feeling for the past 10 years.
    Putting my wedding ring away and separating our personal belongings has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I am grieving deeply for the end of a reasonable 27 year marriage to a man that I still love but am not in love with.

    Last edited by Moderator BAC; 10-28-2008 at 01:03 PM. Reason: Do not post websites without the Administrators approval. Read and follow our rules!

     
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    Old 10-28-2008, 05:42 AM   #2
    Raeann
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    Re: I left my Husband, the guilt is killing me, help

    Oh my gosh Karen, sounds almost exactly like me. I know exactly how you are feeling. I've been separated now for two months. My husband also wants me back but only for his own happiness, not mine. My husband is also a good man but he also had his hobbies at the expense of me. He would stay up late every night doing his "thing" while I laid in bed all alone, night after night.

    I also looked up an old flame and discovered he had been waiting for me all these years and had never married. I have found complete joy with this man.

    And yes the guilt is still killing me. Just last night husband called and was all down in the dumps, fighting depression again, same old sob story. But after two months I'm beginning to see a pattern. Whenever he was upset I automatically took on his feelings as my own. I would get so down right along with him and feel like it was all my fault. Lately I've come to realize that I AM NOT responsible for his feelings anymore. He needs to own up to his own failings and why this marriage is coming to an end and that its not all MY fault. After I got off the phone with him I decided to ignore the guilt I was feeling and went out and got myself a nice dinner. What a freeing feeling that was. Now I'm not saying that the guilt is gone by any means but its going away little by little.

    My new/old guy is moving here at the end of this week. Can you say JOY! We are not moving in together as I want to do it the old fashioned way and be courted for awhile. I think I deserve that. After living with a cold fish for 25 years I'm looking forward to it. And yes I do still love my husband but am not in love with him.

    I am in counseling too and so far the counselor has really opened my eyes. I need to concentrate on me for a change and quit taking on everyone else's problems as my own. I think you should try it too.

    Good luck and anytime you would like to talk I'm here.

    Last edited by Moderator BAC; 10-28-2008 at 01:04 PM. Reason: Removed Quote due to posting violation

     
    Old 10-28-2008, 04:26 PM   #3
    jerr8899
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    Re: Guilt over split with my husband

    This relates to what I am going through right now. Your experiences have been helpful.

    What if the "old flame" had decided he didn't want to interfere in your marriages and kept his distance? Would you have been better off?

     
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