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  • can flirting be harmless?

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    Old 11-05-2008, 10:19 AM   #1
    CKL
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    can flirting be harmless?

    Just wondering if flirting can be OK if you're married...there's an attractive dad at my child's school and we always seem to find ourselves in one-on-one conversations at various gatherings. Never inappropriate conversations but I guess you could say playful? It seems more like just enjoying someone's company than anything sinister and I know it would never lead to anything. One thing that made me wonder is he found me on a networking site, which kind of surprised me. I guess I'm wondering if it's OK to have somewhat flirtatious conversations with someone if you have no intention of taking it further? When is it considered "flirting" anyway?? Thanks.

     
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    Old 11-05-2008, 10:36 AM   #2
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    I personally think that it is dangerous. I recently found out that my husband has been flirting with someone at work and it is very hurtful. Remember that if you wouldn't do it right there in front of your husband, then what you are doing is probably wrong.

    Now there is a difference between being friendly with someone by chatting than actually flirting. To me, flirting means that there is a sexual aspect or sexual tension within the conversation. You can feel it.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 11:23 AM   #3
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    Well as you can see...one thing leads to another...flirting lead to him finding you on the popular networking site...that could lead to something else easily. Really that's how easily an affair starts!
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    Last edited by BeaTrade; 11-05-2008 at 11:39 AM.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 03:39 PM   #4
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    trystme sorry what happened with your husband. I know I'm a hypocrite b/c I'd be hurt in that situation too. But honestly i'm having a hard time distinguishing between flirting and friendly chat as you say...I don't know that I feel sexual tension, but maybe a connection. And like I said we do seem to end up together in these group situations, whether it is coincidence or he is making an effort I don't know. Another thing is he seems to have read my profile in detail b/c he keeps mentioning things from it - like oh I read that you like this type of music, etc.

    I do know that an affair is NOT going to happen! I have an active imagination so maybe I'm just reading way too much into it...

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 03:48 PM   #5
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    It sounds like he wants something to happen and you don't. Maybe you need to make it clear to this guy that you would not consider having any kind of inappropriate relationship with him or anyone else. Sometimes you do have to make it clear. I've had guys think I wanted them when all I did was say "hello" back when they said "hello" to me.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 04:14 PM   #6
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    The danger in flirting is that the signals he receives may not be the ones you send. You send playful, he receives seductive. I think this has happened here, he obviously thinks you would be interested in taking it further. I don't think flirting per se is so bad, for example it is fun at a party just being appreciated as an attractive person by somebody. That is fun, but if it is regular it becomes something else, and you need to be very careful around it. Sera.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 04:55 PM   #7
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    Really? You think he thinks I want more?? Wow. I wonder if you're right. I was taking it more as being appreciated as an attractive or interesting person. Is there some way I can find this out without having a big confrontation and making it awkward (our kids are good friends)? If I said something like "I don't want an inappropriate relationship" he might say "huh?? what are you talking about?" and then it's completely awkward, you know? I guess I could just start backing off a bit and see what happens.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 05:42 PM   #8
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CKL View Post
    Really? You think he thinks I want more?? Wow. I wonder if you're right. I was taking it more as being appreciated as an attractive or interesting person. Is there some way I can find this out without having a big confrontation and making it awkward (our kids are good friends)? If I said something like "I don't want an inappropriate relationship" he might say "huh?? what are you talking about?" and then it's completely awkward, you know? I guess I could just start backing off a bit and see what happens.
    I think you like him and are wondering your chances. Are you? Honestly?

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 05:56 PM   #9
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    I do like him, but not wondering my chances or wanting more, honestly.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 07:56 PM   #10
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    Just the fact the you are posting this thread makes me think that on some level you know that you may be playing with fire. I think it is a good idea to back off, especially as you say that your kids are good friends.

     
    Old 11-05-2008, 08:11 PM   #11
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    I know of a couple who flirted, much as you are describing, over e-mails. The husband eventually found the e-mails and read them. He then confronted the other man and asked him to stay the heck away from his wife and stop e-mailing her. They both claimed it was all in fun, but the husband sure didn't see it that way!

    Think of this...would you talk to this man that way in front of your husband? In front of his wife? If not, then it's inappropriate and you need to end it.

     
    Old 11-06-2008, 09:14 AM   #12
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    Like I said the conversations themselves are not inappropriate, I think it's the fact that we kind of gravitate toward each other. But yes I know you're all right, that I need to back off. It's hard because it's like a little ego boost, but that's where it gets dangerous I think...when you look forward to it or overthink it like I'm doing now! I just need to find a balance where we can still be friendly since our kids are friends.

    Thanks all for your input...it's been very helpful. I welcome any more thoughts if you have them!

     
    Old 11-06-2008, 01:23 PM   #13
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    Does your husband boost your ego? There must be some reason why you look to another man to boost your ego. Maybe you feel your husband takes you for granted, or is just so used to you being around that he doesn't make an effort anymore.

    I try this...I fix up a little more than usual and put on something pretty or sexy and wear it for my man. A couple of weeks ago I was meeting a girlfriend for dinner and was wearing a pretty dress (I usually wear jeans). My guy's dad, brother in law, and buddy saw me and they all showered me with compliments. He got a kick out of it too. Try it, and see if it works!

     
    Old 11-07-2008, 08:58 AM   #14
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    No I am pretty starved for attention from hubby...don't want to whine about it though, b/c I know it takes two to make a marriage work so I'm obviously partly to blame. Kind of a vicious circle...he's not affectionate, so I get mad and pull away too, and so on.

    I like your idea to fix up...I've tried it occasionally and he usually doesn't notice. But there was one time when I wore this kind of sexy black thing to bed and that got his attention So maybe more of that!

     
    Old 11-07-2008, 09:09 AM   #15
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    Re: can flirting be harmless?

    You might also trying giving him compliments too. I am also guilty of forgetting to compliment my guy sometimes. He's pretty good about telling me how sexy he thinks I am and I usually react like an idiot, blushing and stammering, and forget to tell him he's a sexy tiger too. It's easy to let things get stale, but every once in a while, fire things up! It's fun!

     
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