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    Old 11-21-2008, 05:17 PM   #1
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    emotional abuse

    I have been married to my husband for 19 years and I have struggled with his lack of respect for me his ability to make everything my fault and of course he can never actually say he is sorry. because he firnds ways to justify all of his actions. I don't recall him losing any sleep over our relationship or even missing a hockey game bowling night or night with the guys. I recently purchased a book on emotional abuse and I am relating to the majority of what is described as emotional abuse . But then I wonder if the anger I have toward him over the years has made me emotionally abusive as well. I am so confused and I don't get anywhere with him. Oh yes he says he loves me and just wants me to be happy. He claims to have tried everything to make me happy and according to him I will never be happy. Any advice? How do I get myself to see clearly and objectively?

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    Old 11-22-2008, 12:16 AM   #2
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    Re: emotional abuse

    Can you give us some examples of behavior he exhibits that you would classify as emotional abuse? Some specific examples? Never taking accountability for anything is certainly a character flaw, but without more information I can't really say if he is emotionally abusive or not. All we really know so far is that he spends a lot of time with his friends and doesn't apologize, which isn't necessarily abusive. You say that he says he can never make you happy. Are you high-maintenance, demanding, and hard to please as well? We just need a little more info to help you.

    Last edited by digmusic; 11-22-2008 at 12:17 AM. Reason: grammar

    Old 11-22-2008, 03:48 PM   #3
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    Re: emotional abuse

    This thread is a carbon copy of how my hubby is with me.

    I am at the end of my rope with him, so i will watch this with interest and hopefully gain some good advise.

    I cant give any advice as im emotionally abused too, i have no self esteem left and cant see any way out.

    Old 11-23-2008, 05:42 AM   #4
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    Re: emotional abuse

    There are many forms of emotional abuse. The key is worrying about yourself. Once you work on will begin to see the neglect and abuse in others and will be able to set clear boundaries for yourself. These are his issues. You have your issues. People who get away with emotional abuse are the ones who do it with people with low self-esteem.

    If you are demanding..then those are your issues. By trying to turn things on you..saying it's your fault or you are over-reacting to something..that is emotional abuse. Denying anyone's feelings is emotional abuse.

    Start working on you and you will be able to define those boundaries and only attract other healthy people.

    Old 11-23-2008, 09:48 AM   #5
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    Re: emotional abuse

    As the other posters have pointed out, there is not enough material for anyone to judge your husband, you or both. This is not about making you feel guilty, but it's rather about opening your eyes, if you still need this: if someone is being abusive to you, it's mostly (not always!) because you have allowed him or her to treat you like that. You must find a way of recovering your worth and power. Physical exercise (reshaping your body and posture) is a good start. Does this happen to you only from your husband's side, or do other people treat you in abusive ways, too? It's difficult for one to see oneself clearly and objectively. You might need the feedback from an impartial observer, or maybe you could train yourself to be self-observing: meditation, the Enneagram, NLP, etc could be useful tools for you.

    Last edited by pendulum; 11-23-2008 at 09:49 AM.

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