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  • How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

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    Old 11-22-2008, 10:21 AM   #1
    brokenhearted83
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    How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    How to stay angry at someone who hurt you? I only seem to be able to keep people out of my life if I am angry at them. It takes a lot for me to get angry and stay angry. I am normally a very forgiving person and I am starting to HATE that because I keep letting the bad people in my life come back.
    This isn't just about ex boyfriends. Friends, family, people I work with - I will always forgive and forget, as I follow a life without grudges which take up bad energy. I feel better for forgiving and letting people back. I feel like a better person. But I want to change this. I NEED to change this. How?

    Last edited by brokenhearted83; 11-22-2008 at 10:21 AM.

     
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    Old 11-22-2008, 01:31 PM   #2
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    There is nothing wrong with being a forgiving person; it does depend on a couple of things. If you let these people back and then put up with more of their [email protected], then this is not good. Is this what happens? When you let them back in, it needs to be on your terms. Don't just be a doormat and let them take more advantage of you. Assertiveness is needed. Learn about setting boundaries between you and others so that you have more power to have people treat you properly. You are the only one who can change the dynamics here. Sera.

     
    Old 11-22-2008, 10:30 PM   #3
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    There is a happy medium. It's not healthy to stay angry, but it sounds to me like your real issue is low self esteem. You don't love yourself enough to say "I forgive you, but it's not healthy for me to have you in my life. I wish you well, but I can't be around you anymore." You don't even have to say that in those words, but to adopt the mindset. You don't seem to believe that you deserve to be surrounded by good, decent, honest, respectful people, and so for some reason you choose to keep surrounding yourself with people who are unreliable, untrustworthy, harmful, dishonest, disrespectful, etc. when you learn how to love yourself, to value yourself, your time and your life, then you will be able to forgive these people and at the same time walk away from them knowing that's what's best for you. You need to learn how to take care of YOU, not how to stay angry.

     
    Old 11-23-2008, 12:31 AM   #4
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    I agree with llm's assertion that you need to learn how to take care of yourself, not how to "stay angry." Staying angry is what gives people heart attacks and high blood pressure! The ability to forgive easily and to not hold grudges is a blessing! You will be a much happier and more healthy person for it, believe me. If you are letting people back in your life that treat you badly and are being a doormat, that's another issue. I think this is about poor boundaries or maybe low self-esteem like LLM said, not about anger.

     
    Old 11-24-2008, 11:24 AM   #5
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    don't be angry with them......instead just cut them out of your life.....their loss.....

     
    Old 11-28-2008, 10:20 PM   #6
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    I usually have to cut people out of my life to move on. But I will let them put me down, lie, and be total jerks for quite awhile before I do so. Not sure why. But once I've finally lost faith in someone, it's over like someone flipped a lightswitch. They are quite stupified. The only exception is my crazy family...which I still haven't figured out how to handle.

     
    Old 11-29-2008, 12:36 AM   #7
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    i agree with larrylou'smom. i have the same issue as you....i will get upset with someone and finally make the decision that they are not healthy for me and leave...but a couple of days or weeks later my heart will soften....especially when they come back and ask for forgiveness. normally it would be okay to forgive someone who hurt you once, but i let people back in that have done harmful things over and over again.

    anyways

    larrylou'smom said ""I forgive you, but it's not healthy for me to have you in my life...." i think this is a great line b/c it gives you the opportunity to be nice while having control of the situation.....i think i might try this line myself.

    good luck

     
    Old 11-29-2008, 01:17 AM   #8
    Lance0204
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by brokenhearted83 View Post
    How to stay angry at someone who hurt you? I only seem to be able to keep people out of my life if I am angry at them. It takes a lot for me to get angry and stay angry. I am normally a very forgiving person and I am starting to HATE that because I keep letting the bad people in my life come back.
    This isn't just about ex boyfriends. Friends, family, people I work with - I will always forgive and forget, as I follow a life without grudges which take up bad energy. I feel better for forgiving and letting people back. I feel like a better person. But I want to change this. I NEED to change this. How?
    you don't need to change anything. i think its good that you're forgiving. i'm not forgiving at all and it really isn't healthy. just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that you have to let them back in your life. you forgiveness means that you've put that an end to that chapter and now there's a new beginning. this new beginning doesn't mean that you allow the person back in your life.

     
    Old 12-02-2008, 11:20 PM   #9
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    Re: How to stay angry at someone who hurt you

    I agree and some great advice. MOST of my life I have been a horrendous doormat and everyone treated me like crap. I blame mostly on my dad who treated me very poorly growing up and I had increadibly low self esteem all the way until I turned 25. I am 26 now. I think forgiveing and then cutting the person out is the best way. I used to be to forgiveing and would let people back in my life to easily and maybe at first they were nicer but they always seem to go back to being the same way. IT is like they know as they person they pick on, or use, or whatever and they dont know you any other way. It has taken me years to figure out exactly how horible people were treating me and now it feels so good to have personal power and the ability to walk at any moment. Forgive but cut them out of your life. Sometimes it is good to let them know why, but at the end just let them know that still you cannot have them around. I forgive my Dad for treating me the way he did. HE still treats me bad but he makes an effort to be less selfish and manipulative. I have learned to deal with it, but it is harder and harder to be around him.

     
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