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  • can a sex relationship turn into something more??

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    Old 12-05-2008, 07:52 PM   #1
    lindsjean
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    can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    hi all,

    i would like your opinion or experience on the matter....have any of you had a strictly sexual relationship with someone and it has grown into a healthy partnership relationship?? if you haven't experienced this, do you think it is possible or not?? i know there are a lot of factors involved as to whether it is going to happen or not, such as the two people wanting it to happen....but do you think that the odds of it not happening out weigh the odds of it happening?

    thanks all!

    linds

     
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    Old 12-05-2008, 09:59 PM   #2
    chevyman
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    yes and no.
    but a little advise please don't base your realtionship solely on sex.
    I hope you would base it on trust and honesty and compassion...and of course true Love.

    I wouldn't want a woman to love me just for the sex...or my $$ or just meterial things.

     
    Old 12-05-2008, 11:22 PM   #3
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    I've personally never been in that position one way or the other, but from what I've seen and heard, tie chances of it staying exactly what it started out to be far outweigh the chances of it turning into something more for both parties. If you are in this situation, my advice would be to tell the guy that you realize the deal was strictly casual, no strings sex, and you don't want to change the rules, but you've discovered that you've developed feelings and you want to explore the possiblity of there being more between you and see what happens. If he says "no, just sex" or ends it, then you know and it's better to know now rather than months from now when you're in deeper and it's harder to get out and get over.

     
    Old 12-06-2008, 05:09 PM   #4
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    Men can have sex without feelings. Very few women can. It's that whole nature, looking for good provider thing that is ingrained in us. Men were designed to perpetuate the species, hence the lack of attachment based solely on sexual activity.

    That being said, unless you say something don't expect that the guy is going to suddenly decide you're his girlfriend. You need to speak up and if he balks, you know the deal.

    **I don't mean to imply that all men are uncaring users, just that I've had a lot of talks with men about this very subject. I had one guy tell me that there were some girls he absolutely couldn't stand, but he still wanted to have sex with them. Go figure...

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 08:02 AM   #5
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    I don't think so...I was off and on with a man for 2 years that started off this way...he never could give me commitment and it never ended up being anything special.

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 08:27 AM   #6
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    I guess it would be possible, but in my opinion unlikely. I have been in this position, and it did not work out. It's true what Redneon said about how men and women view the sexual act and feelings. It kind of shocked me once when I talked with an old boyfriend who told me he had rather someone he cared about have casual sex with another man than develope a non sexual emotional affair.

    In a mans mind (LIKE I could really assume to do that!) casual sex is nothing more than a physical release. I am sure men don't like the idea of their GF or wife doing this, but from what I have discovered it isn't half as threatening to them as getting involved on an emotional level. However, women tend to ALWAYS be emotional. SEX and EMOTION tend to go hand in hand for us.

    Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. Women do have casual sex that is totally physical to them, but I tend to think in a womans mind it is ALWAYS in hopes that it will lead to more of a commitment for them. We have a hard time keeping sex and feelings on a different level.

    Mileena

    Last edited by Mileena42; 12-07-2008 at 08:28 AM.

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 09:24 AM   #7
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    I had an FWB with a guy who had been my friend for many years. When I told him I was starting to develop feelings for him, because we connected so well on such a deep level (we used to have these 4 hour long conversations on the phone about so many philosophical subjects), he said that I broke the rules of the FWB and that he's not interested. And subsequently, we went from talking almost every day and seeing each other often to barely speaking more than 1 time a month or so.

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 09:26 AM   #8
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    It is possible. I had a flirtatious/sexual relationship on and off with someone for about three years, and after all that time we both ended up falling in love with each other. (Me much sooner than he of course). But it didn't develop into an actual normal relationship because the circumstances surrounding it were too complicated.

    If you're sleeping with a man but want him to fall for you, there are no guarantees but your main weapon is patience and the ability to act casual. Don't try to push a relationship or act in any way as if you want one. In my above mentioned situation, the guy told me repeatedly not to fall in love with him, and I was very flippant and promised that I wouldn't, although I secretly cried over him all the time. But it eventually led to a moment where the guy had changed his tune and was saying to ME - "I'm afraid that you probably don't feel as much for me as I do for you." Never show your hand until the person has and you know that you've won. That's good advice in general, really.
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    Old 12-07-2008, 01:31 PM   #9
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lindsjean View Post
    hi all,

    i would like your opinion or experience on the matter....have any of you had a strictly sexual relationship with someone and it has grown into a healthy partnership relationship?? if you haven't experienced this, do you think it is possible or not?? i know there are a lot of factors involved as to whether it is going to happen or not, such as the two people wanting it to happen....but do you think that the odds of it not happening out weigh the odds of it happening?

    thanks all!

    linds
    "Can a sex relationship turn into something more?"

    I would say yes, but one of the conditions is that the relationship should last over a quite long period of time. And another is that both parties are single. There are many other conditions, but it is not like two and two make four.

    As for the difference between man and woman, here's an interesting observation: "A man wants to have the woman (that is, her body); a woman wants to have the man's desire."

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 02:31 PM   #10
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    I still think it depends on how you met and what the thoughts were when meeting. So many people toss sex into a relationship so early it's sometimes hard to distinguish between the two.

    Assuming the two people are both open to a true relationship, both are available for a true relationship and there's more chemistry between them than sexual, I believe it is possible. But it's like any other situation.....a lot of stars have to align for it to work.

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 03:03 PM   #11
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    I think women can have sex causually as well. I have known many girls and been with girls that just wanted me for that. I agree I think it is worse for someone to get invovled deeper emotionally than just haveing a one time sex hookup. IT is a two way thing and it is not just men who are like that. For the original question though yes I think it is possible to have a sexual realtion turn into something more. I have had it happen to me. I have also had times when I was just in it for sex and some companionship and wasnt looking for anything serious. When I found out that they wanted a lot more I had to let them go because I didn't want them to get more attacted. Sometimes you just don't click with people on an emotionally level. Now I don't even stay seeing someone if I not interested in them on an emotional level, it is just not worth the heartache that you can cause another if you dont feel the same for them. I have been in the other shoes as well and know what it is like when you want someone for more and they don't.

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 06:52 PM   #12
    lindsjean
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    thanks all for your responses! i really appreciate your honesty and point of views...

    "if I [am] not interested in them on an emotional level, it is just not worth the heartache that you can cause another if you dont feel the same for them. I have been in the other shoes as well and know what it is like when you want someone for more and they don't."
    this line from Mcgunther really hit my soul. i have been on the "not wanting someone end", but now i am on the end of wanting someone that just wants me for sex. there were others that responded saying women are looking for emotional fulfillment and some men are just want the sex....i believe that is true in most cases and as of now it is true in mine.

    i love sex. i do!
    but i have had my fair share of sex only relationships (for 2yrs with my ex and with this guy) and it is just not worth the heartache.....on the other hand i like this guy and we have a great connection (sexually and otherwise) but that is all he wants...so it is either have sex with him and get my emotional and physical needs taking care of for one night...or don't have sex with him, and not get my emotional needs fulfilled at all. now don't get me wrong, i am not basing my total happiness or fulfillment on a guy, however it is nice to feel wanted every now and again by someone i like.

    oh i really liked this line by GypsyArcher as well, "Never show your hand until the person has and you know that you've won." the problem for me is i wear my emotions on my sleeve.... that may not benefit me now but i hope it will show my honesty, to my future husband, later in life....

    anyways if you guys have more to say, feel free.



    linds

    Last edited by lindsjean; 12-07-2008 at 06:55 PM.

     
    Old 12-07-2008, 07:24 PM   #13
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    Lindsjean,

    I, too have always said (even on here) that I am open about my feelings...if I love someone....(even a girlfriend) I tell them. If that isn't what someone wants to hear from me, then they need to cut me loose quickly. I don't think it's such a bad thing to wear your emotions on your sleeve.

    I once had a friend who I cared about a great deal....we joked and kidded around a lot but I don't think he ever really knew how much I cherished him. He died in a car accident at a very young age, and since then I have ALWAYS made sure everyone in my life KNEW I loved them and I don't mind saying it. This way, I am never sorry again or think someone didn't know.

    Mileena

     
    Old 12-10-2008, 05:46 PM   #14
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    Re: can a sex relationship turn into something more??

    you know I hate to be totally bold and/ or rude, but my opinion is no..
    you know so much about that other person and I feel it damages the trust that's in the relationship, when you have sex w/out having a real rela.
    When you have sex you're so vulnerable to each other and yet, you don't know their deepest fears and longings, because that relationship isn't there.

    My advice, I'd protect yourself from getting emotionally hurt by ending it. It's just not an act of respectfulness to have sex with someone repeatedly and not be in a relationship with them. What I'm saying is, I don't even think he's a relationship kind of guy, if he's doing that, and you want someone who would be good in a relationship, not someone who would cause you a ton of grief. I would look for a man who expresses interest in things you are interested in, but especially expresses a sincere interest in you.

    Last edited by violet76; 12-10-2008 at 05:50 PM.

     
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