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violet76 12-08-2008 08:42 PM

Spouse with Chemical Imbalance
OMgosh.. I have been looking everywhere.. for references, someone who is going through this, too.
I love my husband, but basically our relationship is afflicted with the fact that he has an emotional imbalance. He is on medication, but it took us the two years we've been married to realize this and now he is trying to find the right 'meds' for him. Which, of course, is proving harder than it sounds.. And takes longer than anyone would want.

Just wondering if anyone out there is going through the same issues. It is hard to know when you or your spouse is going through this, at times. I didn't know what was going on with my husband and frankly, a chemical imbalance was the furthest thing from my mind.. But he was acting awful to me - blaming me for everything, acting surly and upset at me all the time - all the while I was taking care of our baby by myself. I finally told him enough was enough and that he was going to a counselor. I told him I didn't know if we could make it. He went and the counselor diagnosed him as having long term depression due to yrs of abuse, in addition to having anxiety.
He is a much different person when he is taking medication. He's the beautiful person I married, but those days he unravels (which are much more than we would like) are very difficult. They have the tendency to be heart-wrenching for both of us.

Can anyone relate?

Larrylou'smom 12-08-2008 09:13 PM

Re: Spouse with Chemical Imbalance
I've never been in exactly your situation, but I just wanted to offer my support and sympathy. I've never been married but I have a close relative with a different sort of chemical imbalance, paranoid schizophrenia, so I can imagine how difficult it must be for you.

Depression and anxiety are both managable with the right medication and a good psychotherapist, as I understand. I think only you can decide for yourself how hard you want to try and how long you want to hang in there and when enough is enough for you. Expecially if he turns abusive to you when he "unravels." But I don't think there would be any shame or any reason for you to feel guilty if his issues don't resolve and you feel you've tried as hard as you can try and you just can't deal with it. I know the vow is in sickness and in health, for better for worse, but I think abuse is the one deal breaker in that bargain. In the meantime, hang in there, I hope he gets better and can hang on to those good days better and better, and make sure you take care of YOU, too. Good luck.

violet76 12-08-2008 09:34 PM

Re: Spouse with Chemical Imbalance
Thanks so much for the encouragement..
My aunt, too, was diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenic. I know how difficult that can be and how painful, not only for that person, but for family members as well.

I never want to think of leaving my husband, but yea - when things get tough.. you kind of look up and say.. what the heck am I gonna do?
I think the toughest part is being so close to someone and commmitted to that person and that they just hurt you because of whatever is going on in their brain that's beyond their control. He is not violent or anything but is totally irrational when he's not on his meds.

He is a totally different person when he's on the medication. Even his face looks different. It's like interacting with a total stranger who is peaceful and who I get to know as my husband, all over again.
Thanks for the sweet support.

pendulum 12-10-2008 03:48 AM

Re: Spouse with Chemical Imbalance
Excuse me, but who is that counsellor? A doctor? A psychatrist? Who has prescribed the medication? You say "he is trying to find the right 'meds' for him". Who is he? Does this mean your husband is self-medicating? Sorry, I just want to understand what is going on here.

Although I am not a physician, I stand by the notion that medication alone is not always enough. I believe that a change in lifestyle and diet are often the right thing to do, even if it implies a much greater effort and discipline than simply taking meds.

Does your husband eat healthfully? Does he sleep well enough? How fond is he of outdoors activities? How does he deal with intimacy?

violet76 12-10-2008 05:09 PM

Re: Spouse with Chemical Imbalance
He (my husband) started going to a psychologist, whom he goes to every three weeks. His main doctor (primary care physician) prescribed an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication for him, based on the psychologist's diagnosis. It takes a while for the medication to be effective, but after two weeks, it wasn't very effective. As a result of this, my husband's primary care physician prescribed a different anti-anxiety medication that he is currently taking.
Not every medication works well for all individuals.

He is changing his eating habits. He is on an eating program and exercies approx. 3 times a week - lifting, cardio..
He has a very demanding job which makes it difficult to exercise every day. He also has a long commute to work.

Intimacy - he has difficulty with it due to the fact that he has never had a close relationship with pretty much anyone. Especially women. However, now that he has started taking meds, they do help and he seems more "connected." When he's not taking the meds, he has trouble staying in one place and focusing, so it is hard for him to get close to people.

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