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  • Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

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    Old 12-11-2008, 12:43 PM   #1
    cmill32
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    Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    I know breaking up with him is the easiest answer here, but the situations not that easy, I do love him, and aside from this, he's a great boyfriend. He recently moved into a new apartment about 3 months ago, and a month into it, him and his roommate met younger girls who live upstairs, girls he never mentioned meeting to me, and I had to find out through his phone.

    He wouldn't tell me when he drank with them or anything which was like once a week in the beginning (they hardly hang out anymore, especially since i asked him nicely not not see them anymore, because i have met those girls, and I dont trust girls, esp them). He had no problem agreeing to this. My boyfriends roomate is always the one making the plans to drink, not my boyfriend, but he still goes along.

    Anyhow, last night those girls showed up and we were all drinking, and my boyfriend had no problem bringing me around them or anything, but the one girl pulled me aside and said that she thought i was a cool nice girl and felt ithat it was necessary for her to tell me that she and my boyfriend made out one time the first week they met when they were drinking. She said that he failed to mention to any of them that he had a girlfriend (we were dating 6 months at this point) and that he finally said he had one a couple weeks within knowing them.

    Well i guess since SHE didn't know he was taken, she came onto him. She said he was sleeping on the couch and they made out. I yelled at him, and was extremely upset, but today i just don't know what to do. It makes me sick to think he kissed another girl while being with me. He never fessed up to it, and I gave him plenty of chances. He admitted what happened did actually happen after i confronted him. I want so much to be able to trust him, but he's giving me reasons not to. Moving on and dumping him is easier said than done.

    Please someone help, is it worth breaking up with him over? Forgive him? Why did he do this when we have a good relationship overall? I plan on having a rational conversation about this with him, but your opinions help! Thanks

    Last edited by cmill32; 12-11-2008 at 12:45 PM.

     
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    Old 12-11-2008, 12:53 PM   #2
    Kszan
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    You said yourself in your first post about your bf a week or so ago that these girls were kind of skanky, and you said he has lied to you about his whereabouts whenever he has gone over there to drink with them. Now, just as most of the people posted to you in your previous thread, something has happened between him and one of the girls. It was bound to happen. Anytime you mix drinking and young people of opposite sex, if any of them are even remotely attracted, then something is going to happen.

    I wouldn't call making out with another girl "kinda cheating", I'd call it totally cheating, and if I were you, I'd be totally calm about it and tell him that if I ever see him again, he will find himself on the business end of a .357 Magnum because I have no further use for him. I'm serious. I would ditch him and never speak to him again. But you see, I'm older than you, I've been cheated on, and I've taken the guy back a couple of times (on different occaisions with different guys) and they proved me right that they were not going to change. So I'm personally of the opinion that you get ONE chance to not cheat on me, and if you cheat once then you're done. I'm done with you. See ya. Bye Bye.

    It's up to you. But I'm the one telling you what it is. And what it is, is that he's a liar and a cheater and he's totally going to do it again and you'll just end up getting hurt again. It would be a shame for you to get hurt like that because you seem like a sweet girl. And you really deserve better than a lousy cheating liar boyfriend like what you have right now.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 12:55 PM   #3
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    oh I dunno......do YOU think it's worth breaking up with him over?

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 12:56 PM   #4
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    Yes, it is worth breaking up with him over this. He lied about EVERYTHING to do with these girls and you found out from HER that they made out! I'm sorry but this is just UNACCEPTABLE!!! Staying with him is like putting a neon sign on your forehead that says "Lie to me, cheat on me, and treat me like dirt and I will accept it every time". You deserve much better so don't sell yourself short!

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 01:01 PM   #5
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    Red face Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    Well this sounds like a story I once told. My ex did the same thing to. To me thats called "cheeting". I feel that if we are together in a relationship then in that type of situation you should think abour your partner before even touching her lips.

    Your boyfriend felt that sense you were not around that it wouldnt matter. If he is down on his his knees trying to apologize then he cares and deserves another chance. But if he down right acts like he doenst care then you should leave him. They will always try to come back after realizing their mistake.

    Although, you didnt mention anything about him having sex with her so maybe he felt bad and does care because most of the time kissing leads to sex.

    Its your choice to make now. Hope this helps.
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    Old 12-11-2008, 01:01 PM   #6
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    Yes, he will do it again. Yes, he will continue to lie about it. How long did he lie? How long did he keep this secret, I mean?

    He wants to keep you, but make out with other girls too, using "I was drunk" as an excuse.

    His roommate does NOT force him to go along, he obviously wants to because he enjoys the cheating.

    And no, that was not "kind of" cheating. It absolutely was cheating.

    It doesn't matter if you love him because obviously that didn't stop him from cheating on you. You can decide to stay with someone who will cheat on you and lie about it, and feel sick, miserable, suspicious, jealous, and turn into one of those girlfriends who constantly checks his phone, does "drive-bys" past his apartment, checks his bed sheets, looks in his wallet, etc. By the way, that's a miserable way to live. Or you can accept that he took your love and decided to cheat anyway, and decide you deserve better.

    I personally think you can do much better.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 01:02 PM   #7
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    I remember you! You were wondering how you could just avoid being mad at your boyfriend when he lies to you and disrespects you. I was the confused poster who couldn't understand how in the world it was your obligation to "not be angry" when your BF is lying to you about partying nights away with his young female neighbors.

    I think you responded something to the effect that you didn't want to be "one of those girlfriends."

    Well, here you are after finding out he's having a lot more than just drinks with one of the girls. Are you ready to stand up for yourself now? See, when a guy is truly into you, he's not going to lie to you and go off drinking and making out with other chicks. He's going to be with you -- and look forward to it.

    I am still confused here. Why in the world would you still want to have anything to do with this guy? He has no problem lying to your face about these girls and then going and hooking up with one of them!!! YUK.

    I think it's time you stood yourself up straight and tall, realize you are worth more than being a doormat, kick this dirtball to the curb and let the "skank" have him. There is someone walking around who will be a much better fit for you, and he will never find you as long as you're still with this cheater.

    He has made a fool of you. Don't let it happen again. It IS time to be one of "those" girlfriends.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 01:08 PM   #8
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    Your boyfriend didn't "kinda" cheat on you... he DID cheat on you. And to make it worse, he never told you. This is what we have all been telling you from the beginning. His hanging out with these girls and drinking has been shady the entire time and you have been making excuses for him the entire time! I know it's hard to accept and even though so many people come here for advice, they really don't want to take it or listen to it. But, we all give good advice here and most of the time, we end up being right about the advice we give. That should speak for something! You know the right thing to do, but you're scared to do it. We all have different standards of cheating, but in my book, cheating= DONE! No questions asked.

    And think about it...why didn't he tell them he had a gf? What took him a few weeks to do it? He obviously had other intentions with these girls, don't ya think? Look at it objectively and put your feelings aside...what would you do if one of your friend or one of us on these boards was in your situation? What would you tell us to do?

    It's time to stop making excuses for him and move on. He's not worth your time and he's obviously not ready to be fully committed to someone otherwise he wouldn't be hanging out with them in the first place.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 01:14 PM   #9
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    Your bf did cheat on you. Cheating isn't only if you go "all the way". You need to ask yourself what your values are and if it is acceptable to you to be cheated on. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who cheats on me.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 02:14 PM   #10
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    I'm sorry, did I miss something...what part of making out with another woman while you are in a relationship with someone else ISN'T CHEATING??? I'm "cornfused"?

    Cheating cheating cheating cheating...it's cheating!!!!!!!!!
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    Old 12-11-2008, 04:52 PM   #11
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    So...what if that girl didn't think you were cool and nice? What if she decided she really wanted your man, and that you were a stupid skank who had it coming and didn't tell you she made out with him? You still wouldn't know, right? The only reason you know is because SHE told you, not him. He didn't come clean until he absolutely had no other choice. He was caught.

    Is it worth breaking up with him over? Well, I think it depends on why you're seeing him. If you don't really care for him, and it's just a casual, temporary thing and neither of you are commited and you never talked about not seeing other people, then maybe. But if it was understood that you were in an exclusive relationship pursuing a possible future together, and real love is involved, then yes, perhaps it's best to end it now rather than when even more time and emotions are invested and he still is slipping away to meet and drink with and make out with other girls. And by not wanting to be one of those girlfriends, do you mean, one of those girlfriends who expects her boyfriend to respect and honor her, to be honest, transparent and forthright with her, to make her and the relationship a priority and doesn't accept less? Being that kind of girlfriend is bad, WHY, exactly? You don't have to rant and rave and go crazy and yell and scream and cry and make scenes. The only thing you have to do is know what you're worth. You don't even have to get mad at him. You just have to know and love yourself enough to know what kind of treatment you will and won't tolerate. You can evne do it with a nice, pleasant smile on your face while you tell him that he can make out with whomever he wishes, just not with you as his girlfriend, because you expect promises made to you to be kept, and you expect honesty. You don't give anything less, and you don't deserve anything less and if he doesn't agree, then he's not the right man for you. After all, one of the hardest lessons we must learn while dealing with love, is that YOU are the only person in the whole world that you HAVE to spend the rest of your life with. If you sell you out for the sake of some schmoe who makes out with other girls and who probably will dump you for one of these other girls by this time next year, then you have nothing. Take care of you. Be your own best friend and your own greatest love.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 05:17 PM   #12
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    i think the last post says it all really and i agree with every word couldn't have said it any better.. good luck in whatever you choose to do, but don't let him treat you like that, hold your head up high and meet some male neighbours and see how he feels about that, I'd be long gone by now Hun.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 05:48 PM   #13
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    he didn't kinda cheated on you. He cheated on you! Please dump him - not only did he cheat, but he lied about it and you had to hear it from someone else. He'll do it again if you don't dump him, I guarantee it.

     
    Old 12-11-2008, 06:24 PM   #14
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    Re: Just found out my boyfriend kinda cheated on me

    Not only did you have to hear it from someone else, but you had to hear it from the girl he cheated with! Please, girl, look at the facts. If you were my friend in real life, I'd make sure you broke up with him because I would never allow a friend of mine to stay with a guy like this. He doesn't respect you, he has made that clear by never telling the truth about where he is and with whom. Now he has kept his cheating from you, another lie, and you're questioning whether you should break up?

    The whole "but I love him" argument just doesn't matter. It's completely irrelevant to your decision. Re-examine the facts and realize that the answer is clear.

     
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