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  • Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

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    Old 12-13-2008, 01:58 PM   #1
    lindsjean
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    Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    hi all,

    i would am REALLY interested in your opinion on the matter....my sister and dad are both upset with me and to be honest I don't think I did anything wrong.
    here is the story:

    my sister called me last week and asked me if i want to go out. i didn't have intentions on going anywhere but i figured 'why not' since i am single and rarely go out....she told me where she was at and she was with her friend (who is a male). when i got to the bar she told me she just spoke to her boyfriend and she is going to leave. she then asked me if i was going to stay or go. i was a bit upset b/c i just got there and i didn't get all dressed up to drive across town and then back to my apartment....

    so i asked my sister's friend if he minded if i hung out with him. he said he didn't mind and we actually had a good time together. at the end of the night he asked me if he could kiss me? then i asked him if he and my sister were ever together romantically, sexually, or otherwise? he said he used to like her a long time ago (they have been friends for over 10years) but nothing happened. So we kissed.

    since that night, we have hung out together a couple of times....however yesterday when i was with him my sister called and asked what i was doing....i told her that her friend and i were together. she got upset with me and asked why was i calling her (even though she called me!) i asked her what is the problem and then she hung up.....


    so today i called my dad and told him about what happened and he said it is the unwritten rule that you don't date your sister's "friends". i then informed him that they were never together and reminded him that she has a long time boyfriend. he got upset with me as well...

    so here i am...my family is upset with me for hanging out with my sister's friend with whom she was never involved with!?!? i would never date her ex or someone she is or was in love with but THEY ARE FRIENDS! anyways i would love your opinion since you are un bias.

    thanks.

    Last edited by lindsjean; 12-13-2008 at 03:22 PM.

     
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    Old 12-13-2008, 02:06 PM   #2
    Mileena42
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    Re: Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    Gee, I don't understand it either. She has a BF, and nothing has ever gone on between her and this guy? Is there a history here that the guy, your sister, and your dad all know about and you don't? Maybe this guy is lying to you in order to get you to see him. Have you asked your sister why she finds this upsetting? Maybe she feels that if you two ever become serious she would lose a friend?

    Anyway, since you've only just met him I would not see him again until I got to the bottom of why it's such a big deal to your family. Then, if it turns out to be plain ol jealousy I would ignore it and continue to hang out with this guy if thats what I wanted to do. It sounds to me like there is something here that you aren't aware of.....find out.

    Mileena

     
    Old 12-13-2008, 02:22 PM   #3
    Watersigh
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    Re: Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    LOL, your sister and your dad are weird! You didn't do anything wrong. Your'e single, he's single, your sister has a bf, it's all good. Tell them both that it's not a big deal and they need to chill out.

    See, this is the reason why I always wished I had an older brother. The pool of potential dating partners is much higher that way! But hey, if your sister has guy friends, that's almost just as good, I guess.

    Maybe you should throw it back at her and say, Why are you so upset, do you have feelings for the guy? Are you jealous that I get to kiss him and you don't? I think you need to get to the bottom of why she's so upset about it because she should be happy that a friend of hers could hit it off with her sister. It's just strange that she would be so upset about it.

     
    Old 12-13-2008, 04:17 PM   #4
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    Re: Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    I agree with the other posters, her reaction is completely out of line. It just doesn't make sense. I would definately ask about it. All I can think of other than what the other posters said, is maybe she knows something about him you don't and she is trying to keep you from getting hurt.
    If she can't give you a good (and reasonable) reason not to date him, then go for it.

     
    Old 12-14-2008, 04:09 AM   #5
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    Re: Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    Perhaps she is sick of you pinching her friends and her clothes LOL. Sera

     
    Old 12-14-2008, 10:46 AM   #6
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    Re: Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by niknak77 View Post
    I agree with the other posters, her reaction is completely out of line. It just doesn't make sense. I would definately ask about it. All I can think of other than what the other posters said, is maybe she knows something about him you don't and she is trying to keep you from getting hurt.
    If she can't give you a good (and reasonable) reason not to date him, then go for it.
    I don't think it's wrong to date your sister's friend, but at the same time I think I can understand her. Perhaps she is afraid her friend will tell you things about her that you don't know or whatever. Maybe she is somewhat jealous of him. I agree with Niknak: try to have a honest conversation with her and understand her reasons. Maybe her reasons will appear to be unreasonable to you, but if she is a dear sister to you, I would perhaps avoid dating this guy, UNLESS he is really a decent, interesting and promising guy. Listen, I am not telling you not to date him, but I am wondering if by doing so you won't be losing some connection with your family. Families can really be complicated, you know.

     
    Old 12-14-2008, 02:05 PM   #7
    lindsjean
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    Re: Is it Okay to Date Your Sister's Friend???

    thanks all for your responses. okay so based on your input and my own thoughts this is what i came up with.


    for starters: Serpah i am the older sister. If anyone should be sick of things it should be me. I pay for everything. i offer advice. for example last father's day we were taking my dad out to brunch. i asked her before hand to help out with the bill....when it came time to pay she did offer anything and i ended up spending almost 200$ out of my own pocket. i know that isn't a lot money, but the money is not the principle of the matter. this is only one of many stories....

    as for the other posters, i think that my sister getting upset is a sign of her immaturity and she wants to have her cake and eat it too. she has her boyfriend but wants every elses attention and if she doesn't get it she gets upset. normally i date men in their mid thirties (this guy is 28) but i enjoy his company and i think she is being selfish. my sister is 22 and i am 25.

    as for my dad he has always took my sister's side on things. for example one night my sister and i went out and we got into a huge argument and she said some nasty things (i think she was trying to show off b/c she had a friend with her)....so i got out of the car in order to avoid doing something that i would reget. well she drove off and left me on a street at 3am. i know i shouldn't of gotten out but i suspect something really bad would of happened if i didn't. my dad called me a couple of days later and told me that i handled the situation wrong, i need to control my temper, and i should call me sister and apologize. months went by and i didn't talk to my sister but my dad kept telling that i was wrong so i needed to apologize....i eventually did even though i didn't think i was the one that did anything wrong.

    so as for the guy now, i am going to continue to date him as long as i want too. maybe it won't turn into a long term relationship but i like being around him and if the shoes were on the other foot i would be happy that she is finding a bit of happiness in this crazy world.

     
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