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I really need advice.

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Old 01-04-2009, 02:20 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: London
Posts: 70
Mummy25 HB User
I really need advice.


Things seem to be okay with my dp but yesterday he was really quiet towards me. I mean we spoke but he was not his normal self. Then today he woke up and I said are you okay? He say yeah but nothing I am not sure but feel there is something on his mind.
He was meant to go out last night but he didn't go and he said he was not in the mood.
I should explain abit more.

Last year we went through a rough patch and we got past this but he not making the effort anymore. He said on weekends we would go out but he don't. He took me and our lo to the zoo that was it. We don't do anything as a couple and worried we are drifting part. I love him but worried he don't feel the same. He is not affectionate and hardly says he loves me. I think he does but worried as he has been snappy with me aswell. He said things like I am annoying. I think he feels like I am not fun enough. I spend all day looking after our son but he comes home has dinner and this plays on his ps3 and when I chat to him he says I talk to much. I try and ask him how work is I am being so noisy so stopped. I do get jealous because his female friends may ring and he will chat to them and have a good chat but me its like he don't want to talk to me. Maybe I don't understand what he talks about.

The worse thing of all is one of our problem last year was that I had been chatting to a guy online in this site we use to go on together and he thought I was having an affair with him. V.long story but we both ended up coming off the site. So I confessed it was because he was not paying me any attention and that why I was chatting to the guy. I said I did not want him just felt lonely.
So there is a guy that works in the bank as I been having problems he been helping me. Cut long story short I feel as if he someone have not seem since we were kids. We were childhood sweethearts we did kiss but would not say I loved the guy etc. It just rocked me abit not had this confirmed its him but worried. I love my dp but I feel if he don't pay me attention or we don't start doing things as a family, or even together I will look somewere else. I won't cheat on him and been trying to hard putting on sexy night clothes to get him in the mood but it don't work. For xmas he gave me money but feel as if he just couldn't be bothered to even look for a present. Yeah the money was great. I also make so much more effort when its his birthday but last year he didn't have money so left it and then when he did he bought me trainers. There seems to be no spark there between us.
We both get into bed and fall asleep we sometimes have laugh because of our son but think that why we are together.
I just feel strange around him at the moment plus he is so happy as I agreed to go back up and live where my father lives. I lived there for 4 years but had got into problems and stuff and left and when he has visited my dad with me he has loved it up there. So we got lots to sort out. Been having bad dreams about me cheating on him and him cheating on me. Waking up and feeling upset realising how much I love my dp but feeling so confused to how I feel.
Sorry I need advice. If I sit him down he will say I am being silly but I'm not.

Last edited by Mummy25; 01-04-2009 at 02:23 AM.

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Old 01-04-2009, 05:43 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 90
klava HB User
Re: I really need advice.

Have you heard of marriages having ups and downs? Sounds like this is the down time in your marriage. I think every couple deals with it differently - some, like you, try to work harder, find a spark (putting sexy clothes on), some just wait until it's over, not doing anything special. It does feel like a very lonely time.

Some people would advise you to keep working on it, but I personally wouldn't do anything and see where it would go. I wouldn't probably allow "chatting" with female friends, though, but that's me. Most couples do cool off in bed with time, so that's normal.

The most important thing is, are you secure in this relationship? There is a lot of your own feelings and temptations, and it's confusing. Just wait and let it all settle down.

Old 01-05-2009, 02:43 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: London
Posts: 70
Mummy25 HB User
Re: I really need advice.

Thanks for your advice.

We are not married lol. Thats another thing he said he don't want marriage and I said I don't want it either. Although sometimes I do wish we could be married but I say this because I am young still and plus nervous person to be getting married in front of everyone. He says it because he don't want us to split up and take all his money. Yeah he written our relationship off already.

Not saying I am an angel I am not. I get very moody at time and he gets fed up with me. I am 26 and he is 30 feel like I got not life at all. I want to go back to work and maybe this will make me feel better. I am scared of leaving our lo with anyone.

Yesterday he seemed alot better we had a chat and we lay in bed hugging each other but he still seems different towards me. I really can't describe it but then again he said his back is hurting him. I don't know when he goes out to smoke he has his phone and I know he chats to his female friend. I had issues there thinking even though they are friends do they have feelings for each other not realising it. As she would call at night late and he answered nasty once saying why you keep calling me and she and him fell out. I thought that was strange and then I said you should talk to her. I know realise it is just friendship but then I am not sure. They don't meet up its just they chat on the phone all the time.

I probably am just so insecure at the moment. I am worried about so many things. Its like he spends him money on game consoles and this annoys me and he wont even buy us a bed and he knows we need it. He don't even buy himself clothes but i have too. He can buy every gadget going but he knows there are more important things to get.

I know a child changes alot but we don't do anything as a family. He don't say come on lets go for a walk or will take you both out somewhere for the day. There plenty to do as a family. We don't get one on one time this is what I think he don't want to do. Us together seems like I bore him its like he don't want to walk in the street with me. I honestly been thinking this for ages now. I thought it was me but not sure. It things he says and he claims he joking.

For a start we were friends before getting together. He just finished his relationship with his gf and I knew he still loved her. We got together and realised he still loved her. Ran to her everytime she had a problem and cancelling plans we had. Then we kind of drifted apart as he was working and he hardly rang. One evening I rang him are you coming over he said yes then he didn't. It was because he had an argument with his family member he was staying with. So he came the next day but then told me he had a big fall out with his ex and said you will be happy we are over as friends etc. I was like upse as he said to me he went over then to stay over the night but she told him her child father was coming and he got upset and left and then they had a massive argument and she told him after whatever he said not to call her no more. Feel like i was second best if it was not for her saying that we would not have been together. Thats when our relationship started getting good. He moved in with me and then we had our son. We became closer but now I don't know.

I will see how things go because this feeling keeps coming after I say its me.

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