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  • Boyfriend's Mother Makes MY BLOOD BOIL!

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    Old 01-10-2009, 07:12 AM   #16
    gmp377
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother Makes MY BLOOD BOIL!

    Seraph, you are SO RIGHT! I laughed so hard when I read your post because it couldn't be more true. Thankfully, yes, there is a two hour buffer between us and I don't have to deal with her regularly. I'm just going to have to start putting her out of my mind and, like you said, accept that she is probably never going to be mother-in-law of the year and she will always have issues.

    How do you suggest I handle the situation when I have to see her during my boyfriend's surgery? She is going to be totally overbearing and try to take charge of things that really aren't any of her business (and that's the way my boyfriend likes to keep things). My family will be around me on that day, so I'll have them for support and to talk to, but what about her? I'd love nothing more than to ignore her 100% and have no contact with her whatsoever, but I feel like if I do that I'm playing right into her little game. She wants to think she's ****** me off, hurt my feelings, etc. and I don't want her thinking she's successful. At the same time, I'm not good at faking my feelings. If I don't like you, it shows. Should I just try to find some middle ground between the two or what? Any advice helps.

    Thanks again to everybody,
    gmp377

     
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    Old 01-10-2009, 07:51 AM   #17
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother Makes MY BLOOD BOIL!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gmp377 View Post
    Seraph, you are SO RIGHT! I laughed so hard when I read your post because it couldn't be more true. Thankfully, yes, there is a two hour buffer between us and I don't have to deal with her regularly. I'm just going to have to start putting her out of my mind and, like you said, accept that she is probably never going to be mother-in-law of the year and she will always have issues.

    How do you suggest I handle the situation when I have to see her during my boyfriend's surgery? She is going to be totally overbearing and try to take charge of things that really aren't any of her business (and that's the way my boyfriend likes to keep things). My family will be around me on that day, so I'll have them for support and to talk to, but what about her? I'd love nothing more than to ignore her 100% and have no contact with her whatsoever, but I feel like if I do that I'm playing right into her little game. She wants to think she's ****** me off, hurt my feelings, etc. and I don't want her thinking she's successful. At the same time, I'm not good at faking my feelings. If I don't like you, it shows. Should I just try to find some middle ground between the two or what? Any advice helps.

    Thanks again to everybody,
    gmp377
    Whoa. I think you need to step back a bit, take a deep breath and realize this her is son you're talking about. Her son going in for surgery where he's going to be put under is VERY MUCH HER BUSINESS. You may not agree with the way she interacts with you, but your BF will be signing a document stating he understands he may never wake up from the anesthesia or may never be the same mentally from the anesthesia. His mother -- assuming they are as close as you say they are -- should absolutely be informed of everything medically going on with him ... by the physicians and staff taking care of him. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you are a young woman he's been dating for two years; you are not his wife of years and years. I can kind of understand why the mother might be irritated with you if this is an example of how you've been acting for the past two years.

    Like you said, you will have your family there for support. Shouldn't your BF be afforded the same?

    I totally agree with others that she's been rude in the past, but I also think past experiences might be clouding your judgment in this instance. I think you need to accept that she should be there for her son during the surgery, and this is not about you at all.

    Last edited by StenoLady1; 01-10-2009 at 07:53 AM. Reason: Thought they'd been together one year; changed one year to two years.

     
    Old 01-10-2009, 01:05 PM   #18
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother Makes MY BLOOD BOIL!

    StenoLady1,

    You must obviously be a mother much like my boyfriend's. You seem like it. He and his mother are NOT close and haven't been since he went away to college about four years ago. I've stated that throughout several posts. Furthermore, she has been non-maternal to him for at least the two years I have known him. Before we met, he went a year without speaking to her because of personal differences and now she wants to swoop in and act maternal when my family and I have been the ones bending over backwards all this time to help him with everything? I don't think so. She didn't have any interest in him or his well being until she thought somebody else did, me, and now she's jealous and wants to try to win back time she lost with him for being an overbearing wench. He's got her number and so do I and I wish a lot more women would stop and think how they are alienating their sons before they keep on with this ludacris behavior.

    Thanks for the attempt at advice, but I didn't ask for someone to play devil's advocate or offer insight into this woman's personality. I know her much better than you do and have dealt with her for two years. What I was asking for is advice on how to deal with her attitude toward me while we are forced to be in a confined space (at the hospital) together during his surgery. I want to be civil with her and not rude and disdainful as she has been. I agree with you that her past behavior is probably "clouding my current judgement," but unless you can provide something constructive to an otherwise positive and helpful post, I suggest you refrain from judging me.

     
    Old 01-10-2009, 02:26 PM   #19
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother Makes MY BLOOD BOIL!

    Sorry you took my advice as being judgmental or playing devil's advocate.

    I'm not a mother. My husband and I are childless by choice. My advice came from 18 years of dealing with my partner's family -- eight years as his girlfriend and ten years as his wife. Over those 18 years, I've learned when to bite my tongue and just fade into the background when it comes to his father (the equivalent of your BF's mother in my situation) and when it's okay to throw my weight around.

    One thing it took me a long time to learn: Blood is thicker than water. If your BF is spending holidays and Mother's Day with his mother, he doesn't hate her as much as you would like to believe.

    My advice to you before -- and still is -- is to let her be his mother while he's under anesthesia in the hospital. Fade into the background and be a loving and nurturing GF. Anything else will make you look really obnoxious and will follow you for a LONG time when it comes to his family.

    Again, I'm sorry if I offended you. It was not my intent at all. Things in life make my blood boil, too. And I expect friends to reel me in if it looks like I'm about to stick my foot in my mouth or do something foolish. As I said before, I think your BF's mother is definitely rude, and you've got your work cut out for you if you two marry.

     
    Old 07-20-2010, 03:04 AM   #20
    Juste
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother Makes MY BLOOD BOIL!

    My boyfriend brought me even TWO monsters to my life. since I am moving houses soon, me and my boyfriend had decided to live with my boyfriends' parents for a bit. already regret it.. They have some kind of personality disorders, which makes them hysterical. there are tones of insane thingts,for example, you are not allowed to enter the kitchen if any of them are there. They do not allow you to close the toilet doors if you go to the toilet. yesterday his mother through away my food from the fridge. so today at work I had to ask my collegues weather I could keep my food here. By the way, they charge me for living in that house. My boyfriend is inactive..like a third party, without any interest to do something. Finally, due to his parents my boyfriends sister attempted to commit suicide. They are MONSTERS. The only solution I see in such situation is to run away.

     
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