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    Old 01-18-2009, 07:59 AM   #1
    marie2370
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    Need perspective on seemingly possessive husband

    You know how when you've been in a situation so long it's hard to judge what is "normal"? I am beginning to question a lot of things my husband (of 10 years) does or has done over the years-- I want to throw a few things out to ask if your husband would do this:
    Would your husband notice if you changed the color of your toe nail polish?
    Would your husband surf the internet looking for a dress for you for an upcoming wedding (while you were at work)?
    Does your husband tell you that you look nice or cute or sexy every day, sometimes more than once a day? (even when you have bed head and you know you can't possibly look cute) Maybe some women think this would sound nice, but I hear it so much it loses its sincerity.
    Does your husband need you to reassure him daily that his own outfit looks good?
    Does your husband pay close attention to when you start your period?
    If you're both home on the weekend, does he need to know what you're doing in your part of the house while he's watching football? Does he prefer if you read your book sitting on the couch next to him?
    Does your husband prefer that errands/grocery shopping are done with the whole family going instead of either you or him going out alone?

     
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    Old 01-18-2009, 08:37 AM   #2
    klava
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    Re: Need perspective on seemingly possessive husband

    Would your husband notice if you changed the color of your toe nail polish? Yes

    Would your husband surf the internet looking for a dress for you for an upcoming wedding (while you were at work)? No

    Does your husband tell you that you look nice or cute or sexy every day, sometimes more than once a day? (even when you have bed head and you know you can't possibly look cute) Maybe some women think this would sound nice, but I hear it so much it loses its sincerity. Sometimes he says it when I'm a bedhead and it feels nice. More often he says it when I'm dressed up. In your case, it seems too often.

    Does your husband need you to reassure him daily that his own outfit looks good? - NO. He doesn't care how he looks.

    Does your husband pay close attention to when you start your period? Hell NO


    If you're both home on the weekend, does he need to know what you're doing in your part of the house while he's watching football? -Yes, he's still curious.

    Does he prefer if you read your book sitting on the couch next to him? He will feel better if I sat beside him, but he won't be asking or insisting.

    Does your husband prefer that errands/grocery shopping are done with the whole family going instead of either you or him going out alone? YES. I find it endearing rather.

    Last edited by klava; 01-18-2009 at 08:39 AM.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 09:27 AM   #3
    StenoLady1
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    Re: Need perspective on seemingly possessive husband

    "Would your husband notice if you changed the color of your toe nail polish?"

    Usually not. Although, he LOVES red, so sometimes he notices red.

    "Would your husband surf the internet looking for a dress for you for an upcoming wedding (while you were at work)?"

    Probably not. I hate to say absolutely not, because this situation has not come up, but he's very, very helpful and is excellent at finding things online.

    "Does your husband tell you that you look nice or cute or sexy every day, sometimes more than once a day? (even when you have bed head and you know you can't possibly look cute)"

    Not every day, but very often.

    "Does your husband need you to reassure him daily that his own outfit looks good?"

    Good Lord, YES! He's worse than most women I know! In his defense, however, he's lost a good bit of weight and is totally in between sizes with the clothes he currently owns. He doesn't want to go out and buy new clothes because he knows his "skinny" clothes will be fitting him soon, but his "fat" clothes are swimming on him. So, yes, going out with him or mornings before work involve changing a few times and him asking, "How's this look?"

    "Does your husband pay close attention to when you start your period?"

    Yes. Only because he knows when Aunt Flow arrives, in about five days, ovulation will be happening, and I become ravenous for him. Sorta the high point of our "cycle."

    "If you're both home on the weekend, does he need to know what you're doing in your part of the house while he's watching football?"

    Sometimes, yes, if I stay in my area for a while.

    "Does he prefer if you read your book sitting on the couch next to him?"

    Sure.

    "Does your husband prefer that errands/grocery shopping are done with the whole family going instead of either you or him going out alone?"

    Yes. We're separating today for different grocery runs (wholesale club and regular grocery store ... maybe specialty store, too, if regular place doesn't have chestnuts), and he's already complaining about it. He'd much rather be together on the weekends. I prefer efficiency and want to get home soon!

    We've been married for 10 years, too ... together for 19.

    Last edited by StenoLady1; 01-18-2009 at 09:28 AM.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 10:21 AM   #4
    Mileena42
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    Re: Need perspective on seemingly possessive husband

    Well, I am uncertain as to whether or not you are complaining or just asking. No, my husband is very different from yours. Some of the things you stated that your husband does....I might enjoy mine doing, and some not so much.

    Most women come here complaining about the opposite....that their husbands don't give them the attention you seem to be getting.....that they don't enjoy spending time with the family....and I know very few men who would go so far as to make grocery shopping a family event.

    Would I like all the attention? Probably not. However some attention would be nice .......it's hard for me not to say to just count your blessings that you have an attentive husband who wants to spend time with you.....BUT I know that what you might be preceiving as too much attention is a real problem if that is the case.

    Maybe if you feel you are being smothered (and I know you didnt say that) you might try talking with him. Otherwise, enjoy the fact that he cares enough about you and his family to be this way.
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    Old 01-18-2009, 11:21 AM   #5
    Mary83
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    Re: Need perspective on seemingly possessive husband

    I read your other post, so although I don't really think this post is your problem, I figured I would answer it anyway. Regardless of these issues/concerns you have, it does sound like your husband has some major issues, and his seemingly possessive behavior is just added to everything else. But, to answer your questions, these are my responses. (I'm not married, but living with my boyfriend, so it's more or less the same thing)


    Would your husband notice if you changed the color of your toe nail polish?
    Probably, but maybe not. Only because I don't really paint my toes in the Winter, so if I did, he would notice. But, if I had red on one way day and blue the next, he may not notice, and if he did, he certainly wouldn't care.

    Would your husband surf the internet looking for a dress for you for an upcoming wedding (while you were at work)?
    No. That could be one of two things. Either he's being nice and trying to help you out, or he wants to be in control of what you wear. I'm guessing your concern is that he is the latter.

    Does your husband tell you that you look nice or cute or sexy every day, sometimes more than once a day? (even when you have bed head and you know you can't possibly look cute) Maybe some women think this would sound nice, but I hear it so much it loses its sincerity.
    No. I certainly wouldn't mind it though. Is this part of your husband "sucking up" as you described in your other post?

    Does your husband need you to reassure him daily that his own outfit looks good?
    No, but he does like to be reassured that he looks nice, not all the time though, but he is concerned with how he looks

    Does your husband pay close attention to when you start your period?
    No, he has a general idea of it, but that's only because I complain the first few days because of bad cramps. Other than that, he would really have no idea.

    If you're both home on the weekend, does he need to know what you're doing in your part of the house while he's watching football? Does he prefer if you read your book sitting on the couch next to him?
    If one of us goes in the other room, we will occasionally yell "what are you doing?" from the other room to each other. *As a side note- as I was typing this, my boyfriend came up to give me a kiss and asked what I was doing- haha*. Anyway, he does like it if I sit with him while he watches football. Just because he likes to be near me. I will play on the computer or even lay on the couch with him and he'll rub my back while he watches football (that's how he gets me to stay near him

    Does your husband prefer that errands/grocery shopping are done with the whole family going instead of either you or him going out alone?
    We do most of our shopping together, unless one of us is just running out to get a few things. But, we don't have kids, so that probably makes a difference.

    Anyway, it seems most of the things you listed are fairly normal activities of a couple who love each other. But, it seems that either you are looking for controlling behavior in him, or you just don't love him, so you don't care to spend time with him or don't appreciate him caring about you. Maybe he does these things in a controlling way rather than an "I love you and just want to be near you" way?

     
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