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  • My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

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    Old 02-02-2009, 08:11 AM   #1
    Lu1983
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    My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

    I have been going out with a wonderful man for 7 months, I set up home with him, brought a gorgeous cat and have been very happy!!! We have been to London, Paris, see shows - you name it we have done it. We love each other badly and then I had an anxiety attack, the first time he was wonderful, took time with me, cuddle me etc. The second time he was a little uneasy and said it was hurting him seeing me go through this, so I promised I would talk to him and I would change, as he wanted to end it! Then it came again and this time he ended it and asked me to leave! I left and have been staying at friends hoping he would see that I was sorry but each time I saw him he was saying that his head said No dont go back there but his heart was saying grab me and lets move on. I can't stop calling him or texting as I want him to know I am changing, I am having hypnotherapy for my attacks. He says he knows but I have hurt him badly and he cant take that chance on me. So on Friday I did not text him or call him and I went round on Saturday as I was missing him and the cat. We ended up test driving a car, and afterwards MASSIVE cuddles where he held me tight were given and passionate kiss and he said to me "there is sooo much feeling there". So we agreed to see each other on Sunday, he never answered my texts about a time so again I popped round, this time all my stuff was in the spare room and he said that he is confused still due to the head leading the heart he says that he needs to talk to his best friend (but he is on holiday at the moment) to get his head straight. He says that he doest want to keep seeing me/speaking to me because he knows we will only just go back out and nothing will be sorted in his head. I then rang him later on that night and he answered and he put the phone to the cat so I can her purring and he was saying that his feelings have never changed about the love for me etc, but he is scared I will hurt him. Please help me I don't know what to do I want him back soooooo badly - as we had planned our futures! Please help!!!! He has not told his Mum or anyone about the breakup. I love him badly and he says that he is too scared to touch me because all the feelings come back, he says I am the most georgeous girl in the world, does he need time to relise I have changed or am I just hoping???

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    Old 02-02-2009, 09:05 AM   #2
    Tivo123
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me when after the third time of having an axiety attack

    I don't understand why you having anxiety attacks is hurting him? Why would he break up over that? Something isn't right in this situation. What was the exact reason he gave you for wanting to end things with you? Why would he say you were hurting him when you are the one experiencing the panic attacks? Doesn't make any sense.

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 09:18 AM   #3
    Lu1983
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me when after the third time of having an axiety attack

    Becasue I go quiet and dont talk to him, go to bed early - he says he feels like a doormat - even though I dont get angry or anything, he says that he has pushed his feelins to one-side and now its time to rethink about that

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 10:05 AM   #4
    spark2008
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

    dosnet sound right to me he isnt being very supportive lol how does your going quiet hurt him?? sounds like he is not sure about the relationship contining i dont mean to sound harsh but is this an excuse for him to rethink the relationship continuing i mean you could ask him if your anxiety is the real reason as to why he is having a rethink maybe there are issues you dont know about. Talk to him if you can if not give him some space to think he may miss you as time away makes the heart grow fonder sounds corny but its true.

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 10:09 AM   #5
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me when after the third time of having an axiety attack

    Well you had an anxiety attack for goodness sake! I can't image you'd snap back to "normal" after having it. Perhaps he needs to be educated on what a person is actually going through when they have such an attack. Or maybe he's using the attacks as an excuse for something else? Maybe something has happened in a past relationship and he feels as if it's happening again, and he's scared?

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 10:11 AM   #6
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me when after the third time of having an axiety attack

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lu1983 View Post
    Becasue I go quiet and dont talk to him, go to bed early - he says he feels like a doormat - even though I dont get angry or anything, he says that he has pushed his feelins to one-side and now its time to rethink about that
    maybe he feels like you're trying to manipulate him by not talking to him

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 01:14 PM   #7
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

    Print out some information off the internet about anxiety attacks. Take him to your doctor so they can explain it. Any person that is educated and has compassion wouldn't leave a person over anxiety attacks.

    IF he can't deal with this then this man might be good with things are going good but can't handle anything when things arent going good. He might bail on you when things get rough too. Some people want things to be just perfect all the time and when they aren't they feel the relationship is now flawed.

    Try educating him as another poster has mentioned - you are doing what you can to help yourself and one more thing - you can't help this and DON'T feel bad about yourself and what you're going through. Lots of people have it and you shouldn't be made to feel like you're damaged by another person and not worthy of love and companionship.

    Last edited by cathy1; 02-02-2009 at 04:02 PM.

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 02:47 PM   #8
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me when after the third time of having an axiety attack

    And this has only happened 3 times in 7 months?

    The only way I could even begin to see this impacting whether you could stay with
    someone or not is if the partner also has a history of anxiety attacks and you are
    sort of triggering each other. With the info you give, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me
    either.

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 02:48 PM   #9
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

    Speaking as someone who suffers from anxiety attacks, my only advice to you is to just let him pout in his corner, and you should go find a guy who will be supportive. He probably has no idea what it feels like to have a panic attack. I know what it feels like, and what I would need in that situation is a man who is strong, who can be understanding and patient and kind and who wouldn't make me feel even worse than I already do. What I don't need is some yo-yo who is going to sit there and make me feel like I am doing something wrong and making his life miserable just because of a condition that I rarely have control over!

    While you should endeavor to change this for yourself, to help yourself through the anxiety and find a way to either cope with it or to eradicate the panic attacks, you should only do that for your own health and well-being. It doesn't sit well with me that you feel like you need to do all of this "changing" just to get him back, when he has shown no compassion, no support and no signs of ever trying to even remotely understand what you're going through.

    Just let this guy go, he's not worth it for you. Tell him that you're not going to stay with someone who won't even try to understand what you're feeling and how you suffer when having a panic attack.

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 03:17 PM   #10
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

    I definetly think you should find someone more supportive. I also suffer form anxiety attacks and my boyfriend is always supportive even when I am having really bad ones and I get them a lot. It helps to have that support. I also find it odd how onyl 3 in 7 months and he calls it quits? I think he should of stuck by you !

     
    Old 02-02-2009, 03:29 PM   #11
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    Re: My boyfriend Dumped me after the third time of having an anxiety attack

    I too don't see how you going quite is hurting him. Do you idk freak out, and insult him during one of your attacks? I'd understand him being hurt in that case, but this way...idk hun it seems to me that even though he finds you very attractive, he thinks you're just too much for him...the physical attraction is there, but it's not enough...
    Relationships fall apart every day, for reasons that have very little to do with someone being quite few times a month, and a lot to do with emotions or lack of it...
    You need to chill out, take some time off, don't be so pushy and clingy with him-your world doesn't have to revolve around this one guy.

     
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