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    Old 02-20-2009, 08:30 AM   #61
    brokenhearted83
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tubular View Post
    I feel like I have gone and done plenty with her to not be b*tched at about me wanting to go out of town with some friends for 1 weekend.
    I agree with you 100%

    Come to think of it, the reason I was so insecure with my ex was that because we never went away on holiday together, he didn't even love me.

    But it seems you do a lot for your girlfriend...

    At 26, and having such a giving and sharing boyfriend, I don't think I can relate to her behavior.

    I think you need a really firm talk with her. Because you can't live your life like this. This will only led to the gradual destruction of the relationship or you'll resent her for the rest of your life.

     
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    Old 02-20-2009, 08:33 AM   #62
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tubular View Post
    She is 26.
    She told me that she talked to several people and they all agreed with her that she had a right to be upset about me going if I had already told her I would take her.
    Sorry, I don't buy this one either. Since she has no friends, who are these mysterious people she allegedly talked to who supposedly agreed with her?

    Just another tactic to try to get her own way.

    Glad you are still going. You are NOT doing anything wrong!

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 09:11 AM   #63
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tubular View Post
    She told me that she talked to several people and they all agreed with her that she had a right to be upset about me going if I had already told her I would take her. I could agree with this p.o.v. if I had promised to take her this weekend and then I up and changed my mind and said...nevermind, I'm going with just my friends. We never made any plans to go visit him, it was just mentioned in passing in a random conversation one day around new years when I first learned from my friend that he was in plans to move back.
    Right, which is why there's nothing wrong with you going now with your friends before you go with her. She's just being a spoiled brat and needs to seriously get a life.

    Her argument just doesn't hold any water at all. Just because you haven't been there with her first doesn't mean you can't go with your friends first. If anything, it will give you a chance to see the place and maybe find some places you'd like to visit with her when you take her there later. I mean, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that! She's seriously got issues, for a 26 year old to be acting like such a waa waa crybaby, that's just not normal. Are you SURE you want to stay with someone who is such a spoiled child? Is this the kind of life you want for your future?? Yucky...

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 09:32 AM   #64
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tubular View Post
    Now she says "well you can forget that, I will never go to N.O. with you now!"
    I can't even see any other underlying possible issues any more with her acting like that... unless maybe she was 13.
    No, you've done nothing wrong with mention a tentative trip to N.O. Like you said you didn't just drop her and decide you just wanted to go with your friends. You had no plans with her.
    If I was the gf in the situation, I think I would feel a little hurt initially because I would have thought it was something we were going to do together, but all you would have had to do is clarify that this "guys" trip was a last minute/spur of the moment/unplanned (what have you) thing, and that we would definitely still go together at a later time, I would feel better.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 10:24 AM   #65
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Tubular, I noticed that you never answered my question about your friends. Not that it matters too much in the long run, but it would be interesting, and it would go a ways into explaining at least in part how things got to this state.

    This situation kind of reminds me of something I went through. I dated a guy once who had a roommate. This roommate had a lovely, smart, sweet girlfriend who was also very insecure in the relationship. Now, it was quite a different situation from yours in one way, in that she had good reason to be. He cheated on her almost every single weekend, and he played in a band so always had women crawling around him. She was inexperienced as well, only one other boyfriend before him, and instead of just accepting that it was an unhealthy situation for her and leaving, she became like your girlfriend, clingy, insecure, hating for him to go anywhere without her. His friend was trying to talk him into going to Vegas for a a wild boys' only weekend, and this guy said "mmm, I don't know, Cherie wouldn't like it" and the friend said "*explative* Cherie!!" He just wanted his buddy to go carousing with him. He said he felt smothered by her, that he felt he always had to spend his weekends entertaining her, etc. Then of course he met a woman that he really fell for, and loved spending all weekend, from 5pm Friday night to 8am Monday morning, entertaining her, in fact treating her like a queen. And while she trusted him, she didn't really trust the women that flocked around him anymore than Cherie did, but they treated her with a respect that they never treated Cherie with, probably because they sensed from him that he was much more serious with, I'll call her Terri," than he ever was with Cherie, and you can bet his friends knew better than to try to pursuade him to go off on a girl-scoping, drinking weekend without her, and they knew that a "*explative* Terri!" would have earned them a punch in the mouth. Not that she wouldn't have been fine with him going off somewhere without her. She was very secure in that respect. He just never did.

    I guess my point is, if your friends have this attitude, it's not helping your situation. She probably picks up on it.

    But I think the bottom line is, you are obviously very very unhappy in this relationship and don't really like being with this girl anymore as she is. You can't change her any more than she can change you. Instead of complaining about her, perhaps it's time to just set her free and let the poor girl get on with her life and learning the lessons she needs to learn and set yourself free to find a woman you would actually want to take to New Orleans with you.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 02-20-2009 at 10:30 AM.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 10:43 AM   #66
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Hi Larrylou, I apologize if I didn't answer a question, but I'm not sure what the question was?

    As I stated earlier in my posts (I thought I did?), one of my friends has cheated on his ex girlfriends several times.

    The other is single, but far as I know is not a cheater. He may be a little bit misogynistic, but he's never tried to get me to break up with my gf or convince me to do anything I shouldn't. In fact, once when I asked him his opinion on a matter involving my g/f, he told me "I don't know man, I'm not the best person to ask, my opinion on women is a little jaded and biased" He wouldn't give me his opinion past that.

    The last of the group is the guy we are going to stay with. He is the one I'm probably closest to, even though I haven't seen him in 3 years. I've never known him to be a cheater or anything like that.

    While he was away he did fall for a someone that had borderline personality disorder and was a very bad influence on him (basically making him feel like crap all the time, cheating on him, etc) but he was finally able to see the light and break away from her. He is now back home and wants to see his friends again.

    That's the basic rundown of the guys I'm going to be with.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 11:17 AM   #67
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Guys are always going to have friends who try to get them to give up their girlfriends, especially if they are single or in bad relationships. A few of my guy's friends have tried to convince him that I'm a jealous, controlling "B" and he should get rid of me. They point out other attractive women to him, implying that he could be "getting" all these other women if he only dumped me. He hasn't dumped me, he just lets them blow off and then he does what he wants, which is stay with me. He's away for the weekend as we speak, left yesterday morning and has already called me twice. And I kissed him goodbye, wished him a safe trip & good luck (he's an athlete participating in an event out of state) and went on with my day.

    Your girlfriend needs to stop putting her energy into trying to manipulate you into staying home anhd put that energy into discovering why she is so clingy, insecure and controlling. And you need to go with your friends, have a great time hanging out with them, and deal with her however you choose to when you get back.

    Oh, and a helpful (!) hint...turn off your phone or she will be blowing it up. Tell her you will call at such and such time, and stick to it, but no all day long dramatic phone sessions or your friends WILL be disgusted.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 03:05 PM   #68
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Personally, if I were the g/f I'd book my own weekend away with a few friends to a place like New Orlean or even Vegas where there will be a big party with naked people and a lot of drinking and see how my b'f deals with it.

    see how the reaction is when the tables are turned and as long as it is okay with him, then all is good.

    while you are with your buddies havin a good time, I'd be with my friends have a great time too.

    Personally, going on such a tempting vacation leaves a lot of room for trouble in any relationship. People don't normally seek out to cheat....

    and to the woman who say they've never been cheated on...that's because you never found out!

    I was with a MM for almost 2 years and his wife never had a clue...and when I dumped his sore A** he still came around crying years later begging to get back together....gawd I pity his poor wife.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 03:12 PM   #69
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonelygurl2 View Post
    Personally, if I were the g/f I'd book my own weekend away with a few friends to a place like New Orlean or even Vegas where there will be a big party with naked people and a lot of drinking and see how my b'f deals with it.

    see how the reaction is when the tables are turned and as long as it is okay with him, then all is good.

    while you are with your buddies havin a good time, I'd be with my friends have a great time too.

    Personally, going on such a tempting vacation leaves a lot of room for trouble in any relationship. People don't normally seek out to cheat....

    and to the woman who say they've never been cheated on...that's because you never found out!

    I was with a MM for almost 2 years and his wife never had a clue...and when I dumped his sore A** he still came around crying years later begging to get back together....gawd I pity his poor wife.
    Wow, what a generalization! All women have been cheated on, and those who say they haven't have but just didn't find out?

    I can tell you are still bitter about what happened, and it's coloring your response. I have been cheated on, but I don't believe all men are cheating scum.

    I too would go on a girls' weekend, and have fun with my friends. I've been hit on before, and it was easy to say no. Even while I was drunk.

    I think Tubular is going to do fine. It sure doesn't sound like he can't wait to see all the girls trying to earn their beads...he's looking forward to seeing his buddy in a great, historic atmosphere, and probably getting a lot of good laughs at all the crazy drunks. Because I would!

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 03:30 PM   #70
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    Wow, what a generalization! All women have been cheated on, and those who say they haven't have but just didn't find out?

    I can tell you are still bitter about what happened, and it's coloring your response. I have been cheated on, but I don't believe all men are cheating scum.!
    Bitter no....I never said I was bitter.....generalization...no not really, don't have time to get my quotes and look up the statistics right now

    but I was just educated on a few social science courses at a college with a university professor on social inequality and gender & sexuality, global citizenship courses.....courses EVERY woman in this world should take. Might do them some good to have their eyes opened wider and see just how far they have NOT come in this world. and how it really is a man's world and women really are just treated as sex objects

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 03:50 PM   #71
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonelygurl2 View Post
    Bitter no....I never said I was bitter.....generalization...no not really, don't have time to get my quotes and look up the statistics right now

    but I was just educated on a few social science courses at a college with a university professor on social inequality and gender & sexuality, global citizenship courses.....courses EVERY woman in this world should take. Might do them some good to have their eyes opened wider and see just how far they have NOT come in this world. and how it really is a man's world and women really are just treated as sex objects
    I'm sure some men still find women to be nothing but "sex objects" but I guess I am just lucky enough (or respect myself enough) to not be with one of those guys.

    I'm sorry, but I don't believe for a moment that all men are lying and cheating scum. My exhusband cheated on me but that doesn't mean I go through life thinking all men are like him. That's such a broad generalization that does more harm than good. Besides, it takes two to tango, doesn't it? Why would a woman knowingly be with a married man? I've never understood that one. Yes, I know it's the husband's fault since he is the one making the vows, but still.

    Anyway, I digress. I think Tubular is fine and will be fine regardless of how this whole scenario plays out. If he wanted to cheat (which he clearly doesn't) he wouldn't need a man's weekend in New Orleans to do it. Most people don't have to stray far when they have ill intentions.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 06:41 PM   #72
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    this isn't going to be popular but i don't think you should go. at 3+ years you should respect her wishes. you say she's fine w/ fishing trips just not partying trips. i don't think she's insecure i just think she is not naiive.
    our culture is strange, everyone says they should be able to do whatever they want...then look at the rates of cheating, divorce, and serial monogamists resulting in series of relationships that never even make it down the aisle.
    couples should spend time together doing couples things, imo, build your bond, don't do anything that drives a wedge between you.
    the attitude that gf's come and go but friends are forever is the wrong attitude to adopt, you need to be bound and determined that you will spend the rest of your life with this woman or it won't work.
    i don't think a mardi gras weekend with the boys is appropriate for a man in a LTR.
    and i know many say "if he wants to cheat he will do it no matter what"...do some reading...you'll find that's only partially true, there are many people, male and female, who wld never cheat but for a situation that gets out of hand.
    so be careful the situations you put yourself in, and i would advise a female of the same thing.
    we are not saints or angels just humans...i think many are calling hysteria on your gf when she has the best interests of your relationship at heart.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 06:51 PM   #73
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by nobodyknows View Post
    and i know many say "if he wants to cheat he will do it no matter what"...do some reading...you'll find that's only partially true, there are many people, male and female, who wld never cheat but for a situation that gets out of hand.
    Yeah, the whole "what happens in Vegas (or Mardi Gras) stays there" mentality, I'm on vacation, I'm in a strange place, so I can do things here I would never ever dream of doing anywhere or anytime else and get away with it. I'm not saying Tubular is or would, but it happens.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 07:05 PM   #74
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    yes LLM i am not trying to be accusatory toward Tubular either, but that is the same point i am trying to make.
    i am not the least bit insecure but i have no problem seeing the gf's POV.
    i think the best way to prevent infidelity is to understand that it is always a possibility, for me, you, or anyone, and to build a fence, so to speak, around your relationship by reducing risk.

     
    Old 02-20-2009, 10:51 PM   #75
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    Re: Ok for me to go on vacation w/o my gf?

    nobodyknows,
    Your point is valid, but tubular's gf isn't acting rational, or even mature about the situation. Of course it's okay for her to be uncomfortable with him going to N.O., but she doesn't even want to discuss it, or make serious, valid reasons for him not to go. She seems to just be acting like a child. If I were tubular, her actions would make me want to go even more (not to cheat!) but just to get away from her acting like that.

    Yes, things can happen, but tubular, you seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Even though it's only for a weekend, the trip will distance you from the situation for a little bit, and perhaps let you see in a different perspective, or you'll find out what it is you really want from your gf, and how you should go about getting it.

     
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