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  • Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

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    Old 02-17-2009, 05:22 PM   #1
    innocence
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    Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    My bf and I have been going out for about four months, but it has been really intense and we spent every single day and night together, for the first 3 months or so. For the past month we have been having quite a few arguements - full blown arguements. However, most of the time it has been my fault, I will admit. I won't go into why we've argued, but most of the time it's been about petty things which were blown out of proportion. Anyway, things are starting to get better again, slowly. However, he's just not the same around me anymore. He used to constantly tell me how amazing I am, etc etc and used to text me that he misses me after not seeing me for 1-2 hours. Whereas when I called him today, he didnt have much to say and just said 'well, I'll speak to you/see you tomorrow', which is unusual for us, seeing as we used to see each other every single day. I realise that this is most likely because of the recent arguements and the fact that he can't 'relax' around me or look forward to seeing me, since he's still cautious and worries that there might be more arguements. Even though I know that we need some time after such a long period of constantly arguing for things to go back to how they were, I just wonder if they ever will...it certainly doesnt feel possible at the moment. He's coming over to my house tomorrow and I'm not sure how I should act - slightly indifferent or the same/happy to see him? I don't want to have to play hard to get with him, but it just feels like he's not making much of an effort at the moment, and I always have to be the one to go to his house instead of him coming to mine, etc. But perhaps this is also because he needs some space and time for things to go back to normal?
    Typing this has made me realise how desperate I sound...but I just need someone to reassure me!

     
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    Old 02-17-2009, 06:37 PM   #2
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    Re: Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    You said there were lots of arguments that were mostly your fault that you don't want to go into. What was it? Jealousy? Overbearing tendencies? Either he's fed up or just the natural wearing off of the screaming endorphins. Maybe take a step back and try to change any negative vibes you may give out. Maybe try to let him come to you more even though that's really hard to do when you're dying to just get closer. Not saying play hard to get but just kinda lighten up the mood. Do something fun. Make him remember why he loves you.

     
    Old 02-17-2009, 08:44 PM   #3
    cathy1
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    Re: Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    Without knowing what the arguments were about makes it hard to know why he's pulling back.

    If it's mainly because of you being difficult then that explains his pulling away. Nothing kills a relationship faster then clingy, nagging, or nitpicking behavior - if it's about jealousy without good reason - then a guy will back off fast. I'm only guessing as I have no idea. Arguing all the time will take any light and good feelings out of your relationship.

    Having said that (and not knowing what's going on), seeing him and acting cold or cool will only make things worse - and bringing up the subject, as much as we women like to talk things out, sounds like it won't work here either. If you're going to see him, act like you used to act before all this started. Be light and fun. Unless you want to hash this out and find out what's going on in head then try to get yourself back to "before fighting". If after while that doesn't work then you'll need to tell him how you feel about him and whatever you've been fighting about will have to be resolved be yours or his behavior changes......

    Like I said... without knowing why your fighting makes it difficult to give advice.

     
    Old 02-18-2009, 01:55 AM   #4
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    Re: Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    Thanks for all of the replies. Well, the arguements were about small, petty things that were just blown out of proportion. I must add that a month ago, I started the contraceptive pill for the first time, and my emotions were all over the place..I just couldnt control myself AT ALL and was constantly crying or furious at anything he did (at things which would've been ok, had I not been on the pill). He knows that I am a completely different person because of the pill, and has asked me to stop taking it..I am switching to another one (I'm on the strongest one, and the one which is notorious for mood swings and side effects) in a week. The arguements would start off by him saying something to 'hurt me' or 'upset me', but it would be something very insignificant, but I would make a big deal out of it and then we would spend hours and hours discussing it and going through it. I was never like this before! He said that he's fed of up constantly having something to sort out and that he wants to be able to relax around me, without having to worry that I'll start another arguement.
    So do I just back off for a while and let him come to me? He's coming over to my house tonight, so I will try to let him 'remember why he loves me' by being more like the person he first started dating - fun, easy going, etc.

     
    Old 02-18-2009, 02:24 AM   #5
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    Re: Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    Since you claim it is all your fault why would he want to come to your house at all. When the newness of a relationship wears out this fast then you have to wonder if he is just tired of this and wants to move on to someone a little less argumentative. If you are the one that started it then you apologize for your behavior and learn how to communicate with this guy in a nice way...that is if you want to keep him or any other guy around. If you can't accept this as your fault then why would you want to be with someone that you so violently disagree with so much of the time? Good luck.

     
    Old 02-18-2009, 03:44 AM   #6
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    Re: Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by innocence View Post
    So do I just back off for a while and let him come to me? He's coming over to my house tonight, so I will try to let him 'remember why he loves me' by being more like the person he first started dating - fun, easy going, etc.
    Yes! And by all means, no arguments! No matter how angry or sad you get inside! Unless he actually does something fun and even in that case as hard as it just discuss things calmly, cooly and collectively!

    Good luck.

     
    Old 02-18-2009, 09:40 AM   #7
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    Re: Bf doesn't seem as keen anymore

    Have you clearly explained that the pills are doing this to you? Dumb as this may sound, print off something about how bad the emotional side effects (make sure it's detailed about the emotional side effects) are and hand it to him to read. Just hand it to him before saying anything. Print off a couple of them and because guys don't like things that are long and drawn out... highlight the parts that he needs to read).

    If he sees that this is a drug induced behavior change then he should understand that this isn't the real you. Simply say... this started on these pills and I'm stopping them immediately and going onto something else.

    If you truly weren't like this at all before these pills then he should understand and as soon as your back to normal he "should", if he truly cares for you, forget about that all this happened.

    Don't explain by your words..... sometimes a guy needs to things in print. If you're still on these pills now, then be careful not to go off the deep end if he's not acting the way you want him to.

    Last edited by cathy1; 02-18-2009 at 09:43 AM.

     
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