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  • How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

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    Old 04-05-2009, 02:59 AM   #16
    jsfai
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Brokenheart88 View Post
    I wasnt expecting instant contact - I just wanted for her at the very least to show some effort and initiative in contacting me if she wasnt lying about really wanting to gettting to know me. I mean after the first couple times we talked on the phone, she went 5 days before returning my call or even txts. I know people get busy and may work a lot, but sorry...a call to someone takes 2 mins out of your day. Even a simple txt takes 20 seconds! Show some common courtesy! Its just careless and perhaps insulting to treat someone like last nights dinner.

    But when she says that she will "call, text, get back to me" and she doesnt? How am I suppose to not think negatively of that? And the fact that she was so stuck on maybe plans for fri night, and even tells me to call her at noon on Fri just before she goes to work so we can finalize things....she doesnt even pick up and even more insulting ignores me for the rest of the day!

    When I talked to her thurs night, she flat out said that shes serious about wanting to getting to know me and even suggested hanging out. She was always THE one who suggested us hanging out. But when we tried to make plans for fri night, she was making it so difficult, like a complete chore!

    Im sorry but im just a straight up guy who speaks my mind and wears my heart on my sleeve. I like a girl, I show it and put effort into getting to know them. I make plans, I pick a day, time and place. But shes obviously not very accomodating.
    I think you need to relax and not be so judgmental. You use words like 'lying' 'insulting' 'ignores' 'complete chore''not accommodating'. You have made it all her fault and not thought about your behavior at all. Has it occurred to you that maybe she really is busy in her life....maybe she isnt a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, may be she finds 'straight up' confronting.

    What do you mean 'straight up'? do you mean honest or do you mean full on and to the point. think about the answer and compare it to your behavior. It can be a rhetorical question...
    Reading back over your orignial post you contacted her every day for the first few days and then 'off the bat' you "asked her if she was serious about wanting to get to know each other. If not, then tell me now, so I can move on as Im not into games. I was just upfront with her." That is very confronting after only one week...I would have run a mile or if I was interesting in gettting to know you a bit better I too would have wanted a busy placve to meet. Also after just eight days you are questioning if she is playing games...I think it's all a little too full on.
    Also re read your post, look at the language - 'I was bored so I txt her'' surprisingly she called back' 'not surprisinlgy she didnt call back''I was skeptical by now...I was also skeptical that she would even pick up her phone'. It is all very negative. You keep saying that she 'didnt pick up' - maybe she wasnt there or she was in the shower, you make it sound as though she was sitting near the phone but didn't pick it up because she knew it was you. Remember that you called off the calls in the first day or so becouse your were busy or driving or whatever and yet you seem to have a negative opinion of her not being able to take your calls.

    I dont think that she is being selfish, I think she is being wary. I think you may be overwhleming her.

    I'm sorry, I am not trying to box you around the ears, I just think that maybe you should give a little space, a little mysterious exploration to a potential new realtionship. I think maybe you need to have a little look at yourself.

    J

     
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    Old 04-05-2009, 09:17 AM   #17
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jsfai View Post
    I think you need to relax and not be so judgmental. You use words like 'lying' 'insulting' 'ignores' 'complete chore''not accommodating'.
    I'm not purposely being that way but its hard to not think negatively that's all. I still want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

    Quote:
    You have made it all her fault and not thought about your behavior at all. Has it occurred to you that maybe she really is busy in her life....maybe she isnt a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, may be she finds 'straight up' confronting
    .

    Yiu have a good point - I never thought of that. But that still doesn't explain herself for not even calling me back on fri when she flat out told me thurs night that she wanted to do something on fri and for me to call her fri @ noon to finalize plans. How would you explain that? Anyone would take that as a slap in the face, especially since she txt me last night saying how she ended up going out with her friends fri night. So that gives her a reason not to at least let me know that she didn't want to do anything that night? Its called being responsible and having common courtesy.

    Quote:
    What do you mean 'straight up'? do you mean honest or do you mean full on and to the point.
    Straight to the point and I speak my mind. I have nothing to hide.

    Quote:
    Reading back over your orignial post you contacted her every day for the first few days and then 'off the bat' you "asked her if she was serious about wanting to get to know each other. That is very confronting after only one week...I would have run a mile or if I was interesting in gettting to know you a bit better I too would have wanted a busy placve to meet. Also after just eight days you are questioning if she is playing games...I think it's all a little too full on.
    After we originally talked 2 thurs ago - I called her on the fri, sat, sun. Nothing on mon, txt her on tues, nothing on wed and then she took the initiative and got in touch with me again on thurs.

    Quote:
    Remember that you called off the calls in the first day or so becouse your were busy or driving or whatever
    Big difference - when she called me back and I couldn't talk I called her back when I was available. Whereas she takes her sweet time. She even told me on thurs night that she had wed off work and just spent the day with friends. If she really was into me, and as busy as she says, you would think that she would contact me on her day off as opposed to when she's at work.


    Quote:
    I'm sorry, I am not trying to box you around the ears, I just think that maybe you should give a little space, a little mysterious exploration to a potential new realtionship. I think maybe you need to have a little look at yourself.
    True - well she txt me late last night saying "sorry about last night, my friends forced me to go clubbing, I knew you don't like clubs. I'm with them now"

    Ok so she went out with her friends instead - that's cool, I have no problem with that. But still should have at least taken the 2mins out of her day to let me know that she didn't want to do anything anymore on fri. Its called common courtesy. Anyone knows this!

    So now that she has txt me last night - what you sugeest I do now? How do I even react to what she said? I have no clue to be honest. Should I wait a day before replying back? Should I call instead? Should I give her the benefit of the doubt again and try to make plans with her again?

    She does have tues and wed off work this upcoming week and said she would be up for doing somethingt then.

    Last edited by Brkenhrt; 04-05-2009 at 09:21 AM.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 10:29 AM   #18
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Furthermore, (even though everyone thinks im an idiot for not ditching her already), Im still giving this girl the benefit of the doubt that shes NOT just playing me/leading me on. I will give her one more shot at us making plans but I might take Maries advice and play a bit hard to get for a bit and give her a taste of her own medicine.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 10:39 AM   #19
    marie25
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Good for you! Before you just give up all hope you gotta give it a chance...and by you yourself playing hard to get...IF it doesnt work out..you wont just wind up looking pathetic!! Good luck and keep us updated!

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 10:59 AM   #20
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by marie25 View Post
    Good for you! Before you just give up all hope you gotta give it a chance...and by you yourself playing hard to get...IF it doesnt work out..you wont just wind up looking pathetic!! Good luck and keep us updated!
    so what do you think I should do next marie? Should I txt her back or call her back? If so, when? How would I reply to her txt last night? Should I just ignore it like I never read it and just immediaitely jump to making a new date with her?

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 11:14 AM   #21
    Jess75
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Go with your initial instinct by not texting her and waiting for her to call you. That was very rude of her to go out AFTER she made plans with you and didn't tell you UNTIL she was out. Sheesh...if it was me I wouldn't text back but if she calls you, I would give her ONE more chance. Three strikes and your out. No but really, that's what I would do.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 11:34 AM   #22
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jessicca View Post
    Go with your initial instinct by not texting her and waiting for her to call you. That was very rude of her to go out AFTER she made plans with you and didn't tell you UNTIL she was out. Sheesh...if it was me I wouldn't text back but if she calls you, I would give her ONE more chance. Three strikes and your out. No but really, that's what I would do.
    Well she didnt officially make plans with me for fri night, nothing was set in stone. She just said to me thurs night to call her fri @ noon before she heads off to work and then we can make something concrete. Then I called, she didnt pick up, I left a message and she didnt get in touch with me until late last night.

    Last edited by Brkenhrt; 04-05-2009 at 11:35 AM.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 11:43 AM   #23
    Jess75
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    [QUOTE=Brokenheart88;3945864]
    Quote:
    She just said to me thurs night to call her fri @ noon before she heads off to work and then we can make something concrete.
    Well ok you two didn't make plans initially, but she planned on making plans with you... and you were fully aware of that. At any rate, her going out and not calling you at all to tell you that she was going out on Friday with her friends instead is still rude.

    Last edited by Jess75; 04-05-2009 at 11:49 AM.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 11:48 AM   #24
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    [QUOTE=Jessicca;3945869]
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Brokenheart88 View Post
    Well ok she didn't make plans initially, but she planned on making plans with you...in which her going out and not calling you at all is still rude.
    I agree, she could have at least let me know, it was a slap in the face I tell ya. My brothers think im nuts for even still giving her another chance.

    But even when she does call me, what should I say to her? I dont even know how to react to her txt! Should I just not bring it up like it didnt bother me? Im guessing I should just cut to the chase and make plans for her - how she handles that situation will determine fully what kind of person she is and if shes in this for real.

    Last edited by Brkenhrt; 04-05-2009 at 11:49 AM.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 12:05 PM   #25
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    But even when she does call me, what should I say to her?
    Hmmm good question. If it were me, and I'll be totally honest...I think I would act like it didn't even bother me and give her another chance. Because you don't want to come off appearing to be obsessive, but if she would continue to treat you in a similar way in the future then you know that it's time to kick her to the curb! But like another poster said, don't be available for her all the time. If she's free on a Friday for example, tell her your busy even though you may not be. It's sad, but alot of women like a man who is challenging and plays hard to get.
    To sum it up, don't take this girl seriously at all right now. Keep your eye open, as if you are single, after all you aren't officially her boyfriend yet are you.
    You seem to be very into her though, which can make taking this situation lightly very difficult.

    Last edited by Jess75; 04-05-2009 at 12:07 PM.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 12:07 PM   #26
    marie25
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Well this is what I would do...I would go ahead and text her back at your soonest convenience and say "Oh, thats ok..I actually wound up having plans. Did you have fun?" and then she'll reply back something like...."yeah I had a blast" and then you should respond back with...."awesome " thats it...THEN....Leave it be....UNTIL...she has time to sit there and wonder to herself, "hmm I thought I had him wrapped around my finger and he'd succom to my little games...I guess I'd better text him and ask him when he wants to hang out before it's too late!!" then you can make plans..That's a best case senario...

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 12:28 PM   #27
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jessicca View Post
    Hmmm good question. If it were me, and I'll be totally honest...I think I would act like it didn't even bother me and give her another chance. Because you don't want to come off appearing to be obsessive, but if she would continue to treat you in a similar way in the future then you know that it's time to kick her to the curb! But like another poster said, don't be available for her all the time. If she's free on a Friday for example, tell her your busy even though you may not be. It's sad, but alot of women like a man who is challenging and plays hard to get.
    To sum it up, don't take this girl seriously at all right now. Keep your eye open, as if you are single, after all you aren't officially her boyfriend yet are you.
    You seem to be very into her though, which can make taking this situation lightly very difficult.
    Ok ill do that - act as if what happened last fri didnt bother me at all, I wont even bring it up. And if she apologizes for it again, ill just like "no worries..." and carry on. Im going to keep our phone chats limited, no more 3hr chats. I just want to meet her in person, as that will give me a much clearer picture to see if shes for real or not. Otherwise, i could just be wasting my time talking to her for 3hrs on the phone. Am I right?

    And I wont txt or call her back right away, if she wants to play this stupid game, well then Ill give her a taste of her own medicine. Even though i find it rather immature and unnessecary - as Im just a blunt straight forward guy. If I want something, I persue it, no stupid childish waiting game.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 12:31 PM   #28
    Brkenhrt
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by marie25 View Post
    Well this is what I would do...I would go ahead and text her back at your soonest convenience and say "Oh, thats ok..I actually wound up having plans. Did you have fun?" and then she'll reply back something like...."yeah I had a blast" and then you should respond back with...."awesome " thats it...THEN....Leave it be....UNTIL...she has time to sit there and wonder to herself, "hmm I thought I had him wrapped around my finger and he'd succom to my little games...I guess I'd better text him and ask him when he wants to hang out before it's too late!!" then you can make plans..That's a best case senario...
    But what would I achieve from all that? Wouldnt it be better to just wait for her to txt or call me again? If I text her right now saying that, and end it like how you suggested with "Awesome" then ignore her...she might keep my talking. I know this sounds stupid.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 12:39 PM   #29
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Quote:
    I just want to meet her in person, as that will give me a much clearer picture to see if shes for real or not. Otherwise, i could just be wasting my time talking to her for 3hrs on the phone. Am I right?
    Ahhh yeah... most definitely.

    Do you even know what she looks like? Are you attracted to her physically?

    Last edited by Jess75; 04-05-2009 at 12:39 PM.

     
    Old 04-05-2009, 12:40 PM   #30
    marie25
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    Re: How do YOU tell if a girl is playing hard to get? What are YOUR methods?

    Well, I think that if you don't reply back to her text she already sent you...that she might think that it made you pretty upset about her cancelling/not caring about your "unofficial" plans..So if thats what you want her to think??? but if i were you...i would want her to think that it didnt bother me(which the other poster suggested)so you need to reply by saying it's ok, you were busy anyways...And then you could either leave it at that or ask her if she had fun...that's up to your preference of how YOU are. This is just MY opinion, MY advice..you don't have to follow it..but I know I used to be a really gamesy girl and I would've wanted guys to respond in this way and not get all pissy...not that she's seen you pissy or anything...I just think that this "type" of girl(just assuming this "type" from what you've said) is going to want a challenge...not an easy score.

     
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