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  • My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

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    Old 05-05-2009, 05:42 PM   #16
    MrZeely
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Well its true, i confirmed today when i saw her. First she kept saying her vagina was bleeding a lot. I was in the bathroom today, and she went to pee, and she showed me when she wiped the front with toilet paper, and there was blood on the paper, and blood in the underwear. I went to her house for just a second, and i am not 100% sure what a police report looks like, but it was a white piece of paper on her counter with writing, what id assume a police report looks like. I didnt take a look at it.

    She told me the police told her "its best not to tell anyone for now" because her mom mentioned to the police that i have some really bad anxiety and anger issues, which is true. After that, the police said "So for now, until everything settles down, its best to not tell him anything so he doesnt make you even more hurt, or he doesnt take it into his own hands".

    She also said she didnt fight it as much as she could have. She screamed but not much, and she tried not to harm him as much. She said this is because the first time it happened when she was young, she fought, she screamed, but everytime she did that, he hit her, choked her, and make it hurt worse. She said this time she screamed, and tried to get him off, but she said it was very very brief, the guy seemed scared as hell and he ran away shortly after it started.


    Well now that it has been confirmed. What do i do? Today i tried by best to make her have a good time, and it worked for awhile, but i could tell she wasnt right. She thanked me for trying so hard today, it means a lot, but she may be a bit aggressive, or distant on and off.

    Last edited by MrZeely; 05-05-2009 at 05:52 PM.

     
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    Old 05-05-2009, 07:19 PM   #17
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I'm sorry young man, but taking a glance of a paper with writing on it, hardly constitutes a valid police report. If they felt your fragile emotional state would make this worse for her, I can assure they would have encouraged her to distance herself from you, while she gets counseling.

    This is a new world, with new rules, and new laws that are not compromised in order not to upset the boyfriend of a rape victim. Trust me...you are in the middle of something too big to devote your life too. What about you? Why don't you focus on your personal vision of your life, rather than stop and fix someone. It doesn't sound like you two are enhancing each others lives. Create a happy and enjoyable life for yourself first, then you will naturally attract happy and enjoyable people into your life. I wish you well.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 08:16 PM   #18
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I know the tendency for many guys is to be "fixers". They seek out women with issues so that they can feel needed and wanted by their girlfriends. However, the problem with that is that in many cases, these problems run too deep and are too ancient for any one guy to fix them. It's the kind of stuff that requires professional therapy, something that the average guy can't provide to any woman, no matter how much he might want to help her.

    Your girlfriend has had these problems for a long time. She isn't just going to snap out of it and become the ideal gf. Until she deals with everything that has happened to her in her past, all she has done is band-aid the situation, which has caused a ton of problems in your relationship already.

    I know you really want to believe her that she is telling you the truth, but none of the evidence you have presented is in any way conclusive. As to the bleeding situation, how do you know she isn't on her period? Is she on the Pill? It could be breakthrough bleeding. Could she possibly have recently taken Plan B? Again, that could cause breakthrough bleeding. It's just not conclusive definite evidence to support her story.

    That piece of paper? It could be anything. Since you didn't actually look at it, then you have no way of knowing what it was. I've seen police reports before, it's usually more than one page. I was a witness to a crime once and had to make a statement to the police. I got a copy of the report. It isn't just some random piece of paper.

    I'm sorry because I know this is a difficult situation for you. I just hope that you will consider the possibility that perhaps she has very deep issues and made it up because you told her you wanted a break. Is that a crappy thing for her to do? Absolutely!! But you said yourself that you had a lot of trouble beleiving her when she first told you. Just remember that women aren't the only ones who have an intuition about stuff. Guys are capable of having that sixth sense about stuff, too. You have a right to question this. She has yet to provide you any real evidence that this actually happened.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 08:25 PM   #19
    MrZeely
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I have been in her room countless amounts of times, numerous times throughout the week for 2 years. I have never seen a paper like that, and i am certain it is a police report. Though i just didnt look at it.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 08:40 PM   #20
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lazer 77 View Post
    I have been in her room countless amounts of times, numerous times throughout the week for 2 years. I have never seen a paper like that, and i am certain it is a police report. Though i just didnt look at it.
    Why didn't you look at it?

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:57 PM   #21
    MrZeely
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Can we actually just try to help with the situation instead of convince me its a lie? Even though i know its not a lie.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 04:49 AM   #22
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lazer 77 View Post
    Can we actually just try to help with the situation instead of convince me its a lie? Even though i know its not a lie.
    Ok, in this case, you have just to support her through this difficult moment and do whatever she asks you to do.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 07:30 AM   #23
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Whether it is a lie or not a lie is not the issue. What is the issue is that YOU can not help this woman on your own. She needs therapy, lots of therapy. If she does not get a good therapist and get it in her head that she must work with this therapist, then she will only get worse because she has no sense of self worth. Rape, especially at an early age, takes a huge toll on a girl's self-esteem and how they view themselves. Believe me, you are NOT helping her at all by coddling her, by trying to make her have fun, by trying to take her mind off things. She has to face these things, all of the issues she is bottling up. The only way they will ever "go away" (they will never actually go away but she can learn to live with them) is for her to face them with a trained therapist. (FYI not all therapists are alike and not all trained to deal with her specific issues. And she must be very comfortable with the therapist who treats her or it will not work.)

    Encourage her strongly to get help from a therapist. I cannot stress this enough! Stop coddling her, stop trying to protect her and stop trying to force her to have fun and forget. And don't try to be her informal therapist. If you want to remain her boyfriend through this, then simply act like her boyfriend. Do the things you would have done before the "incident" - go to the movies, out to eat, spend time with friends, etc. Don't talk about the "incident" unless she directly brings it up, and then just let her talk. DO NOT give her advice or encourage her to forget it.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 07:39 AM   #24
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    That's exactly what I said! She needs therapy, the kind that you can not provide as her boyfriend. She needs professional help from an actual qualified doctor. If she refuses to do that, then there's literally nothing you can do about it. I know it sucks and you wish you could make it all better but you can't. There's nothing you can do except tell her to get therapy. And don't be surprised if she gets mad and says she doesn't need it, although clearly she does because she's making up stuff about serious things that should not be messed around with.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 07:44 AM   #25
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    When she told me, not too long later i asked if she would please consider going to a therapist. She said she has already considered it, but she is scared and feels like she is a lesser person if she goes. I told her its not true, people go to see a therapist all the time for all different things.

    She said she is pretty sure she will go, and she will discuss it with her mom. But i know her, and i know she wants to try it, but i know she is nervous and scared over it, and she will put it off as long as she possibly can.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 08:41 AM   #26
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    first of all, whether she is lying or not may not be the issue in YOUR eyes, Lazer, but what these people who are replying are trying to get you to see is that it may be a bigger issue that goes along with the problems you have been having with this girl all along.

    There are many inconsistencies and no concrete evidence so far in this. And you don't seem to want to see anything--I'm just not sure if it's because you don't want to confirm that she is lying, or that you don't want to confirm that she's telling the truth....

    IF she were raped, the police wouldn't tell her not to tell you. They would absolutely want her to tell you, because you'd be looking out for her well-being and watching to make sure she didn't exhibit any suicidal behaviors or other fallout from being attacked...the people at the hospital that she went to after would have done a rape kit and examined her, and would have her come back at intervals to check to see if she contracted any STD's or HIV. They would, of course, instruct her to tell you and to not have unprotected sex until those things are ruled out. They would likely have tried to give her plan B to prevent her from getting pregnant from the rape. Which, bleeding is certainly a side effect of this.

    You have to ask yourself, why would you be presented with the opportunity to view a police report, and not do it? She must have gotten paperwork from the hospital, wouldn't you want to see that? It would also prob be part of the police report. Did she talk about going to the hospital after? What did she say took place there? What did they tell her about going back for further checkups? These are all questions that as her boyfriend, you deserve answers to.

    If we assume that this is all true and she was raped, you need to do more than just say, "yeah, you should go to counseling....." Offer to take her, offer to go with her, don't let her dictate when, you have to keep pushing. IF she is the type of person who doesn't follow through on things for anxiety or any other reason, you have to try to complement that in the relationship and push her to do them. If you both are just going to sit back and be lax about everything, you're not going to survive being together. Someone needs to step up.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 09:04 AM   #27
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    lazer - in my opinion, the root of the problem is that your girlfriend is comfortable in the role of "victim". You want to be the white knight and rescue the damsel in distress. This girl is emotionally unstable, and it's not in your control to fix it.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 09:30 AM   #28
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I agree that she may need therapy. If the rape was real, she needs it to recover from the trauma. If the rape is fiction, then she needs therapy to sort out her attraction to lying. It could also be the case that she is exaggerating the facts: maybe someone really approached her, and she feared that he was about to rape or attack her. Yet nothing really happened.

    Anyway, back to the main topic. If she needs therapy, how can you convince her that she needs it? From what I have been reading on here, she is not a type that can be persuaded very easily.

    Again, this is a difficult case. You don't want to leave her in this difficult moment, but also you have to see if this is too much weight for you to carry alone on your shoulders.

    Last edited by pendulum; 05-06-2009 at 09:31 AM.

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 09:38 AM   #29
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    lazer - something else to think about......one day she might say you raped her......I'm curious as to what her definition of rape is?

     
    Old 05-06-2009, 09:48 AM   #30
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    lazer - something else to think about......one day she might say you raped her......I'm curious as to what her definition of rape is?
    You're touching on a very important question. I've heard about daughters complaining of their fathers' sexual harrassment, and yet no material evidence of it was ever found. Yes, I'm afraid that some young girls are prone to fantasies of this sort.

    Last edited by pendulum; 05-06-2009 at 09:48 AM.

     
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