My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

rosequartz

lazer everyone is trying to help you, if you don't want to listen, we can't help you. maybe one day you will look back and realize that what everyone is trying to tell you has some merit......I'm just sorry you can't see that now.
good luck to you.....just one more thing, if you insist on staying with this girl, it will continue to be an unhealthy relationship and probably just get more dramatic as time goes on. and you never answered, what happens if she says you raped her? can you afford a lawyer? this girl has the potential to ruin your whole life, I just wish you could see that

Mary83

Lazer,
It's hard for us to give advice when we don't believe the situation. And to us, it seems as though you have blinders on and you just want to believe she was raped. You don't want to think she would lie about something like this.

As for what you can do, several people told you; nothing. There is nothing you can do. You can't save her or make her better. You honestly can't. All you can do is keep urging her to get help and be there for her when she needs you. But, you can't cure her, you can't be her hero. I know you really want to be, but it just doesn't work that way. She needs to take care of herself and get herself help. Be there for her when she needs you and that's the best you can do.

Redneon82

Lazer, I've been through some trauma in my life, much of which occurred when I was a child. Now, I have confided in a select few people, all of whom were sympathetic and supportive...but none of them could "fix" my issues. All they could do was lend an ear when I felt down, and let me know that my life has value and that they will always be my friends.

I've acted out as a result of my issues in some unhealthy ways, but there was nothing my friends could do except encourage me to try to find a healthier outlet, and to get help if/when I needed it. That's really all you can do.

Also, realize that until she gets professional help, these issues will continue to rule her life and she may become self-destructive as a result. It's hard to watch, but really, you can't stop it.

writeleft

Lazer,

OK, drop the lying thing. Without all the facts, no one can really know. Stranger things have happened. Lets not get hung up on that particlar issues. I see deeper problems than just that one incident. We are not trying to beat up on you, many of us have been through these same types of things, and are simply trying to share the bigger picture with you, from different sets of eyes. Tread lightly....

MrZeely

Another thing i would like to drop, she would never say i raped her. You guys are turning this into something COMPLETELY different than i intended.

I understand that i may not be able to do much to help her. But what do i do then? Just act normal, as if nothing happened? And let her deal with it on her own? Personally, that sounds a bit selfish. I wont like force help for her, but if she needs help or tries to talk to me about it, i am always there. I wouldnt just ignore it, to me, thats horribly wrong.

Tivo123

I think you should continue to encourage her to get therapy. She needs to get over this being scared of going thing because that's a lame excuse not to go. She should be even more scared of what not going is going to do for her in the long run. She clearly has major issues and she is in need of professional help.

No one is saying for you not to do anything or to ignore it. But if she refuses to get any help for her problem, then the point is that you can't fix it. Do you understand that? You're not going to be the one to make it better. She needs a therapist for that.

MrZeely

I talked to her about the therapist today, she said she is scared for a few reasons. She doesnt want to feel weak doing that. She doesnt want it to be a male therapist because she is scared he will start coming on to her. And she said she will not feel comfortable talking about it to a complete stranger, and she wouldnt trust a complete stranger.

I explained to her its for her own good, tons of people get therapy just nobody talks about it. And if a male therapist is a concern, i said im sure its no problem to find a female therapist. And i said they are complete strangers, but they are professionals, and they have a certain code they have to follow, where they CANNOT mention anything about your case to anyone else no matter what. That she will be protected by law.

I explained it all to her. She says she promises she will look into it. I know i cant help her or fix the problem, i know this. But what i do know, is that in the meantime i can be supportive and help her get by on a day to day basis. But i know i will not fix her problems in any way.

Cakies

Whether or not this girl was raped is not clear to me I don't know her or you, I was a rape victim myself my reaction was very different from hers, I didn't tell anyone. I was 15 when it happened and Im 22 now the only person I ever told is my husband a few months ago just before our wedding. For a long time I felt ashamed like it was my fault. Please do not accuse her directly of lying be as subtle as possible if you try to confirm this. If she was raped the last thing she needs is accusations. One thing you said in your first post that bothers me is you say the rape is 95% your fault and 5% her brother's fault. If there was a rape it is 100% the rapist's fault and when you deal with her you must make that clear, because if she was raped she maybe feeling it's her fault, in her head she may think she didn't fight hard enough or she acted in a way that brought it on herself, you must help her see that it is the rapist's fault, placing the blame on you and her brother wont help. It is not your fault and the best thing you can do is just be supportive talk to her about it when she wants to talk, listen when she needs you to and don't pry.

MrZeely

She already discussed some stuff to me, and said it feels good to let it out. But she blames herself, because if she didnt say those mean things to mean, i wouldnt have wanted to wait before we spoke again, she knew she shouldnt leave alone since her brother said he would come back in a few minutes, and he tried to take her along too but she refused. And she said if she werent wearing a bathing suit at the time, it wouldnt have happened.

I dont know. Whether its anyones fault or not, you're right, its pointless to put blame on anyone for it. Its just counter productive here.

nobodyknows

Lazer,
you aren't going to want to hear this, break up with this girl while you are still young. There is not one thing in the world you can do to help her, she will always get worse, and you'll regret not breaking up with her now. Think about it. Ya'll were broken up before this event. Why does this change anything? If you didn't want to be with her before, how does her getting raped change a single thing? Understand how her story is suspicious? Why would a rape change anything about a breakup? the two of you are high drama and if I were you I would bail. You said she used to throw stuff in your face about ex-boyfriends and her sexual history so really I think her integrity is a little bit totally shot. I know you want everyone to just forget about the whole "lying thing"....Lazer I'm sorry. She wanted your attention, she wanted you back, she wanted to make you feel sorry for abandoning her...she cooked up a lame little story and she got it.
Nobody's attacking you it's just what I see.
Good luck.

redsoxgirl2418

What you said about your gf not wanting a male therapist because she's afraid that he will come on to her...just, wow. I think she has some really serious perception issues. No woman in her right mind thinks every man out there is going to try to get with her. It makes me question what she considered "rape" and whether her perception of what happened is different from the reality. It is possible that she might not be lying, but she may actually think something different happened...either way, she needs therapy. If she has opened up and said she wants to do it, you could certainly help her with the follow through. If anyone you know knows a good therapist, share it with her. Help her go through listings on line or in the phonebook. You don't just have to sit back and wait.

trystme

It is easy enough to get a female therapist.

Hangin in There

Lazer, I don't believe her story either. Does it not seem suspicious to you at all that as soon as you two had broken up, she just happened to be left on a secluded beach and someone came along and raped her? Given her past history of lies and drama, her story is not believable. She loves attention and loves being the victim. I know you don't want to hear that so I'll go on to my second point.

You should take our advice and get out of this relationship while you can. This girl has some serious mental issues. Now she thinks a male therapist will come on to her? Should she decide to go to counseling, I wouldn't put it past her to make up accusations against the therapist.

Do you need all this drama in your life? She's a head case. RUN!!!

calmbloke

Lazer, I'm inclined to agree with the others here. Having been mixed up with someone very needy myself I see a lot of parallels here. I wouldn't mind betting that if you gave this girl a wide bearth something else dramatic would happen to her to try and garner your attention.

Even if she were genuinely raped, and even if she did get counselling, I think the chances are that this person would then move on from you anyway. The only difference being that she'd have had you to lean on right up until that point.

I've experienced a similar thing - a woman who I thought wouldn't say A, B, C about me got progressively more outlandish in the things she was coming out with. Very early on she told me her husband had raped her. It was a lie. Whenever I took space from her outbursts as you had done, she'd suddenly start citing all these loving feelings she "couldn't" articulate before, or she'd suddenly need emotional help. Worse, people like this can be nice as pie one minute and totally turn on you the next. From what your initial post said it sounds like this girl is rather like that. Maybe she didn't mean to be mean to you, but the fact is she was, and one day you'll run out of chances you can give her. Take it from a man who's gone grey trying to support a headcase, you're better off out of it.

You may think you can try and help, you may even feel some sense of duty to try and help because you've been together. I doubt you can. Consciously or otherwise (it can be so hard to tell!) this woman is manipulating you.

In my view, a woman who was raped wouldn't be too keen to show you the blood to try and prove her story. Very little of what you've said stacks up. The only proof you've got comes from her lips, and your own interpretation of a piece of paper, and as I've found out myself, the word of someone volatile isn't worth much at all.