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  • My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

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    Old 05-05-2009, 09:08 AM   #1
    MrZeely
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    My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Its hard for me to make this topic because its so hard to put this into words. We have been dating for 2 years and a month, and things lately have been really bad (lately meaning the past month and a half). We got into a really big argument, and she said some mean things to me, and i decided i need a day or two apart to decide if we can continue our relationship. Well the next day, her brother knew we were fighting so he took her to the beach to keep her mind off things. Well after awhile, her brother left to grab some food and said he would come right back, and she got bored and started to head to her car. In daylight, someone attacked her and raped her. It was a stranger, and the police believe it was a tourist.

    She lied to me recently about it, she made up some crazy story about something that happened on the beach, then she made up a bunch of things. She says the police told her not to tell anyone, especially me because people have a habit of acting wrong and making the situation worse for her, or trying to take it into their own hands.

    This is the second time she was seriously raped. First time when she was 13 by a stranger, and she had to get an abortion. She resorted to promiscuous behavior and abusing drugs and alcohol for a few years. I met her when she was about to be 17, and i was 18. It was a very rough relationship, because i had to deal with her telling me stories about other guys, dressing overly revealing, and me being horribly insecure thinking she was cheating on me because of the way she acted. Two years later, she thanks me all the time because she claims i brought the real her back to life, she doesnt do stupid things, she doesnt act bad, and she acts like a normal happy person. She tells me all the time that i "saved her life".

    When it comes to the first attack though. The first one never bothered me, the situation i mean, but the fact that she resorted to doing bad things and began to ruin her life is what did. None of it bothered me, because the way i see it, its not her fault, she had no control. Second attack that just happened recently, i feel the same, it doesnt bother me too much, but i am worried about her.

    (What i want for her)
    I want to be there for her to help her, but i dont know what to do. I really dont want to see her ruin her life again through drugs, alcohol, or whatever. I thought about taking her to Florida to an amusement park, like we talked recently about it before anything happened, but i just cannot afford it and nobody will help me out. I want to do something for her, i keep trying to be honest with her, and tell her it doesnt bother me, what bothers me is whats going on in her head right now. She is an amazing person, who was lost because someone violated her at a young age, but i brought it back. Now i am afraid it will go away again. She claims she has wanted to hurt herself and do drugs, but she said she got really close, but turned away in the end.

    (What i feel honestly about this)
    To be true to myself. I feel like its 95% my fault, if we werent fighting, she wouldnt have had to be there. I feel like i am 95% to blame, 5% to her brother leaving her alone. Also, to be true to myself. It really does bother me, but in an abnormal way. I have been insecure with our relationship, to the point where when anyone checks her out when we are out in public, it destroys me, makes me furious, and completely hate myself. I am afraid that after this has happened, i might lose it if a guy is looking at her, because cognitively i will assume they want to hurt her. I am afraid our relationship was already really broken before this happened, but it was fixable. Now i REALLY want to help her through this, and make her feel like the amazing person she is. But i feel like after she feels better, i need to leave her and get away from this place. I love her more than anything, but i have suffered a lot in our relationship from dealing with our god awful start to our relationship. Even before her, i have had awful self esteem issues, depression problems, and even some self destructive behavior. This does hurt me alot, and i will set aside my feelings until she feels better because that is my #1 priority. After that, the only person that can heal my pain is her (the only person who has EVER made me feel good about myself is her, and a little my parents), and that is unfair to her.

    I am really lost. Sorry if this might make absolutely no sense at all. Just on the spot typing. But what i know for sure, is that i will do whatever i can to make her feel better, and make sure she doesnt resort to her old ways.

     
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    Old 05-05-2009, 09:10 AM   #2
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    lazer I'm not doubting you, but I'm finding it hard to believe that this same girl got raped again.....especially in broad daylight while her brother was nearbye. I'd ask to see the police report if I were you.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:17 AM   #3
    Mary83
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I hate to doubt rape because it's such a traumatic thing, but I'm wondering if it really happened as well. Did you see a police report or talk to the police? Did you talk to her brother about it? If she's the only one who has said anything, I'm guessing she's lying. It just seems kind of weird that you break things off for a bit and she suddenly has this traumatic experience. She knows how you reacted to her previous rape and she knows it's going to "get you". She knows you'll want to help her out and be there for her; ie, she doesn't lose you. I would ask to see a police report or at least talk to her brother about it.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:18 AM   #4
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Well i know the beach it was on, and its a little hard for me to grasp too, but it has a long path, covered by trees, in order to get to the beach from her typical parking spot. I do feel like its a bit out there too, but its possible. I completely believe it happened though, she would not lie about something like this, especially since she has already been there before.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:21 AM   #5
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    lazer don't bet on it....people lie for various reasons.
    I'd ask to see the police report, if that's not possible, she's taking you for a ride. Either this girl is a rapist magnet, or she's a drama queen......
    to me drama queen makes more sense....
    I'm not buying it! Don't be gullible.....

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:28 AM   #6
    Mary83
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lazer 77 View Post
    Well i know the beach it was on, and its a little hard for me to grasp too, but it has a long path, covered by trees, in order to get to the beach from her typical parking spot. I do feel like its a bit out there too, but its possible. I completely believe it happened though, she would not lie about something like this, especially since she has already been there before.
    Lazer, I just read your other posts, and I honestly have to say that I think she's making it up. How many times can a girl get raped and attacked in her life? I'm not saying it's not possible, but it seems every time she gets scared of losing you, she tells you her sob stories about something traumatic happening to her. That way you jump in and be her hero and she gets what she wants.

    I understand you're not going to take our advice and think she's probably lying because she is your girlfriend. And in the off chance that she's being truthful, you would feel horrible. But, I think you should at least consider it. Tell her you need to see the police report or some proof that it happened. If it really did happen, she should be able to do that.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:34 AM   #7
    MrZeely
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Well i did doubt it a bit too. But i know the path that takes you to the beach, they rerouted it through this really closed off construction area because they are building a new parking lot. I can see how someone could snatch her and do something, but i cant see how if she fought it, that nobody would hear or notice. But her brother was gone, he left the beach and drove somewhere nearby to get food, its a pretty big beach.

    Just like the first attack when she was 13, only her mother knew about it. Then she told me, other than that, nobody else knows. But i am 100% positive its true. I know how it affected her, and i know she would never lie about it, or lie about it happening again.

    She originally came up with this story, saying she felt like she has no friends but me, and one other friend. So she invited this girl from her class to meet at the beach, but only a guy from her class showed up. She said that he tried to kiss her, and she stopped it and left. That seemed weird to me, she invites a girl and someone else shows up? Then she said she wants to take it slow, because her mom thinks if we just jump back in then we will fight again and break up. But it turns out she went to the police, only her mom knows, and she is going to the doctor tomorrow to get checked out because she said her vagina hurts and bleeds.

    Since that day, when i thought the guy kissed her (i didnt find out she was attacked until like 3 hours ago), she has been distant. She doesnt want to see me as much (because she claimed she wanted to take it slow), she goes out a lot (to be around people to help her "feel better" which i know she is like that), and has been spending a lot of time with her mom, which makes sense.

    Just please guys, dont talk the way you have been talking. Bring it up like, a little more nicely? Its really bugging me, and the way some of you stated some things was a little wrong.

    I am pretty confident is true. But she has lied to me before, and she has made up some pretty in depth lies. I just do not ever see her lying about this, especially since she HAS been attacked before. I do have a lot of trust issues with her, her word isnt that strong to me, but i dont think really anyone who has been attacked before, would lie about being attacked again. Especially after a 2 year relationship.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:45 AM   #8
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    lazer we're trying to look out for YOU......
    you can believe whatever you want.....
    in my opinion, I don't believe her story....
    plain and simple.
    lightning just doesn't usually strike twice......it can happen, but.........

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 09:47 AM   #9
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I'm confused...she went to the beach with her brother, but invited a girl from her class, some guy shows up instead and tries to kiss her, then he leaves, her brother leaves and then she gets raped?

    If her brother was there, he must know what happened. Of course, a woman would be crying, distraught, possibly bruised and scratched, and her brother would certainly have asked what was wrong.

    Can you approach her brother? Explain that his sister told you what happened and you want to try to be supportive and help her through this. This will accomplish 2 things...you'll find out for sure what really happened, and her brother will see that you sincerely care about his sister and want to help.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 10:03 AM   #10
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    We don't mean to hurt you with our assumptions, but it's essential for you to read the Police Report. I find it strange that the Police "believe that it was a tourist." A tourist? At this time of the year? Why a tourist? What made the Police believe it was a tourist? Or does she think it was a tourist?

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 10:32 AM   #11
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Lazer, we only have what you have written to go on. When I first read this I too called BS. Then I went and read some of your past posts and I'm so sorry but this girl seems like a drama queen and not just any drama queen but a lying drama queen. It isn't a coincidence that you guys were fighting and then she came up with this story.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 02:48 PM   #12
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Would a police officer really tell a rape victim not to "tell anyone" what happened to her? So this traumatic event supposedly happens and the police expect the victim to just keep it all to herself? I'd ask to see the police report, too.
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    Old 05-05-2009, 03:07 PM   #13
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    I checked some of your post history and I think it's BS. She would have been hospitalized, she would have bruises and indications of a forceful event like that happening.
    Most rapes are not "strangers" they are date rape's or aquainted to the people is some fashion. I am a person that does not believe in coincidence and it just seems to unreal.
    If she could fabricate something like this she has severe mental issues and you should run in the other direction fast and never have contact again IMO.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 03:13 PM   #14
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Lazer,

    Where ever the truth lay, you have a young woman on your hands with some major issues. The chance of you ever getting enough factual information about her, positively of negatively, is unlikely. If then you were able to appropriately "treat" her past, much less fix it...would honestly take a very good therapist that she trusts, and she could see on an ongoing basis, for some time.

    Rape is a very serious crime, and the lack of evidence doesn't sound right at all. Typically the victim would draw attention, and if police were involved, she would most likely be transported to a hospital for a "rape kit". This would be all part of a police/hospital report...

    I have never heard of a women, crawling out of the bushes, after being raped, being told by the police "not to tell". It is not logical.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 03:51 PM   #15
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    Re: My girlfriend was just recently attacked. What do i do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GypsyArcher View Post
    Would a police officer really tell a rape victim not to "tell anyone" what happened to her? So this traumatic event supposedly happens and the police expect the victim to just keep it all to herself? I'd ask to see the police report, too.
    I completely agree with this comment as well as the comment left by writeleft. The police would not tell your girlfriend to not tell anyone. They wouldn't just leave it at that and say "oh, it was probably a tourist, go home and don't tell anyone". She would be provided with counseling, a rape kit, and an ongoing investigation. Rape doesn't just happen and then suddenly end to never be heard of again.

    If you believe her without a doubt, what's the harm in asking to see the police report?

     
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