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  • Haveing never felt completely cool or accepted..

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    Old 05-06-2009, 12:43 AM   #1
    Airforcedan
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    Haveing never felt completely cool or accepted..

    I have always wondered if anyone else has felt this. It is like a deep knawing hole in my soul that I have carried around with me my whole life. The thing is I have always been considered popular and well liked. I had a lot of friends in highschool and college. Heck in college when I showed up to parties ppl would run up to me say hi, girls would hug me, ppl would offer me drinks. But for some reason I have never felt fully accepted by people. I think it may be that I have never had a fully healthy realtionship with a women. All my relations have been pretty short term. I have been rejected a lot by girls that I really like. Like we would sleep together a couple of times than I would find out about her cheating on me. I have had this happen many times and I always seem to attract cold and distant women. Women that are very shallow and will ditch you in heartbeat for the next shiny thing without a feeling of guilt. Also I think that for the most part my friends have been to 'value' and ego based. Like if I go through a time in my life where I am not doing so well they will start to not hang out with me as much and put me down. Total lack of respect. I don't know if I just have hung out with the wrong people my whole life or maybe it is more in my head. Well anyhow I am about to go through a big change and will be meeting a lot of new people so hopefully I can get rid of this deep knawing feeling.

    Does ne1 else here feel this ever?

     
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    Old 05-06-2009, 05:21 AM   #2
    pendulum
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    Re: Haveing never felt completely cool or accepted..

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Airforcedan View Post
    ...

    Does ne1 else here feel this ever?
    Well, I often felt this way, too, but as I became older, these feelings of "maladjustment" (provided that's the right term for it) became weaker all the time. I think that, besides ageing, two other things might help you:

    1. Accepting yourself the way you are, but at the same time improving those aspects of yourself that can be improved, as long as the improvement will imply better health and well-being for yourself.

    2. Trying to look at other people through a less critical lens. This doesn't mean that you should never judge them (actually, you can't avoid judgments of the others for this is so typically human), but try to balance your judgements with a full consideration of the person in question. What are the positive points about them? They may appear to be shallow, but perhaps the shallowness could just be a sort of self-defense. They can be rude, but rudeness is often a sign not only of poor education, but also of self-assertion, if you see what I mean.

    Last edited by pendulum; 05-06-2009 at 05:22 AM.

     
    Old 05-07-2009, 06:26 PM   #3
    MsInspiration
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    Re: Haveing never felt completely cool or accepted..

    Hi there,

    Yes I am feeling this way too. Funny thing is I am probably feeling it more than ever these days. I was (and still am I think) a pretty attractive person who never had any problems attracting the opposite sex. Have also have a couple of very close girlfriends. BUT have never really had a large circle of friends. I think fundamentally I am a shy person who has managed to cover my shyness up by being outgoing (if that makes any sense). I also think that I am a very genuine person who dislikes flakes. My problem is that perhaps I have a tendancy to only let certain people close to me, people that I feel I can trust.

    I am really grappling with why I only do have a few close friends. Do people see me as boring? Do people see me as stuck up (because I am shy)......

    Each day I ache because I wonder why people are'nt closer to me...why I am not invited out for coffee. And do people detect my low self esteem, and how do you raise your self esteem....

    I hear you......you are not alone. :-)

     
    Old 05-07-2009, 06:27 PM   #4
    MsInspiration
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    Re: Haveing never felt completely cool or accepted..

    Hi again,

    Also I just wonder if you reach a certain age, where you start to question life and the people around you. May I ask how old you are?

     
    Old 05-07-2009, 06:29 PM   #5
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    Re: Haveing never felt completely cool or accepted..

    Pendulum,

    I often quietly lurk and read your comments. You always offer a balanced view. I can totally relate to your age comments. I feel I have arrived at a place in my life where I want to less critical but also don't have time for people that do not have good intentions or good hearts. I find working out that balance hard.

     
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