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    Old 05-23-2009, 07:06 AM   #46
    mizz jj maree
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Just 2 top it all off now he's trying 2 suck up n get back 2 gether saying he'll do whatever it takes... mmm NO WAY! i not that silly, i feel sorry 4 whoever this poor girl is coz shes gonna cop hell thanks 4 your reply its much appreciated

     
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    Old 05-24-2009, 08:15 AM   #47
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    .

    And the flip side of that is the young women who married the older successful attorneys or doctors so they can have a husband who can afford to buy them the jewelry, shoes, handbags and fancy vacations they want. Then pop out a kid and divorce the guy for a younger, better looking man after being assured of a large amount of spousal and child support.

    .
    not all women are like this tho. i wouldnt like people out there thinking im with a guy 10 years older because i want his money when i divorce him. its funny, he still lives at home and im helping him with his debts so we can start saving for a house together.

     
    Old 05-24-2009, 04:10 PM   #48
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mizz jj maree View Post
    Just 2 top it all off now he's trying 2 suck up n get back 2 gether saying he'll do whatever it takes... mmm NO WAY! i not that silly, i feel sorry 4 whoever this poor girl is coz shes gonna cop hell thanks 4 your reply its much appreciated
    Good for you you're strong enough to not going back! Yes, stay single for a while, it's the best for you and your son.

     
    Old 05-24-2009, 04:45 PM   #49
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Not all guys handle breakups easier. When I left my ex, I felt no remorse because by the time I got around to leaving him, I felt absolutely no love toward him at all. I actually hated him. He, on the other hand, was totally content with the relationship because he felt he was doing nothing wrong, and he took it much harder, and went on to threaten suicide, threatened to kill the man I left him for as well as anyone who tried to get in the way, and told me how much he loved me and wanted me back for a year after we called it quits. In terms of finding new mates, we both moved on fairly quickly...after I think two weeks, he found a new girlfriend and I began dating my current BF immediately after I left my ex.

    It depends on the person, how they react to sadness and stress, and how much they have deluded themselves when it became clear the relationship was doomed. Gender has nothing to do with it; it is just ingrained into our heads that since women are expected to be the overly emotional clingy ones, that we should be more upset about breakups than the men.

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 02:15 PM   #50
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dark Stranger View Post
    Not all guys handle breakups easier. When I left my ex, I felt no remorse because by the time I got around to leaving him, I felt absolutely no love toward him at all. I actually hated him. He, on the other hand, was totally content with the relationship because he felt he was doing nothing wrong, and he took it much harder, and went on to threaten suicide, threatened to kill the man I left him for as well as anyone who tried to get in the way, and told me how much he loved me and wanted me back for a year after we called it quits. In terms of finding new mates, we both moved on fairly quickly...after I think two weeks, he found a new girlfriend and I began dating my current BF immediately after I left my ex.

    It depends on the person, how they react to sadness and stress, and how much they have deluded themselves when it became clear the relationship was doomed. Gender has nothing to do with it; it is just ingrained into our heads that since women are expected to be the overly emotional clingy ones, that we should be more upset about breakups than the men.
    Wow! That sounds like the thoughts and actions of a deep freeze killer robot, how come love turned to hate? Did your previous BF do something terrible to you? If not, I cant help thinking that you must put a shelf life on all new relations before booting the poor souls into the refuse sack once the sell by date comes into view. Doesnt sound good, I once knew someone like you and she suffered a traumatic break-up with her white knight in her teens. She has since become a hard unsympathetic man-eater, but she casts a sinister sad shadow and one with many dark nights!

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 02:23 PM   #51
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Well in my case the BBD really was a better deal. The guy I left lied, cheated, and had actually moved another woman into his condo...while lying to me that he was "working" all weekend on the weekends I didn't see him. Before he moved her in with him, he asked me to look at his text messages because he said his phone wasn't working right. I saw a text from her that said "Hey Sexy! Missed you last night. See you tonight!" He hemmed and hawed, then said she was trying to "grab on" to him. Turns out he moved her in a couple of weeks later. When he'd come see me, he told HER he was working all weekend out of town.

    So I moved on and dated someone else, and the cheater and liar cried to me over the phone and via e-mail that he LOVED me and missed me so much! I talked to him one time after that, and he let it slip that this other woman was living with him. Although he said she was his "roommate". He soon married her.

    So in my case, I think I was perfectly justified in feeling no remorse or sadness for leaving him. I found his ridiculous declaration of love amusing. He never said he loved me until I refused to sleep with him or see him anymore. Funny, isn't it?

    I'd say he got over our breakup pretty well since he had another woman living with him. And no, I don't feel bad at all. In my case, my feelings for him turned not to hate but to disgust and revulsion. Being lied to and cheated on tends to do that to a woman.

    Last edited by Redneon82; 05-25-2009 at 02:24 PM. Reason: spelling

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 02:31 PM   #52
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    Well in my case the BBD really was a better deal. The guy I left lied, cheated, and had actually moved another woman into his condo...while lying to me that he was "working" all weekend on the weekends I didn't see him. Before he moved her in with him, he asked me to look at his text messages because he said his phone wasn't working right. I saw a text from her that said "Hey Sexy! Missed you last night. See you tonight!" He hemmed and hawed, then said she was trying to "grab on" to him. Turns out he moved her in a couple of weeks later. When he'd come see me, he told HER he was working all weekend out of town.

    So I moved on and dated someone else, and the cheater and liar cried to me over the phone and via e-mail that he LOVED me and missed me so much! I talked to him one time after that, and he let it slip that this other woman was living with him. Although he said she was his "roommate". He soon married her.

    So in my case, I think I was perfectly justified in feeling no remorse or sadness for leaving him. I found his ridiculous declaration of love amusing. He never said he loved me until I refused to sleep with him or see him anymore. Funny, isn't it?

    I'd say he got over our breakup pretty well since he had another woman living with him. And no, I don't feel bad at all. In my case, my feelings for him turned not to hate but to disgust and revulsion. Being lied to and cheated on tends to do that to a woman.
    Why not leave before finding someone new? If this guy was as bad as you say then why leave for someone a BBD, why not just leave and be on your own?

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 03:20 PM   #53
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    What difference does that make? It's not like he deserved to be treated well after what he did to me.

    But if you must know, I did leave him before I started dating the next guy. He was just so busy trying to juggle me and the other woman that he didn't notice I'd stopped returning or answering his calls, and that I'd stopped calling him to ask when he was going to come see me. Seriously, it took him a good 3 weeks before he'd noticed I wasn't available to him anymore. One night I came home from a night out with my girlfriends to find him sleeping on my living room couch. I had the uncomfortable task of having to ask him to leave. Creepy...

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 03:44 PM   #54
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    What difference does that make? It's not like he deserved to be treated well after what he did to me.

    But if you must know, I did leave him before I started dating the next guy. He was just so busy trying to juggle me and the other woman that he didn't notice I'd stopped returning or answering his calls, and that I'd stopped calling him to ask when he was going to come see me. Seriously, it took him a good 3 weeks before he'd noticed I wasn't available to him anymore. One night I came home from a night out with my girlfriends to find him sleeping on my living room couch. I had the uncomfortable task of having to ask him to leave. Creepy...

    I was curious as to if you had left "for" someone or just left, not a must know. IMO it seems women rarely ever just leave without having the new man already lined up!

    He did'nt deserve anything if he treated you like that. Sounds like he just viewed you as a FWB,easy score ect..

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 04:57 PM   #55
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    This is how IMO most women feel once they find the BBD.
    I disagree. Of all of my relationships, I have NEVER broken up with a guy for a BBD. It has always been for cause. Either because he was being a jerk and I got tired of being treated that way, or because things just weren't working out and we just weren't compatible. But the two times when I was dumped by a bf, it was because HE was the one after the BBD. So I totally disagree with that. I've never dumped a bf for another guy, ever. It has ALWAYS been for cause.

     
    Old 05-25-2009, 05:13 PM   #56
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
    I disagree. Of all of my relationships, I have NEVER broken up with a guy for a BBD. It has always been for cause. Either because he was being a jerk and I got tired of being treated that way, or because things just weren't working out and we just weren't compatible. But the two times when I was dumped by a bf, it was because HE was the one after the BBD. So I totally disagree with that. I've never dumped a bf for another guy, ever. It has ALWAYS been for cause.
    this is what leads me to believe that for the most part, for men, break ups are more about bruised ego than broken heart, and hence why, generally speaking, they tend to get over it faster and better. When a man leaves a woman for another woman, it's not really for cause, it's just a vague, general "I was sick of her/wasn't feeling it anymore/it had run its course/I got bored" blah blah blah. There are exceptions to this of course, but even my brother, who, two years after a break up, is still heartbroken over it, but even though he is heartbroken, his ego also is playing a huge part in it as well. She moved on much faster and much easier, but I don't think she was ever really in love with my brother. Certainly not like my brother loved her.

    But these days it's hard to say whether any one gender does this or that or has it harder or easier than the other gender. It seems the rules are changing so fast, and balance of power is always shifting, things just aren't the same as they used to be. It just kind of sucks all the way around.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-25-2009 at 05:14 PM.

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 08:43 AM   #57
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    But these days it's hard to say whether any one gender does this or that or has it harder or easier than the other gender. It seems the rules are changing so fast, and balance of power is always shifting, things just aren't the same as they used to be. It just kind of sucks all the way around.
    Couldn't agree more. It seems that women are starting to do what men used to when they had all the power. Now that women have advantages in many things related to divorce, it's easier for them to move on too. For my part, even when I was the one that worked and had a future, and she was making things so hard for me for years, I was loyal till the last second. Guess that isn't a gender thing neither, either I loved her so much, or I just had so low self esteem.

    I think I'm moving to Afghanistan.

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 12:51 PM   #58
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
    I disagree. Of all of my relationships, I have NEVER broken up with a guy for a BBD. It has always been for cause. Either because he was being a jerk and I got tired of being treated that way, or because things just weren't working out and we just weren't compatible. But the two times when I was dumped by a bf, it was because HE was the one after the BBD. So I totally disagree with that. I've never dumped a bf for another guy, ever. It has ALWAYS been for cause.
    This makes you healthy IMO. It shows you have integrity and not a ship jumper. Unfortunately you are the exception to the rule from what I have observed and many guys I know relate to me. You see it here time after time women wants to leave boyfriend/ husband why? She already has someone in the on deck circle. Not saying men don't do this also but FME it is less likely and not for the reason of being with her but getting with her and other women I.E. freedom.

    The "I'm not like that" is a very standard response from women when this issue of BBD comes up. Although you may not be, we men are dating and having relationships with women and the evidence suggests this is commonplace behavior. Everyone can say anything is a cause. A buddy of mines wife left him after years because he "chew's funny" that was her cause but just? Who knows!

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 04:13 PM   #59
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emoprairiedog View Post
    Couldn't agree more. It seems that women are starting to do what men used to when they had all the power. Now that women have advantages in many things related to divorce, it's easier for them to move on too. For my part, even when I was the one that worked and had a future, and she was making things so hard for me for years, I was loyal till the last second. Guess that isn't a gender thing neither, either I loved her so much, or I just had so low self esteem.

    I think I'm moving to Afghanistan.
    Yes, I think part of it is that women are learning to love like men, to not get so invested, to not build your entire world around another person and when it gets old or someone hotter and younger comes along, then they have an easier time letting go sometimes. Statistically, men do remarry after a divorce far more often than women do, and much sooner. But the whole "bros before hoes" attitude that men have always had is getting more pervasive among women, "sistahs before mistahs" I guess you could call it! LOL Men have always been good at this, but women are getting good at it too, I think mainly in defense. I made the mistake of building my whole world around someone I thought I could trust to the end and I was wrong. I learned that it was a mistake, and a mistake I know I shouldn't repeat.

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 04:16 PM   #60
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    A buddy of mines wife left him after years because he "chew's funny" that was her cause but just? Who knows!

    I would take this with a grain of salt. This is just your friend's take, through his filter, and only his side of the story. It's also very very possible this woman never really loved him to begin with. There are women who will stay with the man they love even after he cheats on her, even after he beats her time and time again. My guess is this woman was never really in love to start with.

     
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