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  • Why do men handle break-ups better?

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    Old 05-26-2009, 06:28 PM   #61
    emoprairiedog
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    How exactly is breaking your marriage vows, turning away from your marriage and breaking your wife's trust and heart "keeping the family safe?"

    I can't even understand how a man can say he truly loves one woman and still sleep with another. I can't even wrap my mind around that.

    This just proves the point that's been made, that the whole "it's just sex" thing is easier for men than women.
    First, 'keeping the family safe' is not damaging your family for an affair. It's something like "OK, I can't help by being a screw up, but I won't destroy my family because of it".

    My ex is female, she had sex with another man during our relationship, the day after my birthday, the days I was taking care of our son of 3 y/o while she was out on a "concert", and so and so.

    When I found out, I offered her another chance, she said it was only about the sex, so I asked her to cut out the affair. She wasn't willing to do it. Neither for me, nor for our kid, not even for the "love" she said she felt for me.

    She even got pregnant, and it seems that the child was mine (I made mistakes when she was "confused"). She got an abortion at her lover's place.

    Now that a month has passed, she is trying to come back, she says she loves me, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She's surely realizing that she has no future with the other guy, I don't know, and anyway I'm not willing to go through that again, ever. At one moment she's all romantic, and the next she's threating to report me for domestic violence (!) if I don't go back to her. OK, so during these years I was so violent, and she wants to come back to that? Hmmm.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    Like you said, "keeping the family safe," like the family can only be safe with him, and no one can look after the family and provide for the family like him...
    That's not what I meant. I wish my ex would have thought of the consequences before screwing around. And even if that was impossible, I wish she would have thought of her kid and manage things differently. I'm not even saying she should have chosen me, I only say she should have thought about her kid a little more and managed things differently.
    She treated me like **** when I begged her to stay and to think about her kid. She said many things about her encounters that I'll never be able to forget (surely thinking that if she hurt me enough, I wouldn't be begging and disrupting her fun). When everything was so confusing for us, she was still meeting with the other guy at the same time.
    And now she wants me back! What I mean about 'keeping the family safe' is this: to make sure you think everything through and think about the damage you're about to do to your family if you decide to leave. You can make mistakes, but not involving your family in it is what really matters.

     
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    Old 05-26-2009, 08:33 PM   #62
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emoprairiedog View Post
    What I mean about 'keeping the family safe' is this: to make sure you think everything through and think about the damage you're about to do to your family if you decide to leave. You can make mistakes, but not involving your family in it is what really matters.
    Well, to keep on target with the original topic of the thread I'll focus on this part. And I think this kind of points to why women tend to think that men get over break ups so much more easily. You refer to an affair as "whoops, I made a mistake." I, and other women like me, don't see an affair as "whoopsie, I made a mistake!" We see it as "see honey, I don't really love you." which can very adversely involve and affect the family. I would divorce a man who cheated on me. That's a deal breaker. It's not a mistake to me, it's shouting from the rooftops, "I don't love you." We can't really fathom how a man can really love us yet sleep with another woman. To many of us, that's not really love. And that's why it seems to us that men just don't really love as deeply as women do. The woman you speak of, I can assure you, is NOT the typical, average woman so please please please PLEASE don't judge all women by what she did.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-26-2009 at 08:34 PM.

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 09:07 PM   #63
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

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    Originally Posted by source View Post
    Wow! That sounds like the thoughts and actions of a deep freeze killer robot, how come love turned to hate? Did your previous BF do something terrible to you? If not, I cant help thinking that you must put a shelf life on all new relations before booting the poor souls into the refuse sack once the sell by date comes into view. Doesnt sound good, I once knew someone like you and she suffered a traumatic break-up with her white knight in her teens. She has since become a hard unsympathetic man-eater, but she casts a sinister sad shadow and one with many dark nights!
    My ex was emotionally abusive, controlling and possessive. He could have been far worse, but he drove me crazy and tried to alienate me from my friends (most of whom are men). I did drop some subtle and some not subtle hints to him for months to try and signal that I did not want to be with him, but he didn't notice or did not want to notice. And I gave him a few chances to redeem himself because I really did want things to work, but then I realized he felt his behavior was just him being a loving boyfriend and I could not live with such behavior for the rest of my life.

    So no, I didn't just play games with an innocent man for kicks. I stayed with him longer than I should have because I believed him when he said he'd kill himself if I left him. Once he got over me, though, we became friends again and now we actually converse fairly often. He's a good friend, but was not a good significant other for me.

    Also, can someone tell me what BBD stands for?

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 09:29 AM   #64
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    Well, to keep on target with the original topic of the thread I'll focus on this part. And I think this kind of points to why women tend to think that men get over break ups so much more easily. You refer to an affair as "whoops, I made a mistake." I, and other women like me, don't see an affair as "whoopsie, I made a mistake!" We see it as "see honey, I don't really love you." which can very adversely involve and affect the family. I would divorce a man who cheated on me. That's a deal breaker. It's not a mistake to me, it's shouting from the rooftops, "I don't love you." We can't really fathom how a man can really love us yet sleep with another woman. To many of us, that's not really love. And that's why it seems to us that men just don't really love as deeply as women do. The woman you speak of, I can assure you, is NOT the typical, average woman so please please please PLEASE don't judge all women by what she did.
    Yes, let's keep on topic, I was just trying to make my point that it's not just the men that have sex with anyone that walks anymore. I don't think that an affair is 'whoops, I made a mistake', because one just doesn't find the first person on the streets and have sex with him/her.

    I just say, I doubt your generalizations about men. Mine could be a not typical case, but it seems that my case seems to be a trend lately. And will keep going on as women gain more power. For example, during some crisis on my country in that many men lost their jobs, we started to see many reports of women violence towards men at home.
    And the news reported this as a joke, police laughed at these men that went there for help.

    But even today, we have this notion that only men are the ones that inflict violence upon the family. Verbal abuse is considered violence only when it comes from a man. But I see women hitting and screaming at men all the time. Shouldn't this work both ways?

    I just say, stop generalizing, cause men aren't inherently evil. On the same position you women will do everything you consider evil from us men.

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 04:21 PM   #65
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emoprairiedog View Post
    I just say, stop generalizing, cause men aren't inherently evil.
    LOL, no I never said all men are inherently evil. But there must be a reason why most of the women on this board feel that men just don't love as deeply or as honestly as women. We, after all, are the ones who are actually dating these men and being on the receiving end of the coldness and the silence once they've finished with us and disappeared off the face of the earth and jump into bed with the next chickie without a care in the world while we're still crying and spilling our hearts out to our friends and analysing ad nauseum what went wrong, and can't even think about dating another man, when the simple answer most of the time is, he just wasn't that into us. He just didn't love us as much or as deeply as we loved him. Heck, there's even an entire book about how men don't love the same way women do. Written by a man, I might add.

     
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