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  • Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

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    Old 05-26-2009, 09:40 PM   #1
    MizzMary Alfred
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    Unhappy Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months. In the beginning I was his everything. He would call me while he was at work on every break and he wanted to see me every second of the day. After a little while I started to realize that he had issues with opening up to other people. He knew everything about me, but he was like a stranger to me because he wouldn't open up. He would get jealous because he felt as if my relationship with my best friend was stronger. I didn't understand why he would get mad about that because 1.) I had known my best friend longer and 2.) My best friend and I know EVERYTHING about each other so of course we're going to be closer. After about 5 months he became distant. From month 5-8 the relationship was a struggle. I felt the emotional distance, but I was the only one trying to fix things. I got tired of having a lop-sided relationship so I broke up with him. After that... we said we would be "friends." He never called... he never texted to check-up on me... I felt as if he just all of a sudden stopped liking me. Everytime I talked to him about it he would always tell me he was busy or he forgot. Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up completely dropping you? What type of relationship do they really want from you?

     
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    Old 05-27-2009, 04:02 AM   #2
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    When I guy says that he wants to be friends, it may be that he wants to somehow keep the physical side of the relationship going. This happens alot more than you think. I've been there before. What I thought was a relationship as friends really turned into a prolonging of the relationship we said we had broken off..

    I don't know if this is the situation with you guys, but from a guys perspective it is a possibility that it was what he was trying to do. The only other possibility was that he was trying to let you off in an easier way, because he may have been worried about how you were going to take it. This "friends" thing may have given him some extra assurance that you would be okay. Once he saw that you would, he disappeared.

    From your post, it sounds like he was kind of hoping this would happen anyway. If you dropped him, do you really expect him to be available and be the person that you expect him to be? Sounds like he had some problems of his own. I don't really think it had anything to do with your best friend, other than the fact that he may have gotten a little jealous when you spent time with or associated with her. That is understandable, but IMO he really needs to grow up. He sounds kind of needy.

    Not trying to give advice here, but you would probably be best to just move on.

    Last edited by 99Z51; 05-27-2009 at 04:03 AM.

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 05:04 AM   #3
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    Personally I have no idea why people always insist on trying to continue some "friendship" relationship with someone they used to date? He probably now has another girl he's dating and has moved on. I think that people say they want to continue to be friends because it just seems like the right thing to say at the time but is impractical!
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    Old 05-27-2009, 05:54 AM   #4
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    There could be many reasons why this guy stopped contact or has pulled back. But basically, it sounds like he has a lot of issues, so I don't think you're really missing out on anything here. This guy couldn't open up when he was your lover, and he's not going to be any better at opening up now that you've broken up with him. You said yourself your best friend is your best friend in part because you know everything about each other. You'll never have that with this guy. He probably just told you that to make himself feel better, maybe keep the door open for some "friends with benefits" sex, but he's not interested in getting to know you as a person, never will be. No big loss. Move on.

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 07:35 AM   #5
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    he meant friends as opposed to enemies.....

    he didn't mean friends as opposed to aquaintances.....

    there's a big difference

    read that a few times, let it sink in.....

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 07:52 AM   #6
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    he meant friends as opposed to enemies.....

    he didn't mean friends as opposed to aquaintances.....

    there's a big difference

    read that a few times, let it sink in.....
    Yep...she's exactly right...didn't think of it that way!
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    Old 05-27-2009, 01:20 PM   #7
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    I think alot of guys (and women) say this because they feel it's letting the other person down a bit more easily. Instead of walking out the door forever, they say they want to be friends. You may never see them again but it makes the break "sound" easier.

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 02:10 PM   #8
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    Re: Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up dropping you?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MizzMary Alfred View Post
    My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months. In the beginning I was his everything. He would call me while he was at work on every break and he wanted to see me every second of the day. After a little while I started to realize that he had issues with opening up to other people. He knew everything about me, but he was like a stranger to me because he wouldn't open up. He would get jealous because he felt as if my relationship with my best friend was stronger. I didn't understand why he would get mad about that because 1.) I had known my best friend longer and 2.) My best friend and I know EVERYTHING about each other so of course we're going to be closer. After about 5 months he became distant. From month 5-8 the relationship was a struggle. I felt the emotional distance, but I was the only one trying to fix things. I got tired of having a lop-sided relationship so I broke up with him. After that... we said we would be "friends." He never called... he never texted to check-up on me... I felt as if he just all of a sudden stopped liking me. Everytime I talked to him about it he would always tell me he was busy or he forgot. Why do men say they want to be friends after a break-up, but end up completely dropping you? What type of relationship do they really want from you?

    He just said this to attempt to be nice and sidestep the breakup IMO. 99.9 % of couples cannot be friends after a breakup. The only time I seen it happen succussfully is when BOTH parties have not invested much or are not attracted to eachother.

    Men don't open up IMO because women are turned off by male emotion, may cause you to lose attraction, didn't want to get too attached. He may of wanted to be mysterious since many women are attracted to this rather then an open book, emotional sissy boy.

    Let me guess your best friend is a dude? If so I can't blame him if that bothered him it would bother many men. Would you like it if a future SO had a best female friend that he confided in first, spent large amounts of time with, discussed your relationship ect.. ? IMO a SO should be your best friend!

    Your an ex who left him why should he care what your doing, how your doing or how you feel? He probably stopped liking you well before this, I would say when he became distant. He doesn't want anything from you his actions have made that clear what don't you see?

     
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