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How to get over someone who you were never with!

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Old 06-01-2009, 09:05 AM   #1
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alwaysonmymind HB User
How to get over someone who you were never with!

Last year I started seeing a girl at work and we got on had a laugh but I never thought it would go anywhere (especially since I had just come out of a relationship)

We agreed to be friends, mainly as she was after a relationship and I wasn't, which suprised me because she beat me to saying that but after we agreed that we still got on well and even had the occassional kiss.

Anyway she started seeing a new guy at work which totally made me feel weird. I felt sick to the core and I didn't know why. Obviously I liked her a lot more than I thought I did. We still talked and she even bad mouth him quite a lot and pretty much said she was with him becuase she would get lonely beside herself. The other guy has cheated on her and they have split up twice but have moved in together - this has been in the last 6 months.

These days I distanced myself from her because I knew it wasn't healthy and plus she wasn't as responsivess as much. But I just can't stop thinking about her - my heart sinks when I see her and I checked her social network profile regulary. I feel really stupid and think the fact that she works in the same building as me is a big impact. I've met a few girls since her but I keep comparing them to her and I find it hard to look past her as I think she is pretty, great figure and really funny - the bad points I tell myself that everyone has them.

I just kinda feel like I want her to do something really bad so I can pin everything on that and forget about her but I am finding myself really struggling to get over her especially when I knew that I could have had a relationship with her. Its affecting my future and I want to do something about it but what can I do when in this day and age you have electronic reminders i.e. social network and also see her at work - she has no idea how I feel by the way as when I do interact with her I'm quite cool (in the pathetic attempt that she might text me or something asking if I'm ok).

I feel like I just want to sit her down and get some kind of resolution as I never really had that with her! Any advice?

Last edited by alwaysonmymind; 06-01-2009 at 09:07 AM. Reason: explaining stars

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Old 06-01-2009, 11:42 AM   #2
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Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

Since she is already living with the other guy, getting a resolution at this point is somewhat difficult and untimely, if I may say so. If you talk to her about your feelings, she may then tell the news to her boyfriend and both of you may find yourselves in trouble. But who knows? If you were able to approach her in a non-invasive/intrusive/threatening way, with a lot of tact, etc, you should be able to tell her about your feelings, stressing that you know you can't hope for anything from her. You just want to vent. This is viable, but the problem is how to begin it.

But wait a moment: do you really want a girl who badmouths her current boyfriend and stays with him nevertheless? Don't you think you deserve someone better? She could do the same with you, mind you.

Last edited by pendulum; 06-01-2009 at 11:45 AM.

Old 06-02-2009, 01:44 AM   #3
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alwaysonmymind HB User
Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

Yeah Im really past the stage now where I want to be with her as knowing me after a few months and past the honeymoon stage her bad habits would get to me.

What I'm really after is getting this girl out of my head!

Old 06-03-2009, 03:35 PM   #4
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Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

I can kind of relate to this but my situation was much more complex. I've posted about it before. I fell hard for someone I worked with who was married. I never took it to the next level for those reasons..but I'll admit we became closer than we should have. I walked compeltely away from him and I've never heard back. I had to because the guilt of just having those feelings was eating me up. But I think about him still..a lot. And at times I don't even know why. Here is a man who was clearly deceving his wife and I was playing the game by flirting back with him. I just could not help myself. I know I did the right thing by walking away..the last time I saw him we were talking of meeting up..but I never contacted him. He never has either.

I have no idea why this person has taken up so much space in my head..I clearly tried to stay away from him but admit there were times when I couldn't. A part of me is mad at myself for being so stupid and mad at him for taking advantage of me for his own selfish reasons. I think time is the only way to let things get better...

The problem for me is I still wonder what he truly thought of me and am bugged that I'll never get that answer..and wonder why I care about someone who does this to his own wife. It's a strange thing what the heart wants..for no real suitable reason.

Old 06-04-2009, 02:10 AM   #5
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alwaysonmymind HB User
Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

Hi Laye

I really appreacite your reply and totally understand where you come from. I think it would be a lot easier if I didnt see this person most days. There are times as well outside of work where I will hear a song or think of something and feel anquish or a kick in the stomach about it. It's such a horrible feeling as the resolution never seems to be there and you can only imagine.

There is a works do coming up and they will be there with said partner and I actually hate it but I know if I don't go my mind will create images more worse than if I did go. At work I purposely dress up really well at times in things I know she has said she really likes just so I can maybe get her thinking "Yeah he looks good today" or anything like that. I feel such an idiot!

Old 06-07-2009, 07:17 PM   #6
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Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

I'm in a bit of the same situation, only my crush is single and I am already with someone. And I know I'd definitely get jealous and distant if Crush began dating (but he doesn't know how I feel). I love my boyfriend, but there are times I feel the thought fleeting into my head that being in a relationship has prevented me from pursuing one with Crush. But he and I have become good friends and being allowed to get slightly close helps alleviate the feelings a bit (like playing with each others' hair). For others, though, this might be more of a tease than anything; personally, having a friendship in which I can be close like I am without intimacy makes me more relaxed and more platonic around my friend.

Anyway...if you two are good friends and you feel she is someone you can talk to, I don't think there'd be too much harm in telling her how you feel. Explain that you don't want anything to come of what you say (even if you do), but you wanted to get this off your chest. If she's a decent friend, she will understand. And hey, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get your crush to notice you a little. My friend is a bit of a game nerd and sometimes I will choose a game-related shirt to wear when I go visit with him.

It's never easy to get rid of a crush. I hope you may find a resolution for your situation soon.

Old 06-09-2009, 03:59 PM   #7
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alwaysonmymind HB User
Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

So do I but its been like a year.

Just i get pangs of times when i think of her with others. Especially with this jerk of a guy who i found out had slept with her not too long after I had. I'm stupid and know it.

Old 06-10-2009, 11:05 PM   #8
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rollerskates HB User
Re: How to get over someone who you were never with!

Well, I have to say if you know it's stupid, you have to stop dwelling on it. You can't control who she goes out with, only how you act and think. Why don't you try doing things you enjoy or learn something new. You might be surprised how you could use your emotions about how you feel about her and turn it into something constructive like, 'grr, she's a fool for being with that jerk!', then work on yourself and she'll see what she's missing and might see that he's a jerk! And if she doesn't (but she most likely eventually will), oh well, you'll be a better man. And don't be her shoulder to cry on when she wants to ***** about him, remain neutral in your response so she doesn't bring him up and you don't have to think about him. Maybe even get really into your work, and other things in your life will start moving forward too. If all else fails, I guess you could quit as a last resort, there's heaps of jobs out there. Just remember you have choices and you're never really stuck in a situation, you know the old saying this too shall pass. Just think about all the other girls you might have liked in the past and you got over. Good luck

Last edited by rollerskates; 06-10-2009 at 11:06 PM.

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