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  • Am i jealous to husband's exs?

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    Old 07-06-2009, 08:52 AM   #16
    Mary83
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    I haven't read all the replies, so I don't know if someone has said this or if it's been discussed, but it sounds to me like maybe your husband has some issues with you that you don't know about (or maybe you do know about them). But there has to be some reason that his ex feels you are so bad for him. And my guess is that he somewhat feels the same way because he continues to let her talk like that. I'm wondering if he didn't feel the same way, he would be defending you and telling her she doesn't understand your relationship, etc. But, it sounds like he's allowing her to say these things and almost encouraging her to say them.

    However, I don't think she has any right to say such things, but I think it's your husband's responsibility to stop it. It doesn't sound like he's doing much to stop it, which is disrespectful to you and your marriage.

     
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    Old 07-06-2009, 09:41 AM   #17
    genieindabottle
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jana83 View Post
    Yes, I agree about the part about destroying the trust IF one of the partners explicitly asks the other not to do that. However, talking to your best friend(s) about any relationship problems may be very beneficial for the relationship. For one, good friends who know you well will offer you great insight and those that live in a healthy relationship themselves, will be able to give you great advice on how to solve any problems or on how to accept your partner's differences. (None of which, however, seems to apply in your case, though).

    Yes, your partner comes first in life, but you also need friends. Anything can happen, the two of you can break up or one of you dies etc. and then you need a support network to be there for you. Also, in case of a bigger crisis, you need someone to lean on occasionally for emotional support. I'm happy you found such a person in his sister. I think you can safely trust her that she knows him well, especially since they seem to be really close.

    Genieindabottle, there are a lot of negative things you could do about this (spying, distrusting, complaining), but there are also some positive things you could do: taking care of yourself, working on your self-confidence, occupying yourself with something which doesn't involve your husband, finding ways to grow spiritually and as a person.

    Basically there are two people you can focus on in this thing: your husband and you. Over the first, your influence is very limited. You can't change him, you can't force him to see your point, you can't make him do anything if he doesn't want to. Over yourself, however, you have all the power. You can change, you can work on your understanding and compassion and on how to be happy. And once you change, he is very likely to change of his own accord too.
    Thank you.
    Yes, I agree that a good friend can offer valueable suggestions when u need some in a hard time. But this really doesn't apply to my case. That one who wants him to be her bff, like a wind talker who has a big mouth, nothing valuealbe or could benifit anything, neither him nor our relation, just something like go escape,dump her or something can be from that bi***.

    About his sister, pls read the one I post last night. She's no longer someone for me can trust. She said she'll get him a good woman and encourage him to "dump her" now. But he told me he doesn't wanna change, he's tired of looking.

    Yes, there are a lot of things I wanna do and I love, but for now I just simply can't. I was a ballroom and professional latin dancing dancer before,but now I can't dance cause he needs me to stay here all the time as he is running a home-based business. And him, is working on another house opeing the same business in another place. So i'm his back-up now. I just moved here since we got married. So I work, live in this place all the time.

     
    Old 07-06-2009, 11:00 AM   #18
    Larrylou'smom
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by genieindabottle View Post
    Thank you.

    About his sister, pls read the one I post last night. She's no longer someone for me can trust. She said she'll get him a good woman and encourage him to "dump her" now. But he told me he doesn't wanna change, he's tired of looking.

    Yes, there are a lot of things I wanna do and I love, but for now I just simply can't. I was a ballroom and professional latin dancing dancer before,but now I can't dance cause he needs me to stay here all the time as he is running a home-based business. And him, is working on another house opeing the same business in another place. So i'm his back-up now. I just moved here since we got married. So I work, live in this place all the time.
    So you're sacrificing your whole life, living your whole life for him, staying in the house all the time because that's what he wants you to do, when he deliberately has surrounded himself with people who trash talk you, call you horrible names and tell him to leave you. And the only reason he offers up as to why he doesn't take their advice is NOT because he loves you, NOT because he knows they're wrong, NOT because they don't understand, but merely that he's TIRED OF LOOKING? Ok. What you MUST ask yourself is, what if he gets a second wind one day and feels like looking again, and instead becomes tired of settling for a woman he obviously doesn't really want and who everyone in his life wants him to leave anyway? You MUST prepare for that day, because I'd be willing to bet a year's pay, that day is coming. If the only thing holding him to you is not love, is not respect, is not commitment, but only that he got tired of looking, that's not something I would hang my hat on.

     
    Old 07-07-2009, 06:29 AM   #19
    genieindabottle
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Ok, now I decide what to do.

    I'll not say anything any more to him, even something makes me feel uncomfortable.

    I don't know whether that is the way that everybody calls TRUST.

    Last night he told me as long as not having sex with others, it's not cheating. I asked if that's the only case in his mind that is cheating on the other. He said or what else it can be? Or making plans to have sex with others.

    So now I'll not say anything any more, no matter he talk to any of his exs about anything or us, use the web cam to see and talk to each other on the computer, etc. As long as he doesn't do anything that the way he calls cheating, i'll keep silence. He wants me to be nice, so i think in that way it'll be easier for both of us. I told him that's the way I would rebuilt my trust on him, and don't abuse my trust, hopefully,don't hurt me, cause I love u.

    Meanwhile, I'll go register a dancing class, go find some friends, of couse some male friends,too.

    No worse than divorce, he thinks he's wealthy, there are the ones wished him were there with her, someone needs him, someone's shoulder's always there; I'm much younger and I'm not ugly, it'll not be that difficult for either of us to find another one to keeps the life going on.

    What do u guys think about this?

     
    Old 07-07-2009, 10:09 AM   #20
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by genieindabottle View Post
    No worse than divorce, he thinks he's wealthy, there are the ones wished him were there with her, someone needs him, someone's shoulder's always there; I'm much younger and I'm not ugly, it'll not be that difficult for either of us to find another one to keeps the life going on.

    What do u guys think about this?
    I don't really understand this part of your post, but it seems the gist of your post is that you are not going to discuss the matter any further with your husband and decide to "trust" him. But from what I can gather, the main problem here is not that he may be cheating on you, so trust is not really that much of a factor as far as I can see. It's a matter of respect. Your husband is griping about you to these other people instead of discussing your marital problems with you, which is what he should be doing. He's letting these other people bad mouth you and talk you down, and there's a reason why he's listening to them. I don't think it will be very long before he starts thinking about taking his advice.

    I think it's good to get out and get hobbies, but I think you should really fingue out a way to make an income on your own, separate and apart from your husband's business. It really sounds like he's very unhappy with you, and the fact that he's talking to these women about it instead of you suggests that he thinks the situation is too far gone to fix. It sort of sounds to me like he's working up the courage to leave. I hope that's not the case, but that really is kind of what it sounds like. You need to be prepared. What would you do if he turns to you one day and says "honey, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm leaving you,"?

     
    Old 07-07-2009, 01:55 PM   #21
    genieindabottle
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    Unhappy Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Thank you all for ur attention here and ur help. I really appreciate it.
    To Larrylou’smom,
    Thank you.
    The part u said were not understand, was mostly saying our complicated marriage.
    I’m clear and understand for the reminding from everyone to let me be prepared for the day we separate. So I said no worse that the result of divorce. That’s certainly not what I want, I don’t want to divorce once I got married. But to him, I know he doesn’t want one, at least for now, cause we are new married, he said he loves me, he likes making love to me, but not sure in the future. He said I’m jealous, insecure, immature, and he’ll not play this childish game with me. So I’m not sure how far we can go. Whenever I ask him do u love me? He’ll say of course, or I’d not marry u. He said I was the first one and the only one that he took to see rings, ever thought about getting married and having children. He loves me, I know it too, and he knows I’d do things to please him. But I just don’t understand why he is still keeping in touch with other women, like what’s the point? I just knew that he would go meet another woman tomorrow. That’s a woman he listed in the Fine Women catalog on his aim list. I don’t know what’s the necessity to go meet another woman or keep in touch with those exs even they have a bad mouth while saying loves me.
    I asked him would he go meet other girls without letting me know? He said he doesn’t have to , it doesn’t matter with who he meets who he calls or who he talks with or texts, just like none of my business. What can I say whenever he says it’s none of my business? Isn’t that my business when he talks about me and our arguments? Isn’t that my business if my husband goes to someone else? Or just have this kinda possibility? He said I’m very jealous so he would not tell me or let me know anything. I said I might be more suspicious if I found out afterwards. He said u are very jealous now, and no worse than this, either way u’ll be upset, so he’ll not say anything.
    About us, we are 25 years apart, we knew each other since Jan and got married in Apr. Not all because we wanted to get married but kind of we had to. But he wouldn’t if he really didn’t want to do that. He runs his own business for a long time, so he thinks he’s a successful man and wealthy and talent and everything. So it’ll not difficult for him to find someone else. There are always gold diggers waiting for someone like this to take advantage of each other and satisfied themselves on their own purpose. Comparing with him, I’m younger, and I’m not that beautiful but not ugly either, so even if we separate, I don’t think I’ll have any problem to find someone else. So I say life will go on even without him, but just I don’t want to yet. I love him not for his money, business or anything, I just love him for himself. But I didn’t know he has that side. He didn’t know me I would be like this, no longer that nice and happy fun girl.
    But now, I’ll try to be myself again. I’m working on all the things that everybody helps me and suggests me to do. I wanna be independent, I wanna go to work, earn my money and everything. BTW, I don’t want his money cause I think it’s a wife’s obligation to help my husband, we should together as one, so I don’t get pay from him. He covers most of my Spence, even I don’t feel comfortable with that. So even we went to a mall I’ll not buy anything even I like them. I don’t want to spend his money. And since I have been with him, he has never taken me to any outlets, malls to buy anything, I used to go shopping almost every week before, he only bought me some funny shirts from walmart or cheap places. I can understand him that he needs to gather all the money he could gather to buy the other house, and I volunteered to lend him all the money I had. That’s all the money I earned last year which was the first year I started to work. That’s another reason why he covers me, cause I have no money now.
    I know I’ve written too long and everything seems confused and unclear, but that’s what like in my mind now. Confusing and helpless. He’s not fair to me and not worth what I’ve done or how much I’ve loved him I think, it’s me that deserve much better maybe. Anybody can read this all?

    Last edited by genieindabottle; 07-07-2009 at 01:55 PM.

     
    Old 07-07-2009, 02:44 PM   #22
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Why did you "kind of have to" get married?

    This may be key to your issues.

     
    Old 07-08-2009, 04:15 PM   #23
    jana83
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Marriage can be difficult, especially since you haven't know each other for very long. The age difference can also be quite a hurdle to overcome, but it's not impossible (I lived with a guy 18 years older than me for two years).

    You haven't said how old he is, but since he's 25 years older than you, I assume he's nearing 50 or so. At this age most men begin to be afraid they'll lose their virility, their sex appeal and it can be like a second puberty. Most of them will seek attention from (other) women, just to prove to themselves that they're still "men". Although that doesn't mean they'll cheat. Not necessarily, especially since your relationship is still fresh and exciting. And mybe he's just going through a phase and will come out of it soon.

    His saying that you're immature and childish may be just him trying to cover up the belief that he's getting old. I'm also wondering, before you, did he have any long-lasting relationships? Did he live with anyone else? Because people who had been living alone for a longer period of time will usually have a harder time of adapting to another person. When on their own, they have their own routine, nobody is interfering with their life and they don't have to explain anything to anyone. Once they find a partner or marry, this changes and it can be quite a shock.

    I think it's good that you're aware of the possibility of divorce and that you feel life after a divorce wouldn't be so bad for either of you. I think it's also good that you're prepared to give your marriage a shot. And it's great that you're ready to work on yourself, get a job (maybe as a dance instructor?) and start doing the things you love again. If you can manage to trust him that he won't do anything sexual with another woman and if that satisfies you, by all means I wish you luck and that everything works out well.

     
    Old 07-08-2009, 08:50 PM   #24
    genieindabottle
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    To Jana83, thank you very much for ur words. It gave me kinda power from the heart. I'm an emotional person, and I appreciate ur intelligent and everything.
    I didn't espect the marriage can be this hard. That's what I thought to comfort myself,too, like we knew each other not for long, 25 years gap,etc. Sometimes I even think about our zodiac signs, we both Leo, how can we get along??

    You haven't said how old he is, but since he's 25 years older than you, I assume he's nearing 50 or so. At this age most men begin to be afraid they'll lose their virility, their sex appeal and it can be like a second puberty. Most of them will seek attention from (other) women, just to prove to themselves that they're still "men". Although that doesn't mean they'll cheat. Not necessarily, especially since your relationship is still fresh and exciting. And mybe he's just going through a phase and will come out of it soon.
    Yes, he is near his 50s, we both will have our birthdays at the end of this month. He'll be 46 and i'll be 21. He is confident in himself I think, but also I could read his falsity,even though he'll never admit. He looks younger more or less, cause he's in a good shape and looks young on face too. He always say he's always young, always 25 etc. But I don't think he said i'm immature is for covering his fear of old. He said i'm immature cause he always say I'm very jealous,I have massive mood swings, I'm vrey insecured etc. He had 3 long term relations, 3 5-year-old relations, the last one finished in 2002 or 03 I think, they lived together until he found that one cheated on him and he threw all her stuff out the garage and let her pick up. After that he had a lot of girls, i'm sure some of them just for sex. He said there were only 3 or 4 women in his life he'd ever real loved, I was one of them. I thought about he's used to be alone with himself too, but I wish he could give me more consideration and a lot of times, I don't think he care for me. Maybe he is too "old" to understand what a lil girl thinks or wants, on the contrary, I was a daddy's lil girl, i used to have a lot of attention, and my ex boyfriend was a Cancer, he loved me very much, cared about me a lot, listened to me and respected me, like if I don't want him to do something, he'll not do it for me to make me happy. I think that's what my nowadays husband said, "u are trying to control." But I really don't think one should keep in touch with someone when the other one is against a lot, it's like he is not on the same side with you, instead on the opposite side against u, and made me feel others are all more important than me.

    I could say if anything happen, it can't be worse than a divorce and it would be not that bad. But deeply in the heart, I can't accept it and not prepared yet. Cause I don't want to go to that last step. He asked me whether I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, i said yes, and he asked U promise? And once i didn't answer cause I thought action speaks louder than words, if all the promise obeyed, how come there are so many people got divorced? But he was kinda pushing me and leading me to follow him say I promise I'll stay with u forever, i'll do anything to make it work. That happened when we made love though. I often think that could only happen when we had sex, cause he likes our sexual life very much, and it's kinda excitment for him to see I'm obsessed.

    On one hand he said he loves me very much,that's why he married me, otherwise he'd not marry me, I'm so special to him, of course he wants to spend rest of his life with, etc. But on the other hand, at the back of me, I found out what he said to the girl he dated right before me, as we just got leagally married but not the wedding yet, he didn't tell anybody he's married beside his sister, even doesn't like to mention about he's engaged, especially to the girls. Anyway he said to that girl,"you weren't marrying her because of the different religious beliefs & massive mood swings, just needed time to get out of the mess you were in". It was said 2 weeks ago, by that time we might have another arguement, but he was constantly saying I love u those things too. So I don't really know which side i could trust. Maybe he can't let me go yet just because he doesn't have the money to pay me back yet. That's all he gonna bear me for now. Once he pays me back, I don't know there's any other reason for him to keep me, cause I think what he said to that woman is what really going on in his mind. I believe that's his true thoughts. Meanwhile, even tell myself to be prepared, but still keep a flash of hope of luck...

    That woman, she IS still interested in him, wanted to come back to him, I think he knows that clearly. But he is saying loving me by his full heart while stabbing me on the back with another woman shows him apparent interests.
    How can I belive or even trust him?

    But today, I go back off that woman myself, even by an ignoble method, I pretend to be him talking with that woman and told her "I" love her very much, told her the truth we are married and it's impossible for her to come back to "me", "we" were not serious but she is "my" real deal. That absolutely hurt that woman, she was at a loss of words and got mad. I didn't care of course, but how poor I am that those words were told by me PRETENDING being him, instead of himself. How much I wish it's him told her himself. I'm even afraid that he will be ****** off for letting him loosing that girl(friend) and choose to leave me, also because I "went through" his private thing (his live talking software). I know he'll be very angry at that, (he doen't know I know his passcode) about "violating his privacy". But what else can i do if he doesn't go back off them, I have to guard my love myself, how much I hope he'll agree what I said to that woman that "I'm his real deal, the girl he really wants, if she's gone, omg..."

    I'm so poor but so hateful, an't I?

     
    Old 07-09-2009, 10:39 AM   #25
    Larrylou'smom
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    So, let me see if I have this right...

    Your husband had a woman that he flirted with online and with text messaging, etc. And he had told her that he was not going to marry you because of the age difference, difference in religions, your mood swings and jealousy, etc. And it seems she was still wanting him and just biding her time until he kicked you to the curb. So you went behind your husband's back, used his codes to go online as him, and contacted this woman pretending to be your husband and telling her that he did in fact marry you, and that you were his real love, and she got upset. What exactly did she say? If she's been waiting this long for him to dump you and come back to her, I doubt she will go away with just one email. It's probably only a matter of time before she contacts him directly to further discuss this email and when he realizes what you've done, yes, the stuff is really going to hit the fan.

    But I don't think that's your real problem. Doesn't it strike you as, well, odd to say the least, that you have to sneak around and pretend to be your husband in order to chase off his other women? His love is not a possession of yours to be guarded from interlopers. It's something he either gives to you or he doesn't. If you have to go behind his back to chase off his other women, then there is something seriously SERIOUSLY wrong with your marriage, and it doesn't have to do with this other woman. It has to do with your husband and how he treats you. What are you going to do, spend your whole marriage sneaking around behind his back chasing off all the women he messes around with? Here's a question you really need to ask yourself - why don't you want a man you don't HAVE to play these games with? Why don't you want a man who loves you and only you and who is honest and faithful and who is proud to be your husband and who will shout it from the rooftops that he loves you and that you're his? A man who is loyal and who thinks the world of you, who doesn't think you're immature, who doesn't bad mouth you behind your back to other women, a man who doesn't have other women for you TO chase off? Why don't you want that? Because you sure don't have it now.

     
    Old 07-09-2009, 11:17 AM   #26
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    I think when he finds out you pretended to be him and hurt that other girl's feelings, he's going to flip his lid. I mean he has already exhibited anger management issues, I'm afraid of what he may do to you when he finds out. Have you even thought about that? Aren't you afraid of what he might do to you?

    If I were you I'd hustle with getting your personal effects in order and just get out. He doesn't love you, what's the point of staying in a marriage with a man who is emotionally cheating on you and then turning it around on you that you're the problem even though he is the one with multiple girlfriends behind your back!

    You're still young, it would be in your best interest to get out of this marrige as soon as possible to ensure you have enough time to meet the RIGHT man for you. Your current husband isn't it! I don't see any reason to continue this farce of a marriage because you're the only one taking it seriously. He is not, instead he is doing everything a single guy would do and unless you make a huge effort to get away, he will keep right on doing what he's doing behind your back with whomever and whenever.

    The bottom line is that because he doesn't care about your feelings, that makes him a lousy husband and not worth staying with. Do what you need to do to get out of there! It will only get worse if you wait!

     
    Old 07-09-2009, 01:44 PM   #27
    genieindabottle
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    To Larrylou’smom and Kszan, Thank you both a lot.
    Most of what both you’ve said I’ve thought about it or I was aware of that already.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    But I don't think that's your real problem. Doesn't it strike you as, well, odd to say the least, that you have to sneak around and pretend to be your husband in order to chase off his other women? His love is not a possession of yours to be guarded from interlopers. It's something he either gives to you or he doesn't. If you have to go behind his back to chase off his other women, then there is something seriously SERIOUSLY wrong with your marriage, and it doesn't have to do with this other woman. It has to do with your husband and how he treats you. What are you going to do, spend your whole marriage sneaking around behind his back chasing off all the women he messes around with? Here's a question you really need to ask yourself - why don't you want a man you don't HAVE to play these games with? Why don't you want a man who loves you and only you and who is honest and faithful and who is proud to be your husband and who will shout it from the rooftops that he loves you and that you're his? A man who is loyal and who thinks the world of you, who doesn't think you're immature, who doesn't bad mouth you behind your back to other women, a man who doesn't have other women for you TO chase off? Why don't you want that? Because you sure don't have it now.
    That woman was the one my husband dated right before he knew me. I don’t think they were serious but not sure whether he still has interests in her or how much interest he still have for her now. That woman lives in another state, she told him she has a boyfriend now but mostly is for that guy’s money. Cause being with that guy could benefit her and let her make money from that guy. They had sex. But that is a bit**, she f*** with everybody. She told “him” when actually was me talking with her yesterday that she would have a guest and she would entertain him by her tongue. Also she wanted to learn something and donkey came in her mind… I don’t think but not sure, let’s just say I don’t believe my husband would be serious with a woman like that. Last time I found him using the web cam talking with her, he said that’s the future, it’s nothing to do with whom it is. People will see each other while talking through the phone,too. I didn’t know what to say but just felt that’s so ridiculous. He said he also introduced her to another friend (the one I know) to make some money. And after that, as usual, he was fed up and said I’m too jealous and all those stuff. In his mind, money is the most important thing, but in mine, love, happiness, health etc. is the most important thing. He said I’m too young and too stupid know how much important the money is. That’s what he calls me immature I guess. I’m not sure whether he had flirted with her after we had married, but I’m sure he hadn’t when he just knew me cause he was very attracted by me and loved me a lot. But since we had arguments and problems poped up, I will not be surprised if he turned around back to his ex, especially the latest one before me. Your husband had a woman that he flirted with online and with text messaging, etc. That woman told him clearly why she’s with that guy, I think she wanted to show her real heart to my husband, and she said subconsciously she was thinking about my husband when she was with her current boyfriend wearing a shirt my husband got her before. But my husband did tell her those thing: not marrying me, different religion beliefs, massive mood swings, just need time to get out of the mess he was in. I don’t know whether that’s him implying her something like she still have a chance or something. She WAS planning to come back to him, here is the conversation WE had. Before that when I told her that “I” love me very much, real deal etc. I left for a while and saw she changed her online status to ”(her name) is at a loss of words…” Could tell she was hurt at least disappointed and upset.
    I(1): i've never thought about leting her go once we got married
    Her(2): what do you mean?
    1: don't tell me u wanted to be with me seriously
    2 were not talking about u & I here.
    2 my life is too good t
    1 u wanted to come back with me?
    2 to submit to you and your lifestyle right now.
    2 but yes, I wanted to be with you.
    1 it's impossible
    1 i got my girl
    1 we were not serious
    1 she's my real deal
    1 otherwise i'll not buy her ring
    2 whatever flipflopper
    1 lol
    1 (we are married
    1 leagally
    2 oh surprise
    2 u didn't tell me
    2 yuck
    1 so she IS my real del
    2 now I'm disgusted w/u
    1 deal
    2 why didn't u tell me
    1 what's the differ
    2 differerence I wouldn't even think about showing you my body now that your married.
    2 yuck, perv
    1 : why do i have to tell u
    2i gotta go
    1 me too
    After a while, I was even a lil worried and sorry cause I thought I hurt a woman’s heart.
    1: u ok?
    2: **** off &die

    See, she WAS interested in him and I believe he knew that clearly. That makes me hate him more. I wanted to ask him Will u avoid the girls who are interested in u (and u know that) for me? But I bet he’ll say How do I know? And every time he’ll turn around to me and ask me as before, like how do u know they are bad mouth on you? Why do u go through my computer my stuff?? Just transfer the point to something I’m short of words. Is anyone can teach me what to say in that case especially when I’m the one who is the right one but just for the part I peeked his stuff??

    For now I don’t think she’ll call him to discuss about this. If she send him email or msg, I’ll delete it before he see them if I can. But I feel I’m kinda really prepared but still hope not happening about the worst case. I wish he could stand on my side and understand me by the time he find out. Cause I don’t think he loves her or at least loves her more than me so far. I think she’s more an emotion dump ear to my husband. Maybe I’m too naive and not clear the fact yet. Or I just don’t want to accept if it’s really the fact.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
    You're still young, it would be in your best interest to get out of this marrige as soon as possible to ensure you have enough time to meet the RIGHT man for you. Your current husband isn't it! I don't see any reason to continue this farce of a marriage because you're the only one taking it seriously. He is not, instead he is doing everything a single guy would do and unless you make a huge effort to get away, he will keep right on doing what he's doing behind your back with whomever and whenever.

    The bottom line is that because he doesn't care about your feelings, that makes him a lousy husband and not worth staying with. Do what you need to do to get out of there! It will only get worse if you wait!
    I think this part is exactly right. I can’t and will not put up with it and let it mess up with my whole life if he continues. I don’t do that all the time. He will not be the one deserve my true love and my full heart if he doesn’t change. I don’t really want a divorce record but I will do if I have to. I believe there will be a man that will do everything like what u said for me. But for now, I still need some more time to wait, until I’m well prepared. I gave him myself, my heart, my love and everything anyway, I don’t leave like this.
    Also, I totally understand and agree all of this. But just like I said, not the time yet, either I’m well prepared and he is still like this without any change or will to change, or he blow me up first when he find it out even when I’m not ready yet. But either way, will not be too bad for me. Am I right?

    Last edited by genieindabottle; 07-09-2009 at 01:45 PM.

     
    Old 07-10-2009, 05:10 AM   #28
    jana83
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    Genie, I'm pretty sure your meddling with his computer just blew off any chance the two of you might have had. I would never ever spend my life with someone who goes through my stuff and pretends to be me. No matter what the circumstances.

    If he wants to cheat, it's his free will. If he wants to talk with other women, he CAN. If you ask him not to and he continues to do it, it's YOUR choice to pack your things and leave OR accept him for who and what he is.

    I hope he's not angry to the point of actually physically hurting you when he finds out. He's bound to find out sooner or later. Your actions were not only immature, but highly degrading as well, for both of you.

    Now, if you had not pretended to be him, but had told that woman you guys were married yourself and talked to her as YOU not HIM, that might have been excusable. You have as much right to call that woman and talk to her as he does. But you have no right to pretend you're him.

    I'm sorry, but trying to make this marriage work seems like flogging a dead horse. You BOTH deserve better.

     
    Old 07-10-2009, 05:16 AM   #29
    xpcandy
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    Join Date: Nov 2008
    Posts: 220
    xpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB User
    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    So he just so happened to forget to tell that woman he's now married and cannot figure out why it's any big deal? Wow...I'm sorry but this man you are married to is a real piece of work! I'd never trust this man for a second! This man will be cheating on you now until the day he dies! It's just obvious that he's what you call "A CHEATER"!
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    Last edited by xpcandy; 07-10-2009 at 05:17 AM.

     
    Old 07-11-2009, 01:58 PM   #30
    kevpark
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    Posts: 120
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    Re: Am i jealous to husband's exs?

    You're not hateful. I don't need to tell you that you have every right to be upset, especially since he is not taking your feelings into account. He is your husband and should be doing a better job at prioritizing his wife over his friends. As a guy, I think it very odd that he is putting other women over you, his wife. So, I completely understand why you are feeling the way you do. Your feelings are completely legitimate, and you don't need me to tell you that.

    You are in my prayers still and know that you have my support as well as the support of many friends here on this board.

     
    Closed Thread

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