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    Old 07-30-2009, 05:48 AM   #1
    outlandish
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    Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Hi,

    My girlfriend of 2 years will make an argument out of anything! Sometimes she will act so ****** of and upset and I do not have a clue why! I have to ask her and ask her untill she finally decides to tell me, and when she does I cannot believe how irrationale her reasoning is. She puts things into her head and will not listen to me when I try to explain to her she has no reason to be ****** off because what she is ****** off about is so petty!

    I am a really laid back guy and she is a fiery/emotional girl. She is 2 years older but goes on mood swings regularly and I have to think to myself "hmmm what have I (apparently) done now?". If we argue I try to solve the problem instantly, do not bare any grudge and want to move on as soon as because life is to short to waste. Whereas she will be antisocial for days on end. THis brings me down because I am an upbeat person and being around someone who is on a strop brings me down!

    I will give u an example: Yesterday my friend of 20 years invites me over for dinner with his family. I ask her via SMS if she wants to go and she says yes. When she returns home from work she mentions that she had planned to go with her friend for dinner and drinks. So I say to her "I dont mind if you go with your friend" because I thought it would be more enjoyable for her. She interpretated this as "You dont want me to come", "You only asked me because you felt guilty", "You felt obliged to ask me"!!

    I try to explain to her that I asked her because I wanted her to come and my friend asked for her to come along, but she keeps callign me a liar, saying that I am being false blah blah blah...I stand there trying to explain myself over and over and over again but its no use because she wont believe what I am saying! If she explains to me why something happened, I take her word for it and move on, I do not make a drama over it and brainwash myself!

    Some people say to me I need to be harder with her and not be so much of a pushover. But I dont think explaining myself is being a push over. Do they think if I throttle her I will get the point across! I have tried dismissing her bad attitude and her making stories up, but that approach does not work either. If I do that I do not care about her feelings. So whatever I do it seems like its wrong in her eyes.

    NOW HERE IS THE BEST PART

    In less than a week we are moving to Spain together (she is originally spanish). I do not speak spanish, i do not have family there (she has very nice family and friends). After that drama last nite she says to me "F*** your family, F*** your friends, F*** your life, you do your life I am going to do mine, etc etc" ....All that over the little example I gave you above. There are many more (at least once a week she will act ****** off for what I deem to be no reason).

    Anyone had any experience with a girl (she is 26 mind) liek this or got any advice on how to deal with such an aggressive/emotional person??

    Thanks for reading, if you took the time that is :-)

    PS. On a side note I have to express that I never do anything that could be considered wrong. Honestly, if I do it is not with the intention as I do not carry alterier motives, iI am a genuinely nice person. She is known to be abit up her own ***, thinking shes the queen. She is the first to admit she has a bad character, but almost seems proud of it!

    Last edited by outlandish; 07-30-2009 at 06:05 AM.

     
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    Old 07-30-2009, 06:07 AM   #2
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by outlandish View Post

    Anyone had any experience with a girl (she is 26 mind) liek this or got any advice on how to deal with such an aggressive/emotional person??

    Thanks for reading, if you took the time that is :-)
    She sounds really stressed out.I would just ignore it.But one can only tolerate so much.If I found I couldn't tolerate it anymore I would leave.

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 06:23 AM   #3
    outlandish
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dsheldon3 View Post
    She sounds really stressed out.I would just ignore it.But one can only tolerate so much.If I found I couldn't tolerate it anymore I would leave.
    Spot on.

    She has been stressed out, with the big move coming up and leaving work. But my outlook is positive. We should be happy not stressed! We have got a new life to start, shes leaving a job that has been stressing her, it should be good times!

    Its impossible to ignore. You could cut the tension with a knife sometimes. She makes me feel really awkward and so uncomfortable that I just have to confront her on why shes got such a look on her face and acting like a mentalist, I cannot just let it ride out as it eats away at me!

    Last edited by outlandish; 07-30-2009 at 06:23 AM.

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 06:30 AM   #4
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by outlandish View Post
    Hi,


    NOW HERE IS THE BEST PART

    In less than a week we are moving to Spain together (she is originally spanish). I do not speak spanish, i do not have family there (she has very nice family and friends). After that drama last nite she says to me "F*** your family, F*** your friends, F*** your life, you do your life I am going to do mine, etc etc" ....All that over the little example I gave you above. There are many more (at least once a week she will act ****** off for what I deem to be no reason).
    wow I'd take what she said to you as a blessing.....you're off the hook....now go do your life and let her go do hers......
    she's manipulative and controlling and possibly has a personality disorder besides a bad attitude.....
    do you really want to move to a country where you don't speak the language and have no support system in place?
    save yourself while you still can

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 07:33 AM   #5
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    She sounds like she is pathological. There's some deeper issue here with her personality and you're not going to be able to change it. She's a psycho. Do yourself a favor and DON'T move to a foreign country where you don't know the language, don't know anyone, and will be totally dependant on her. You think things are bad now? Just wait until you're 100% dependant on her for everything once you move there and she will use it against you every chance she gets.

    I personally would never put myself in that position! I can't believe you would do that to yourself!

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 07:46 AM   #6
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
    She sounds like she is pathological. There's some deeper issue here with her personality and you're not going to be able to change it. She's a psycho. Do yourself a favor and DON'T move to a foreign country where you don't know the language, don't know anyone, and will be totally dependant on her. You think things are bad now? Just wait until you're 100% dependant on her for everything once you move there and she will use it against you every chance she gets.

    I personally would never put myself in that position! I can't believe you would do that to yourself!
    My family say the same. If she is like this now, what will it be like when we are in Spain. On the flip side however, maybe being in her home country will make her less stressed out and calm her down. She will be around her family and friends aswell which may help her..See how I try to look for the positives!! She never remembers the positive things I say, just the bad (in her opinion) to use against me at any given opportunity.

    Here is another example of what she is like...We qued up for 2 hours to get on a ride in a theme park. When we were on the ride waiting, I said "Are you excited?!"...She turned to me and said "No I am not, I am ****** off!". When we got off the ride I asked what was wrong and she made a huge scene infront of everyone. I did not have a clue what the problem was, honestly! I kept asking her and she was saying "you not what it is!"..erm no I dont actually please tell me. Eventually she said I was looking at a girl infront of us in the que!! WHAT! I couldnt believe what I was hearing! I was not looking at nobody in the que!

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 07:51 AM   #7
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Umm yeah, she's not going to change!! She is who she is, and that is a psychopath. Holy cow I think I would have jumped out a window by now if I had to put up with someone like that!

    Being stressed and snapping at someone a couple of times is one thing. But going all out and flipping the way she does ALL THE TIME is NOT NORMAL! She is not just stressed, she is experiencing some kind of mental problem.

    I'm telling you, if you go through with this move, you will be more miserable than you are now. Why are you so adamant about going? What's so great about moving somewhere where you don't know the language or the culture with someone who is like Dragon Lady on Steroids? What's so appealing about that? What's so bad about living where you're at and finding a nice girl who won't make you walk on eggshells every second of every day? Do you see how bad of a decision it would be to go with her?

    I really hope you don't go. But if you do, you'll see that it's going to suck worse than it does now and you'll have nowhere to go, no one to talk to and you'll be in a way, way worse position than you are right now.

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 08:01 AM   #8
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by outlandish View Post
    On the flip side however, maybe being in her home country will make her less stressed out and calm her down. She will be around her family and friends aswell which may help her..See how I try to look for the positives!!
    who are you trying to convince? yourself?
    you're certainly not convincing me.....
    she will just turn more controlling and manipulative
    don't be naive
    if you go thru with this you will have no one to blame but yourself.....
    you've been warned, by your family AND by this message board.

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 08:22 AM   #9
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
    What's so appealing about that? What's so bad about living where you're at and finding a nice girl who won't make you walk on eggshells every second of every day? Do you see how bad of a decision it would be to go with her?
    I have told her many a time I feel like I am tredding on eggshells!

    Spain is appealing to me because of the hot weather and the majority of people are laid back. BUT, if it does not work out at least I tried. I guess I would rather try and fail than not try at all. At this age I think it is the time to try such things, because a may not get another opportunity in the future.

    I try to only see the good in people which is probably why I have stuck it out for so long. Its even more sick on her part how we are so close to moving and now she is using it as ammunition against me: "Your not coming with me!", "Do your Life"...She says these things when shes angry and I dont know how much she means it...However, whats to say she will not turn around to me in another country and say similar things? Im sure I would be strong enough to cut my losses and move on.

    Thanks for the advice peeps, keep it coming!

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 08:31 AM   #10
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Wow! It sounds like she is jumping to conclusions about things that she shouldn't. It also sounds like you want to move to Spain to keep her happy. I guess you would never know if moving to Spain with her would make things better if you don't try but it sounds like there is no pleasing your girlfriend. If you have to constantly ask her why she is mad at you, that's bad. You seem like a genuine guy and to have to put up with that, doesn't make sense. Moving to Spain is a HUGE step alone in itself but moving there with someone who is unhappy with you all the time..well that could get ugly real quick. Yes, you said she has family there and that could change her but I really doubt it. I mean, what if she doesn't change and she ends up with her family and friends who live there on her side and you are left there alone?

    I wish you well, I really do. Good Luck in your decisions

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 08:40 AM   #11
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    By any chance did she move to your hometown for you and you feel that you owe it to her for the same opportunity? Have you ever just tried calling her bluff and saying to her "your right", maybe I should just step back and live our own life" and see what her reaction is?

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 08:49 AM   #12
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
    By any chance did she move to your hometown for you and you feel that you owe it to her for the same opportunity? Have you ever just tried calling her bluff and saying to her "your right", maybe I should just step back and live our own life" and see what her reaction is?
    This is advice I get often. I have tried it but it doesnt change her actions. She will carry on saying what she has to say, calling me "a piece of s***" and all that stuff (which is not true mind you I have just got a first class degree at uni and never go out to clubs/get watsed or treat her badly!!). I get the feeling that if I did call her bluff and it came down to it she would regret saying what she does.

    However as I mentioned before, whatever approach I take does not work. I try the understanding/explaning/nice approach and it backfires, i try the mean/hard/i dont give a damn approach and that backfires. If I do the silent treatment it also makes the situation worse!

    She has been in the UK for 4 years now (I have lived here my whole life, hence I am open to a change of environment - not just to please her but for my own benefits). There are people who think I am really lucky to have the opportunity to move there.

    Quote:
    Yes, you said she has family there and that could change her but I really doubt it. I mean, what if she doesn't change and she ends up with her family and friends who live there on her side and you are left there alone?
    I do not think her friends and family would take her side. They all can see and know I am a good guy, her family have even mentioned to her that they are suprised I stay with her after the things she has done and the way she is sometimes. I have even seen her switch on her family, which proves it is not down to things I have done but due to her character defects.
    Its really confusing at times, I dont know if I am coming or going!

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 08:52 AM   #13
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    well you sound like you've got your mind made up.....not sure what advice you're looking for. I posted twice and you didn't respond, not even sure if you read them......but I guess i didn't post the answer you were looking for.
    good luck to you, you're really gonna need it.

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 09:10 AM   #14
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    I agree wholeheartedly with Rose. You are going to need all the luck you can get! I spent 16 years with a man who was very similar to your gf, always hoping that he would "see" my point of view, that he would understand how he was hurting me, that he would start speaking to me again when he was mad. One time he went 7 months without speaking to me. (Yeah, don't even ask why I didn't leave -I actually made plans to move out and he eventually "apologised" in his way). Eventually I had to see what everyone else saw - he was who he was and was not going to change, and I needed to cut my losses and find someone who would treat me the way I deserve.

    I really wish you the best but I cannot believe you want to waste any more time on a woman of this caliber. You've see how she treats you; you've seen how she treats her own family. What if she has kids?!?!? Do you even consider how she may treat them?!?!? Nothing you say or do is going to soften her; nothing her family says or does is going to soften her. She is who she is.

     
    Old 07-30-2009, 09:12 AM   #15
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    Re: Girlfriend makes nothing a major issue!

    Hey Rose,

    I did read your posts..I got the jist that you think it would be a mistake to move and I should run as fast as I can. The advice is appreciated. I guess I am just trying to be positive and didnt post looking for an answer to the problem but for advice.

     
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