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-   -   Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/706502-update-possibly-good-news-breakup-survivors.html)

Redneon82 07-31-2009 12:48 PM

Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
Hello everyone, I just thought I'd update you from breakup land.

For those who are unfamiliar with my story...Almost 3 months ago my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me, then a couple of weeks later dumped me with an e-mail, saying that he didn't want a girlfriend at that time. He actually had started a relationship with his nephew's former girlfriend, 3 days after the nephew and the girlfriend broke up.

I went through the usual emotional reaction, feeling sad, depressed, anxious, etc. for a while. I talked to him about 3 times in the first month, then since his girlfriend was exhibiting some extremely jealous and possessive behaviors, including making him delete his social networking profile, deleting numbers from his phone, forbidding him to see any friends or family members unless she approved, I decided to go 100% "no contact". I found that I would have either severe anxiety or severe depression after seeing him or talking to him, so it really did me a lot of good to just avoid any contact.

The good news is, after the first few weeks, I gradually started to feel better! No more anxiety, no more depression, no more sadness...it just seemed like every day was better than the day before. It did help that I heard from various sources that he'd gotten involved in some destructive behaviors and was allowing the new girlfriend to completely run his life. All that just made him so unattractive to me that I actually felt relief to be free of him.

Now, recently for some reason, the new girlfriend had begun to harass me. I was getting e-mails and IMs supposedly from him, but they didn't make any sense. So I texted him simply to let him know that "someone" was using his e-mail and his IM screen name to harass me. He ended up calling me a few times to discuss this, and also to tell me that "people" were telling a lot of lies about him (this was because he has been basically disowned by his entire family and group of friends for having a relationship with his nephew's girlfriend that started while they were still together). So the "no contact" was broken, but amazingly enough, I still feel fine! It doesn't bother me one bit to hear his voice and I haven't had one second of yearning to be with him. I just feel lucky to be free of the lying cheater and get some satisfaction knowing that he probably expects me to have fallen apart, and it's obvious I haven't.

So I just want to let those who have been through a recent breakup know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! It is true that time helps to heal, and that even if you feel distraught and think you'll never feel better, you can and will. My life is much better than it was, and I have hope for the future. And I feel terrific! Oh, and definitely, "no contact" is the way to go. You can't possibly heal if you are seeing or talking to the one who broke your heart.

I just hope my story gives someone going through the pain of a breakup hope. You can get through this!

BigRed54 07-31-2009 01:20 PM

Re: Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
"Breakup Survivors" - I like that! :D

I'm glad you broke through and are feeling good. Isn't it amazing once you can look back and view it with more dispassionate eyes! We lived through something similar in our family - my sister's H had an affair with our niece and Sis found out about it, confirmed it after much lying. It's been years but the toll it took on the family is great.

As you now know, you are SO much better off! Best of luck to you and thanks for posting your story for others to gain hope from. :wave:

Rigdon 07-31-2009 01:23 PM

Re: Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
Hey all, I'll chime in too. I know every one of us can talk for days about at least one of our breakups, because if you're in love when it all goes wrong they are such emotional times, so I'll leave out all the nitty gritty and just keep it brief.

At the end of January this year my girlfriend of around 3.5 years, who I was living with at the time, said she didn't love me anymore and wanted us to just be friends. She'd also been speaking with and started to have feelings for someone else as well.

I felt absolutely crushed at the time and I just couldn't see my way clear of what felt like a wall of pain in front of me. I didn't give a crap about work or university, I just wanted to sleep all the time so I could get away from that constant aching feeling and sense of loss.

I moved out a month later and things instantly turned around. Once she was out of sight she was out of mind and I really started to move on. Now we've been apart for 6 months and I am completely over her. I am happier than I've ever been, I'm hitting the gym and have a better social life than I've had for years. Things are still amicable between us and we still chat on e-mail while we're at work and stuff.

So to everyone out there who is going through a break-up, just hang in there. No matter how bad you feel now I promise you it'll get easier. You'll just wake up one day and all of a sudden the pain will start to dim and soon he or she will rarely enter your head. Don't make things harder for yourself by looking ahead into the future, because when you're in that state of mind it makes things worse. Just aim to take one day at a time, and if one day at a time seems like too much then take an hour at a time, and if that's too long then hell take it a minute at a time. Every passing second it will get easier.

Good luck everyone.

Redneon82 08-01-2009 09:20 AM

Re: Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
Hey Rig, good for you! It's amazing what we have time to do now that we don't have to reserve all that time for a boyfriend/girlfriend. My house is coming together nicely, I have food in the fridge, I can see friends and attend events...it's fun!

And BigRed, wow! I'm sorry for your family's pain. My ex just can't understand what everyone's so upset about! He's just doing his thing, why should anyone care what he does??? He is the definition of DOES NOT GET IT. I'm glad to hear that your family is healing. My ex's family has not yet, unfortunately. But the nice thing is, it's not my problem anymore!

It took me almost 3 months, but I am pain-free. I'm hoping to hear from those who went through this about the same time as me, to see if they are doing ok.

Redneon82 08-09-2009 06:29 PM

Re: Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
Another update...he's been IMing me and yesterday he called and left a message asking me to call him. It was the coolest thing to look at my phone, see his number on the screen, and ignore it. I didn't return the phone call. And I responded to the most recent IM by saying I was not going to call him because of his girlfriend, and that I didn't know why he would call me.

A couple of months ago, heck, a month ago I would have jumped on the phone, if only out of curiousity. But I didn't want to bother. And I loved this guy so much before! But there's only so much you can take from someone before they kill the love you have for them...and it also helped when I talked to his best friend, and the best friend advised me to never, ever give him another chance. His best friend!

Hang in there, all of you fellow survivors. That day will come for you too, when he (or she) calls, and you just can't be bothered to answer the phone because you no longer care.

US40126 08-09-2009 10:52 PM

Re: Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
..........

Nikita8282 08-11-2009 01:20 PM

Re: Update - and possibly good news for breakup survivors
 
This def helps to see other peolple out there are going through the same stuff. I feel better knowing that I will get easier. Just takes time. Thanks!!


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