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  • Cannot stop erratic behaviour

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    Old 08-22-2009, 03:07 AM   #16
    Audrey-B
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    My uneducated guess would be that he's not capable of dealing with the situation. I would imagine it would be very draining and difficult emotionally for him dealing with whatever is causing your behaviour. A lot of guys would not want marriage with all of this going on and a lot of guys would not have proposed in the first place. Now that your fiance has lost his job he will have a lot of stress and worry over that and any emotional dramas in the relationship could just make him say that enough is enough and he'll be out the door.

    You mentioned your grandparents and your parents having issues. There seem to be issues all round. I'm not sure what type of family situation you have grown up in but it doesn't appear to have made you feel good about yourself, nor does it appear stable. Usually if someone is constantly seeking validation that their partner loves them and is going through the type of erratic behaviour, as you are, there is some type of self esteem issue and low self worth and it has likely built up over the years.

    I don't feel that there is much you and your fiance can do to fix this all on your own. As i said in my previous post, i believe you need to go through everything on your own with a councellor/therapist/psychologist or whoever it is you see for help. You mentioned thinking it might be ADD. Have you seen a doctor to run tests or to check whether you might have a chemical imbalance which causes BiPolar?

    The sooner you set things in motion and do something to help the situation the sooner you will start feeling better. Your fiance will likely be able to relax a bit more and feel better about the relationship and focus on finding a job. I'd also be postponing the wedding until things have improved. The way things are now is not a good foundation/start to married life.

     
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    Old 08-22-2009, 04:50 AM   #17
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    Thanks Audrey. Your words made me feel better. Right now I am fighting with this need to be hugged, to be pampered, where on the other hand I have been awful with my fiance. I haven't been to any doctor. I do plan to go ASAP. I just want to get rid of my constant NEED to be loved. My fiance says it is in my hands to control myself. I have tried, succeeded...but fallen back badly. I tried explaining to him about my growing up years and how i always carried around a sense of low self worth and humiliation. He says every teenager goes through this, and that it was because of me that I feel like that. And that I look for reasons to put the blame on someone else on situations - to seek pity. I am confused. His words do make sense. But I want to find out on my own.

    Last edited by hb-mod; 08-23-2009 at 11:12 AM. Reason: Removed quote of the immediately preceding post. Please use Quick Reply instead of Quote Reply. Thanks.

     
    Old 08-22-2009, 05:39 AM   #18
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    I can only speak for myself here. When I'm having stress problems, I just want to be alone, or be with somebody that doesn't need so much attention. Stress also affects sex drive. When I seek my own space, it's not that I hate the person with me, it's just that I need some time with my thoughts. If drama comes out, it just makes me want to be as far away as possible.

    On the other side, I've had times where I was looking for affection because my self esteem was shaken by some happenings. I know dealing with rejection there is hard. It's the worst. You try to get the other person's attention at all costs, and sex becomes a bargain tool. I imagine that this being a really serious problem with yourself, you should consult a psychiatrist to get some medication to lower your anxiety? Just my guess, never tried it.

    You mention that he stabilizes you. Keep in mind he needs your support too, specially in times of trouble. All the drama just destabilizes everything. Marriage is a stressful situation by itself for us man. Life's hard, marriage can be daunting, two persons with different traumatic experiences getting together, they'll never be able to understand each other completely. They can only expect to make their own place within this world where they can have peace and can support each other during the highs and lows of life. That's what marriage should be all about, not about one part getting all the attention all the time. When I'm having problems, I don't bring them to my partner so she can fix them, I deal with them myself, because they are MY issues. In due time they'll get solved and I'll be able to give her all the attention she deserves.

     
    Old 08-24-2009, 04:28 PM   #19
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    Hi incorrigible - In your last reply, regarding seeing a doctor, you said:

    "I do plan to go ASAP. I just want to get rid of my constant NEED to be loved."

    You do need to go ASAP as your constant need to be loved, seeking validation, then becoming angry, taking it out on your fiance etc etc, is ALL part of the one problem. These are all non desirable behaviour patterns.

    You need a professional to give you tips, ideas, talk through everything, sort things out with you. The sooner you start the sooner you can help yourself and your fiance. I still think a professional psychologist/counsellor (not really sure who you are supposed to see precisely) would best help you if it's a psychological issue which developed over time, from childhood to the present.

    If it's not an actual medical issue eg: chemical imbalance resulting in actual medical illness which needs drugs to treat it, then i'd not be taking prescription drugs, which a lot of GP's are only too willing to hand out. As i said before, see a GP and discuss it with him/her, get some tests done, if it all comes back ok then dont go on any drugs, but seek a professional to help you naturally work through it.

    Do it for yourself and do it for your future with your fiance who i know you love. I'd like to one day read a post on here from you about how much better you feel and how much better your life is. Take care

     
    Old 08-26-2009, 05:33 AM   #20
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    Hi incorrigible, please make an appointment to see your doctor as soon as possible. Like the other posters, I think that your behavior may have to do with an unresolved psychological issue that medication and/or therapy can treat.

    Please don't delay in seeking medical help, these issues won't resolve themselves. You need professional help to help you control your moods.

    You will feel so much better and your fiance' will be proud of you for taking control and getting help.

     
    Old 08-31-2009, 06:11 AM   #21
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    !! Went to a counselor this Saturday. He was nice to me; I talked and talked and talked, and cracked jokes too! He says he will study me for a few more sessions and if he notices a recurring pattern will prescribe some tests. So how is it for a start? I am happy and my fiance too

     
    Old 08-31-2009, 03:52 PM   #22
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    That's excellent and a great start You should be proud of yourself in taking that first step. I hope your sessions with the counsellor help you out a lot.

    Take care

     
    Old 01-21-2010, 02:57 AM   #23
    incorrigible
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    Re: Cannot stop erratic behaviour

    Quick question:

    Can my mother-in-law and I have the same psychiatrist? She has had 3 sessions with this one, and since I have moved to a different city (after marriage), can I also consult him? I have been with my mom in law in two of her sessions. Of course, I dont want my in laws to know I am seeking help, but, A) will it be wierd for my husband? You know, going to the same doc. (B) Is there a possibility the doc.'s perception will be skewed since he knows bit of family history?

    I need to consult a psych. ASAP.

    Please help

     
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