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  • Anxiety is killing our love

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    Old 09-13-2009, 06:35 PM   #1
    doggg
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    Anxiety is killing our love

    My girlfriend and I are really going through a rough patch--- it's hard to tell whether these problems are signs we shouldn't be together or if anxiety is ruining our chance for a lifelong fulfilling relationship. She is funny, fun, beautiful, smart and very kind.

    As background, I have had a rough year and I was diagnosed with adjustment disorder, or situational anxiety.

    She is very attractive but I find myself avoiding sex with her. We had a great sex life for a long time but I have never been able to orgasm with her (or by myself). It started just as a "what's the point of getting worked up and then just feeling frustrated?" but now sex is something I just don't want. With my anxiety level so high though, it's hard to tell if it is just an anxiety thats killing my libido.

    I started worrying that I wasn't attracted to her anymore, that I felt like her friend and not her lover, and my worries have just taken off from there. She is my best friend but suddenly I have nothing to say to her--- I am too busy analyzing my every reaction to what she says to be able to interact back.

    Friends and family have noticed how distant I have become. I've retreated inside myself and can't stop thinking about our relationship, to the point of obsession. I am not the person I was before.

    When I first started worrying about us, I would see her and my worries would immediately stop. I could snap out of it and still have a great time with her. I could step outside of anxiety and have so much fun, it would put breaking up out of my mind for a while. I would feel so in love all over again.

    Now, it is getting harder and harder to step outside of my worries. I feel like I am killing my love for her, when I am analyzing all of the little negatives about her and our relationship for hours a day.

    People say when you wonder if you love a person, you don't really love them. I think that is pretty accurate but what about a person with anxiety? Don't our minds try to take us through the worse case scenarios with every worry?

    I have never fallen so deep in love with someone before and I am just so confused how I went from having no doubt in my mind that she was the girl for me to utter confusion.

     
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    Old 09-14-2009, 10:18 AM   #2
    writeleft
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    doggg,

    Are you being treated for your anxiety issues?

     
    Old 09-14-2009, 04:30 PM   #3
    doggg
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    I'm between therapists currently but I was being treated for anxiety for about two months while symptoms continued. Not sure if it was working or not, my anxiety only subsided for a day or two at a time.

     
    Old 09-14-2009, 04:40 PM   #4
    pendulum
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by doggg View Post
    I'm between therapists currently but I was being treated for anxiety for about two months while symptoms continued. Not sure if it was working or not, my anxiety only subsided for a day or two at a time.
    And how about your physical healthy? Do you manage to sleep well these days? Are you able to eat your regular meals?

    I think you are very much stressed. Could you take some time off and go somewhere in the country? Walk barefoot; do without a watch/clock; bathe your eyes with the colours of nature; breathe pure air; feel the sun, the rain, the wind on your skin... Yes, I think nature would do you a lot of good, make you stronger and give you a clearer mind to deal with some of your problems.

     
    Old 09-14-2009, 07:22 PM   #5
    doggg
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    Physically, I am healthy. Anxiety IS taking it's toll however. I rarely get any deep sleep. When I do, I have nightmares. I eat well. But I get stress headaches frequently, have a nervous pit in my stomach and sometimes find it hard to breathe. I exercise pretty vigorously a few days a week and do "de-stress" yoga DVDs. It helps my anxiety stay manageable but my concentration and self-esteem are being beaten up pretty hard. I'm overwhelmed by things that never overwhelmed me before, simple things, like finding quarters for laundry.

    A walk in the woods does sound nice though. I wish I could just clear my head from all these obsessive, anxious thoughts.

     
    Old 09-14-2009, 08:04 PM   #6
    dodedoo
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    I know exactly how you feel. I was and kind of am in the same situation as you. I have really bad anxiety. Send me a private message if you'd like to talk sometime.
    __________________
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    Old 09-15-2009, 05:46 AM   #7
    doggg
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    Uh, this is a stupid question but. . . how do you message someone? I would like to ask you more about your situation.

     
    Old 09-15-2009, 07:05 AM   #8
    pendulum
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    Click on My Settings, on the left side of your screen.

     
    Old 09-15-2009, 07:18 PM   #9
    dodedoo
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    yeah go to my settings on the top left of the screen and then click message someone on the lower left side.
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    Old 09-16-2009, 08:05 AM   #10
    dodedoo
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    Re: Anxiety is killing our love

    i dont think you have the private messaging on. so if you go to my settings on the upper left hand side of the page and then click on edit options which is on the left side, you can enable private messaging.
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