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  • Rumours about husband cheating...

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    Old 09-16-2009, 07:20 PM   #1
    Love2Ski
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    Rumours about husband cheating...

    The other day my sister got an message on an online networking site from someone claiming to be a coworker of her husbands, though they said they wanted to remain anonymous. The email was a back and fourth conversation between this mystery person and apparently her husband (it was his account). The mystery person initiated the communication by saying something like "I know you cheated with *Anne (name changed), I am a friend of hers. I am not going to tell your wife etc. etc. Then it shows her husbands account name and display picture responding with something along the lines of " I appreciate that you are going to keep this private. I am remorseful for my actions, I made a mistake. If anyone found out it would destroy my family/reputation etc. I truly developed genuine feelings for *Anne. I never thought that I could have feelings for anybody like this besides my wife etc." The mystery person then sent her *Anne's phone number. She called her and she denied it, as does her husband. He said that someone is just out to get him and ruin their life for no reason and that he never wrote to that person. Well the mystery person wrote my sister again saying how she/he has personally seen them hugging/kissing at work, that he/she has heard it straight from *Anne's mouth and that *Anne told her/him that while my sister was away with the kids one weekend shortly after they moved to the new house that he had Anne over (she did go away shortly after the move). Well this still wasn't enough for my sister and the mystery writer was determined to make her believe it so he/she sent my sister the email and password for their account so that my sister could log on and see that the message her husband sent was unaltered or whatever. She logged in and sure enough it was there in all its glory. For me this is substantial evidence. Unless someone has access to HIS account how can he deny this? Also the writing style matches his own.

    Things have gotten pretty bad since and this mystery writer has now sent a mass email to every employee at her husbands company asking people to please come forward with any info they might have about him cheating. My sister has decided to dismiss the allegations and blocked further contact with this individual (though she still has doubts). I am not as easily satisfied and I wrote this person asking if they had any other evidence. They wrote me back saying that they are 100% of the affair and that they thought my sister deserved to know the truth about her husband and while they do have further proof they can't say much else without putting other coworkers in the hot seat or without revealing their own identity. A few days later they forward me another conversation between the mystery individual and my sisters husband. The mystery writer wrote something like "I hope you can hold your head up high. What you did is disgusting etc". Her husband writes back "Stay out of my business. Get a life. This doesn't involve you. Why are you trying to destroy my family? FYI *Anne denies everything and my phone records are clean" - Never once denying the affair and almost gloating about how my sister believes him and how his mistress is denying everything. In my opinion this is pretty cut and dry. He out right admitted to it. I seen it with my own eyes. He continues to deny it to my sister. What is your take on things? He denies it, she denies it and there are no real personal specifics to say otherwise besides for the fact that I seen the inbox containing his messages... is this just some computer hacker out to mess with peoples personal lives? I am pretty convinced that he did in fact cheat.... I don't know what else to do at this point. The mystery person has now deleted their account so I can't contact them anymore. Should I try calling this *Anne again? She adamantly denies anything... Advice appreciated...

     
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    Old 09-16-2009, 08:24 PM   #2
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    ...this is ONLY my opinion. If your sister has decided to "let it go", then you should too. It may very well be someone with a "vendetta" or even thinking this is funny... then again - maybe not. Pretty much all you can do is be there for your sister if and when she may need you...

     
    Old 09-16-2009, 09:09 PM   #3
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    I agree. As much as you may love and worry about your sister, this really isn't your business. Your sister and her husband must handle this the way they both see fit. All you can do is support and be there for your sister.

    I mean, really, for all you or anyone knows, this could be a big hoax, a cruel joke or something someone is playing. You don't want to help destroy your sister's marriage over suspicious emails and internet postings from some person who won't even tell you who he/she is. I think you should ignore this person.

     
    Old 09-17-2009, 02:58 AM   #4
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Love2Ski View Post
    ... Should I try calling this *Anne again? She adamantly denies anything... Advice appreciated...
    The odds are that he really cheated on her, but that is very cruel. I mean it is always cruel to learn that you have been cheated on, but to be told about it from an unknown mysterious source is really devastating. You don't know whom/what to believe. The ground seems to have been dug from under your feet. Trust is broken. It would have been better if you had actually seen it.

    That said, I am afraid there's nothing more for anyone to do here, except trying to heal what has been damaged. If you call "Anne" again, she will deny it once more and in the end you may be accused of harassing her. I think this couple needs to evaluate their marriage and find ways of being together again, of doing things together, of looking into and planning for the coming years. Maybe his cheating, if real, was an isolated event and will not happen again, but it is surely a sign that something had become barren in their relationship. Let them work on it by themselves.

     
    Old 09-17-2009, 05:32 AM   #5
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    You need to stay out of it. It is none of your business. You aren't even a third party, more like a 4th or a 5th party to this mess.

    Yes, it does sound like your brother-in-law did cheat on your sister but if she can't or won't believe that, then it isn't your job to prove to her that it is true.

     
    Old 09-17-2009, 05:52 AM   #6
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    I agree w/ the other posters here, although you may love your sister and don't want to see her hurt, it is best to just let it go. There are many out there that are able to put something like that behind them and move forward and it sounds like this is one of those cases.

    For all you know your brother in law may have told your sister the truth about the whole situation, but to keep from embarrassment that your sister may not want anyone to look down on her or her husband for this situation and wants to let it all go....

    I am sure your sister will keep a closer eye on any further situations that may look suspicious in the future w/ her husband, but in the mean time it sounds like she wants to hang on to her marriage....Just be there for her if this happens, that is all you can do. You don't want to lose her in the end if she feels you are pushing the issue too much, do you?

     
    Old 09-17-2009, 08:36 AM   #7
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
    For all you know your brother in law may have told your sister the truth about the whole situation, but to keep from embarrassment that your sister may not want anyone to look down on her or her husband for this situation and wants to let it all go....
    This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm not saying I believe it's likely, but you don't know what's gone on in private between your sister and her husband. She may be trying desperately to save face and you're not helping. She's an adult who has made an informed decision. Being kind would be letting it drop. That will show your sister that you have some mature judgment skills and make her more inclined to come to you if other issues develop later.

     
    Old 09-17-2009, 05:57 PM   #8
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    Re: Rumours about husband cheating...

    The 'supposed' key parties are denying it, your sister is accepting it, the informant has disappeared.......

    If you keep pushing it, as someone else said, you could lose your sister or she may be hesitant to confide in you in the future.

    Just let it go an be there for your sister. I know it's going to be very difficult facing her husband as you will always feel, regardless of the whatever the truth is, that he did the wrong thing by your sister.

    This scenario will either strengthen their marriage or will leave it on shaky ground. Give it time and let the two of them sort things out between them.

    I do think it's good that you are looking out for her

     
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