It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • I'm so so lost bipolar ex

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 09-24-2009, 04:09 PM   #1
    emma j
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    emma j's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: nevermind
    Posts: 539
    emma j HB User
    Unhappy I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    hi guys,
    Ok, so i've been lurking on these boards for a while now and i'm sitting here in tears and thought it was about time i got some advice or guidance or just someone to talk to. I'm gonna warn you it may be long but i'll keep it as brief as i can.
    just over 2 years ago i met a guy while i was out with friends. we hit it off immediately and within a week we where bf and gf. during this week before we got together i told him that i was moving to another country(40 min plane journey) to go to college. He was hesitant at first saying ok well maybe we should leave it but changed his mind the next day. we had 2 and a half 3 months before i was due to move. During this time our "honeymoon period" lasted all of i'd say a week before he was starting the most ridiculous arguments from nothing at all. I couldn't quite understand it. but we quickly fell in love so i put up with it. during this time he broke up with me numerous times only to sort it out again. Finally a week before i was due to leave i ended it while i was out with friends. A going away thing that i wanted my bf to be at. But he "didn't want to" during this time i vividly remember saying to 2 friends " ya know i think he's bi polar" It explains alot of his behaviour his sudden sudden mood swings. But i thought nothing of it.

    I moved to england and he told me that he didn't want me there. To come back and to be with him that if i loved him i'd do it. I had applied and been accepted to college before i meet him so this wasn't an option i was willing to do. So 4 months passed by with no contact. I thought about him daily, missed him daily and craved for him to pop up on my msn. Christmas time he suddenly did. we slowly began talking and exchanged numbers again. Over the x mass period we meet up and kissed. He told me that he was glad we had this time apart so that he could realise what he wanted. that he was miserable with out me. HE begged me to get back with him even though i lived in england. I said that it wouldn't work. We'd miss each other to much. I loved him dearly and only ever wanted to be with him. New years eve he calls to my house and gives me a letter to read. A love letter of such and reached out to me. I instanly called him and said i was to be your gf again. So 4 months past - to april and during this time he loved me one week, wanted to marry me, grow old with me. the next day/week/ hour he couldnt' do it anymore. It was like a constant merry -go - round. I never ever knew when it was goig to turn again. He broke up with me again numerous times and like a fool i went back every time. I've never ever been in love with someone as i am with him. i simply can't explain it.

    So in april he comes over to me for me to treat him for his birthday. took him to a gig and i remember being in a pub after and him telling me how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, every little detail that he loved about me. i thought finally its working. He went home the next day only for me to surprise him by getting the flight home after him. He was so happy. Picked me up and said that he wanted to spend the entire weekend with me and that he wanted to bring me to the airport when i was going back. I agreed. I'd spend every waking hour with this guy if i coud. On the way to the airport he pulls the car over and tells me how much he loves me and wants to make this work. i was touched and so so happy. i get home back to england and he tells me he loves me. then things started going funny. wasn't answering his phone txts. Then suddenly ends it because he said that i didn't give him enough space. Hello i live in a different country. He said that when i surporsed him by coming home he culd hardly say well i don't want to see you, but he was so so estatic to see me and insisted that we spened the weekend together. I yet again feel apart. I had lost count at this stage as to how many time he had ended it. During the period from x mass to the april a good 4 times not including the back and forthness of i can't do this. So i feel apart and failed my exams and assignments and had to to resists which i luckily passes.

    The day of my last resist my best friend died. Me and my ex at this point know each other only a year. He gets in touch, offers his support but is now going out with a girl who i found out was secretly txting while we where coming to an end in april. The day after his funeral he starts stiring things again and causes a big argument. thts in july. In sept/oct he gets back in touch. He's single again. wants to met up. Wants to spend time with me. However during out time of not talking i decided to book myself flights to see family in a very distant country to get over my friends death and to get over this guy. I simply wastn't goint to be able to do it in a place where everything reminded me of him. during end of sept - mid november we are secretly seeing each other. i find outhe is also friendly with another girl. During this time we are yet again on and off. him constanly back and forth with his feelings and me hanging onto his every word and going back to him at every hurtful txt he sent. He asked me to run away with him. seriously. Just forget my trip and to run away with him. Obviously i said no. Then he changed again. Didn't want anything until i got back from my trip and then would be my bf. He wanted his cake and to eat it. To have this girl now and while i was away and then to have me when i got back. I finally had enough and told him that i was going away to get over him and that if he wanted that not to happen he knew what he had to do. TO just be with me. HE refused and then blamed it all on me. That i had now chose this and that he was now seeing the other girl.

    I went away and slowly began to feel happy again. Spent 3 months feeling good. having down days but feeling good never the less. Meet a lovely guy who showed me that there are nice ones out there. So i came hojme feeling anxious but confident. He txts me 2 days after i get home asking how my trip was. I was shocked.. He knew why i went away and then wanted to know how it went. I didn't reply which took all my will power. He had a family party in the pub i work in. He was there with his gf. It was horrible. He txts me that night i dont' reply. His aunt gives me weekly reports on his love life to which i simply let brush over me. I had a different view on him and felt i was happy..

    Then bang. June(2 yrs knowing each other) i get a massive e mail telling me that he finally went ot see someone and he was diagnosed with bi polar. It all made sense to me. He poured his heart out to me. Told me that he has finished with his gf. or more she had finsihed with him. that he had noever ben treated in such a way before and it disgusted him to think that how he was treated was how he treated me. He apoligised for his behaviour. How he hurt me and had he understood things better. A month and a half ago we meet up and got back on our rollarcoster. I told him that i always knew he had bi polar and was kicking myself for not saying something but it wasn't my place to. During this month and a half it has yet again been back and forth. He wanting me not wanting me. During the time i went away i applied to college again. 3 hours from where i live. As far as i was concern i wasn't going to hear from him again. He wasn't in my life or a priority in it anymore. I was to think about me now. I was accepted and have since moved here..He is due to come visit next week and for me to go hom the weekend. Its quite doable its not that far.

    Last week, 5 days before i was due to move he got back in touch.We meet up. kissed and i was back to square one. He was all aout wanting to make it work and that he cud come drive to me and see me. half an hour later there where too many obstacles for this to work. I said i was to scared to become his gf. I was afraid. i don't trust him, his jusdgement and i never know on an hourly basis what way his mood or feelings for me will change. HE said that he needed to get my trust back. So we where going to be exclusive, not see other people and try get bck on track. he told his mam and friends. I told no-one. i'd been here before and knew what to expect. So fast forward to 1 hour ago.

    He ended it again. not only 4 hours previous telling me how his sis said we should get married. how he cudn't wait to see me next week and be with me. how he thought that things where going really well. All it tool was for me to say i had an interview for a part time job for him to completely do a you turn. He said that he has a constant knot in his tummy.Thinking where i am, what i'm doig who i'm doing it with. he's extremly jealous of any friends i make. especially guys. He said that he didn't give a **** about my life down here or the friends i make. He siad that it not him doing the running and going its me.That i never settle. Yes i've up rooted 3 times. twice for my education, decisions made whilst we whre no longer in contact and then to go away to get over him. He could have stopped that but he chose not to.

    So i'm a mess again. I just don't get it. He says the most hurtful things to me in txts. like. "he can't be bothered with this anymore" how can a person say that when only 4 hrs previous "things where going pretty well"
    I know he gets jealous and insecrue but i tolde him its him that i have on my wall. its him i think aout every second off the day its him i wanna marry its him i want to come see me. But non of it every makes a difference. He walks all over me andbreaks my heart on a contant basis and i let him, always because i have such an intense love for him. i've walked away twice from this cos i cudn't take it anymore. He's walked away more times that i can actually remember.

    I knows he's bi polar but really should i have to put up with this. I can't talk to him because what i say never registers in his head. Its like it just flows over. He's not on meds andhe's not in therapy. He feels like he can handle it himself. He can't, i know he can't. this proves he can't.

    I just don't know what to do. Why am i hanging around for a guy who is so hurtful to me and makes me a complete mess..I'm sure theres lots lots more i left out. Ask any questions that you have and someone please tell me why i continue to put my heart into the hands of someone who is so unstable with it.

    x
    __________________
    If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 09-24-2009, 04:43 PM   #2
    marrantz
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    marrantz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2009
    Location: eastbourne england
    Posts: 4
    marrantz HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    Why isnt he on meds yet,he should be. You will be suprised how different he will be on them but if you do want to be with him then im afraid this is how bi polar can be sometimes meds or not. I really feel for him and know what it feels like but i think you need to wait untill he has sorted his meds and therapy because its bringing you down. He must be very special for you to keep going back, maybe if you feel strong enough you could help him sort out his meds as he wont do it by himself(i know i wouldnt have done if it hadnt been for my gf). There is light at the end of the tunnel honey ive been with my gf for 10yrs now and although it can be hard at times we manage to have a great relationship. Take care & hope this helps a bit.

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 04:52 PM   #3
    emma j
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    emma j's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: nevermind
    Posts: 539
    emma j HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    I spoke to him only last week about his meds and theraphy. He refuses to takes meds. The only way he will take them is if he feels is he get more lows or if not very nice thoughts come into his head.Otherwise he just will not take them. He was given lithium if i'm not mistaken. As for theraphy. He did go to see someone. But said why should he pay x amount of money to go "talk" to someone and tll tem he's fine and lie.
    Yes he is very special to me, even though i take some amount of crap. i'm hoping that tomorrow i get a txt saying that he's sorry for what he said tonight, that he doesn't mean it.But i also know it can sometimes take him days to come around from it.
    __________________
    If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 07:38 PM   #4
    electric blue
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    electric blue's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2009
    Location: Sydney, Australia
    Posts: 158
    electric blue HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    Dear Emma j

    I read your 'book' and i think he's very confused and is making you the same. From what i can see, you're trying to make a life for yourself and educate yourself. How can you do that when you have such pressures? Look at all that wasted time of your life, when you could've been concentrating on yourself and your future. Bp people, for the most part, don't see consequences, particularly when they're not on meds. Of course there are exceptions. It's when there's clarity of thought, after a manic, there is remorse and that's why he feels so bad after doing something so horrible to you.

    I think if i were you, i would shed him, cut your losses and move on. There are lots of nice guys out there who are striving for the same things in life as you and who would be a better match for you and who you could be happy with and build a future with. Otherwise, you are in for a lifetime of never knowing where you stand extactly and a rollercoaster life. If that's what you want because you love him, i really wish you well, but i can see a better life for you if you stop investing so much of yourself in what i think will keep giving you heartache.

    All my best to you in whatever decision you make.

    Electric blue

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 08:46 PM   #5
    Arby428
    Member
    (male)
     
    Arby428's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2009
    Location: Illinois
    Posts: 58
    Arby428 HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    Hey Emma,

    I, too, think you should just "cut and run." If he's not going to be compliant on taking his meds, then he's just not worth all the grief. Change your phone number, refuse his mail, anything to cease all contact with him.
    __________________
    Bipolar 1, rapid cycler, major depression, suicidal tendencies, OCD, anxiety, alcoholic, cutter.

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 02:04 AM   #6
    emma j
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    emma j's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: nevermind
    Posts: 539
    emma j HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    hi,
    Thanks so much for your replies. Electric blue. Thank you for reading my "book" lol. That was the short version. Can you imagine what the full one would be like!! He is very confused and yes he makes me even more confused. As to how a person can say one thing and 4 hrs later be saying something so completely polar oppisite.
    Yes i am trying to make a better life for myself. to educate myself and get the best life i can. A life that i've told him over and over that i want to share with him. IT unfortunate that the courses i need to do aren't available where i live. But your right i can't do them with such pressure from him. It hard enough moving to a diferent part of the country with no friends and having my bf going crazy on me every few days. Is is normal for a simple txt to change there moods. I never know which chat or txt or phone call is going to make him do a u-turn and i shouldn't have to live like that.

    "Bp people, for the most part, don't see consequences, particularly when they're not on meds. Of course there are exceptions. It's when there's clarity of thought, after a manic, there is remorse and that's why he feels so bad after doing something so horrible to you" - - this makes so so much sense to me. Hence why right now i'm in the "i'll just give him some space and in a few hours or days he'll realise whats happened and get in touch" tht makes me such a walkover though. I don't want a life time of that rollarcoster life.

    Arby428, we've both cut and run so many times and always come back to each other. i thought that when i went away it would be that break of the cycle. and for hte most part it worked, for the longest time. I mean, what can i say to him about his meds. Is there anything i can say to presaude him to even try the meds. It feel like anything i say to him about his bipolar washes over him because i've "read it off the net". the college work i'm doing means that i've learnt about bipolar, i'm not completely unaware of it. heck i knew he had it a month after meeting him.

    This is such a horrible and confusing situation. All i can think about is what he's said. That i'm not what he needs. Funny a few hours previous i was everything he needed.. ugh. i gotta drag my lazy self to college now and i'm in no mood.
    Thanks everyone
    x
    __________________
    If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 10:46 PM   #7
    electric blue
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    electric blue's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2009
    Location: Sydney, Australia
    Posts: 158
    electric blue HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    Dear Emma j,

    I'm glad i could be of some help to you. I think what Arby said is the right option for you, if you really want to end this. You can't make him go on meds. he has to want to help himself. He probably likes the manics, because he gets a high from them.

    You seem to be such a nice person, with a great sense of humour, i'd hate for you to be hurt further. Think about it anyway. Then again, that's probably all you have been doing lol.

    Take care and keep us updated

    Electric blue

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 11:12 PM   #8
    mickey67
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    mickey67's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2009
    Location: Mason City IA USA
    Posts: 18
    mickey67 HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    emma hi name is mickey i have bipolar i have been married for 21 year in dec that ends . belive me when i tell u you are onlygoing hurt your self if you stay in this relationship . i have put my wife and two boys throw hell becouse of my ups downs ( Rollercoaster ) after 21 years of me tell her everything like your bf has told you starting argument telling her everthing that was wrong with me was her fault .. i am on meds and still have my ups and downs . it up to you . you can stay on the Rollercoaster ride or like my x-wife she had enuff she got off the Rollercoaster . take care . mickey67

     
    Old 09-26-2009, 03:18 AM   #9
    emma j
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    emma j's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: nevermind
    Posts: 539
    emma j HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    hi,
    ugh, i feel so crap. i've woken up the last 2 morning with anxiety in my tummy. I've not heard from him. That i'm not surprised at. It's how our lil cycle usually goes. My plan at hte moment is to give him some time to calm down and to get in touch and give him the oppurtunity to forget about what happened on thursday and to come down to me and talk to me like an adult and to not end things over txt, he at least owe's me that after everything. But then half of me feels like a door mat. He'll know he can end it and in a few days of calming down i'll forgive him. Does that make me seem kinda desperate?
    EL you said that you wouild hate to see me get hurt furter, unfortunetly thats what i constanly put myself through for him. Becaue i feel that strongly for him. I wish my head would just take over how my heart feels and allow me to walk away.
    I know that i can't make him so on meds and he is a very head strong person and only he will decide when and if he wants to go on them.

    I'm off to a wedding today and i know i'm gonna be sitting there miserable just thinking of him and that thats where i see us someday, but maybe i need to face reality. I imagine myself on my wedding morning more stressed out that he'll suddenly back out and bail on me again.

    i'll keep you's updated..thanks x
    __________________
    If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.

     
    Old 09-29-2009, 03:08 AM   #10
    emma j
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    emma j's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: nevermind
    Posts: 539
    emma j HB User
    Re: I'm so so lost bipolar ex

    ok so... lil update.
    I left him to it. didn't get in touch. I did write him a txt on sat but i kept it to send the next day. So sunday morning i get a blank txt from him. I replied back a lil while later asking him did he mean t send that. he said yes that he had written me a txt but accedentially deleted it so just sent me a blank one. We continued talking about what happened. I told him that it wasn't right to talk about this over txt, something in my eyes was so important. So i asked him to come down to me. He said he'd think about it. So we spent all yesterday txting to and he's currenly in his car on his way down to me.

    We'll have a chat but it feels like things have just gone back to normal. He had his lil moment on thursday and now has calmed down. Does that make sense.
    __________________
    If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Has anyone lost weight on Geodon/Zeldox? Esha Bipolar Disorder 6 07-08-2011 12:20 AM
    Can you have Schizophrenia and Bipolar together? dvchris Schizophrenia 8 06-18-2011 05:21 PM
    Oh no....I lost my pain meds.... schao Pain Management 27 04-28-2010 09:23 AM
    husband lost it again! 4support Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 116 08-21-2007 09:29 PM
    Feeling little lost lately- CASSIE711 Bipolar Disorder 6 05-08-2007 08:38 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:27 PM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!