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    Old 09-25-2009, 09:25 AM   #1
    400ex
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    Girlfriend completely changes on me

    My girlfriend was always the one to say I will never leave you, I love you so much I could never be with out you. Last week I could feel something was up with her and she got a belly button peircing with out mentioning it to me and I didnt care that she got it, but the fact of the matter is that she is 20 and I think belly button piercings are kind of Juvenile. So I told her that and she flipped out on me left my house and went home. Mind you her home is 1 hour and 30 min away from mine and she was only at my house for 10 min.

    I called her and asked her what was wrong and she says I always put her down and try to control her. When in all seriousness I don't I just tell her my opinions on certain situations because I care for her.

    The next thing she throws at me is that we argue to much, which I dont think we do I think we argue as much as any other couple and about dumb things that I always put behind me because we always have our great days/weeks.

    About a couple days later, she calls me and says I need time to my self I dont want to be with you right now even though I know I will end up being with you because I love you a lot. So me being just a confused buck I just replied OK but what about my feelings I am on a roller coaster right now I dont understand you.

    A whole week goes by with out me even talking to her because she is working 2 jobs about 18 hours a day. I get the call last night and she says I cant do this anymore I forget to call you and text you and I think it's because I am not in love with you anymore but I love you. I am confused I am not excited driving to your house anymore to see you I dont get these butterflies anymore. It shatters me because I still want to be with her and fix whatever the problem is.

    I talk to her and tell her to stop thinking so negativly and stop being so strong willed on her self and start being strong will for both of us and we will end up being ok.

    She then comes out saying that she is afraid if we end up in a relationship I will break up with her. I am boiling inside but I keep my cool with this game of cat and mouse.

    I start crying because I really cant hold it in any longer, the emotional rollercoaster is about to crash. I told her I am going to pick up my things on Saturday, we can hang out for a bit maybe that'll make you know for sure what you want to do, because right now I think you're stressed from work and you haven't been with me for over 3 weeks other then the 10min you saw me about a week and a half ago.

    And she agreed and she was happy about that.

    But this makes me feel like **** and I dont even know if I should EVEN bother anymore with this.

    I love this girl so much and for her to tell me all these things it bothers me. I asked her too a couple weeks ago these exact questions "do you feel any doubt in this relationship" and she said no so she lied to me.

    Inside I feel like some one stabbed me I have a terrible pit in my stomach.

    I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half but it feels much longer then that.

    Thanks
    I really needed to get this out somewhere....

     
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    Old 09-25-2009, 02:59 PM   #2
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    Re: Girlfriend completly changes on me

    Well, you might think that you are just "giving your opinion" to her, but she is obviously feeling like you are trying to control her and putting her down. To be honest, the situation that you described with the belly button piercing sounds like you were putting her down. She is just 20 years old, she is a young woman trying to find who she is in life - if she wants to get her belly button pierced, then she should do it and she does not owe you any explanation for that. And I don't mean to show you any disrespect here, but why should she have to consult with you before making this decision? And what did you really hope to accomplish by telling her that you thought what she did was juvenile? I would have felt the same way as she did if I were in her shoes. I think that you need to back off for now and give her some space for now. She is going to "change" alot - she is only 20-years old, so she has alot of life to live, and alot of growing and learning to do. Let her do it, and respect the fact that she is not comfortable with her relationship with you right now.

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 03:23 PM   #3
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    Re: Girlfriend completly changes on me

    I'm not so sure she changed, she just got fed up. I imagine you mean well, but saying you're not putting her down or not being controlling, but you are "just giving your opinion", well, that can be perceived as a put down. Like the boyfriend I had who commented on a friend of mine who always wore lots of makeup, then commented that he noticed I didn't. Then he said "maybe you should". He didn't get why I got upset! Well, to me it sounded like he was not happy with my appearance, or to take it further, that he thought I was ugly and needed to cover up with makeup! Or the "friend" who makes fun of the way you dress, then when you get upset, says "I was just kidding, sheesh!", or says "I'm just trying to help". You may feel you are just giving an opinion, but it may come across as criticism or control.

    At 20, she is probably just starting to get a feel of who she is. And part of that can involve her re-evaluating her relationship with you. She may decide to stick around, or she may decide you're not the one for her. I think if you back off and allow her the time she needs to get things figured out, it would go a long way toward perhaps convincing her that you two have a good relationship and should stay together. Telling her to stop being negative or strong-willed is just going to push her farther away. You can take this time to look at your own actions and see where you might need some changes too. Good luck.
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    Old 09-26-2009, 09:57 AM   #4
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    Re: Girlfriend completly changes on me

    i asked her today well can you at least tell me what makes you feel like why you are not in love with me anymore and why you dont want to be with me and she just says I dont even know why.

    I feel horrible and a shattered man. I tell her I dont want this to happen I love her to much and she just responds. I dont want this anymore..

    It kills me. I haven't seen her in 2 weeks, she works 2 jobs I feel as if she is stressed out from jobs and doesnt have enough time for me or even to think about me which is why she feels like this. But this is just my speculation. I am going to pick up my things tonight late at her house and sleep over for the night and just leave early in the morning. I told her I just want to have fun and have no drama even though its going to be hard for me not me not get upset because I always treated her well besides me just shouting off my "opinions"

     
    Old 09-26-2009, 11:10 AM   #5
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    Re: Girlfriend completly changes on me

    I think it's a bad idea to sleep over tonight. You should just get your things and leave.

    Adults grow and change the most between ages 18-25. She has changed. She has decided she doesn't have to put up with your "opinions." And I agree, you were belittling her decision. As much as it hurts you, her feelings have changed. Don't belittle her more by trying to convince her otherwise.

    It sounds like she has a lot on her plate, with 2 jobs, etc. Don't add more by questioning her decision to break up. Give her the space she is seeking. If she has a change of heart, she'll come to you. Just don't wait too long for that to have.

     
    Old 09-26-2009, 11:23 AM   #6
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    Re: Girlfriend completly changes on me

    Treating someone "well" doesn't guarantee that they will love you, or want to be in a relationship with you. I think a majority of those posting on this board who have been broken up with can't understand because they always treated their partner well...but got broken up with anyway. It just makes it harder, but if the feelings are not the same anymore, they just aren't. And if she just doesn't want it anymore, she doesn't...and no amount of you talking to her or trying to get her to change her mind will help. In fact, you trying to change her mind or get her to tell you "why" is just going to sound like more of the same old "opinions" that she perceives as you trying to control her.

    Yes, it hurts...but like I said before, take this time to think about your own words and actions and try to learn why someone you love thinks you are trying to "control" them. In the future, you might be able to have healthier relationships all because this girl had the strength to let you know what wasn't acceptable to her.
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    Old 09-26-2009, 05:22 PM   #7
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    Re: Girlfriend completly changes on me

    It sounds like she already told you why she feels like she isn't in love with you - she told you that she feels like you are trying to control her, and that you belittle her. That is more than enough reason for her to not want to be with you anymore. She is trying to make something with herself, and find out who she is, and you offering your opinions on what she is doing does not sound like it is welcome or helping her. I am sorry that you are hurting right now, but you need to let her go. Seriously, there is nothing to be gained by you pestering her to tell you why she doesn't love you anymore. She already did that. Give her the space that she deserves, and look at this as a learning experience. Respect a woman for who she is, not for who you want her to be.

     
    Old 09-26-2009, 07:23 PM   #8
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    I actually understand how you feel. Matter of fact, this "opinion" issue broke up an early relationship of mine. We were out one night and he was going on about how hot he thought a tattoo was. I said I thought it was basically a waste of money. I worked with a guy who was in his late 50's who had his whole arm tatted when he was young and it was looking all washed out and green now. So, I think we are having a conversation. I didn't intent to change his opinion about tattoos. Apparently I was supposed to not say anything because by saying what I said, he was very unhappy. He felt I was putting him down and trying to change his opinion. I wasn't at all but that was the way he perceived it. As we talked over the next days, it turned out that many times we had similar conversations and I was saying X, and he was saying Y, in his mind I was trying to change him. That honestly never occurred to me. I really thought it was conversation and even enjoyed our differences. So I hated it but I thought that if we stayed together I had to never have an opinion that disagreed with his or he would think I was putting him down. It was a real shocker to me as I am actually a very wimpy person who would never put someone down that way. But I do have opinions.

    Since we don't know you it's hard to know exactly what's going on. Your girlfriend could still be maturing and is at that point where a different opinion means a personal put down. I've known people like that who need their friends to agree with and support their every thought. She may grown out of it or she may always be that way. Or it could be that you deliver your opinion in such a way that it does actually sound like a put down. Ever had anyone else tell you that? Or had "communication issues" with anyone else?

    I understand your confusion. It would have been nice if you'd have had some hints before it became something to break up over. Maybe you missed them? It happens. But that might be something to consider too. Just try to learn from it. It's not easy.

     
    Old 09-27-2009, 01:00 PM   #9
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    I went to her house last night and it was pretty nice a lot better then I thought. We hugged each other cried together. We looked at some old pictures and talked to each other about future and pass. I told her how I felt and she told me how she felt, however she said she couldn't explain why she felt the way she felt. She said its not because she thought I was controlling her because she knows that I am not and it was just a spur of the moment thing to say.

    But she started to kiss me after the fact we were talking and discussing our pass she also said loved me and sort of lead me on and in the end... She said she loves me she cares for me she always wants to be apart of my life forever but she isn't in love with me like she was when we first started dating. I am so confused and hurt and she is too.

    I didnt get to deep about it and try and come up with a solution, when she got up in the morning for work we hugged and agreed maybe next week we will go see a movie together and she left saying I love you, which hurt again because she doesnt mean it the way I would want to mean it.

    She cried more then me last night because she says she wants to be with me she only wants me to be the only man in her life but she can't feel like she isnt in love with me and go out with me at the same time because of course that wouldn't be right and I agree with this.

    I just feel that the distance in the relationship has caught up and she doesn't have enough time to even call me anymore because of work, but I would never tell her this.

    I love this girl more then any other woman I have been with and we do have our disagreements but I want to grow with this girl through the bad and good. I just feel kind of depressed right now.

     
    Old 09-28-2009, 09:43 PM   #10
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    She even confused me even more today. She texted me out of the blue and said she missed me and called me a silly name she use to call me when we dated.

    What the F...

    I feel like maybe she is starting to feel the way she use to feel about me? Or she was just being friendly?

    Its tearing me up.

     
    Old 09-30-2009, 08:38 PM   #11
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    We have been talking a bit again, she's been saying I have been making her smile and that she misses me and that she bought an EZ Pass.

    She still is confusing me. I flat out told her what is going threw your mind. And she said, I feel much better then I did last week...

    But why tell me she misses me and bought an EZ Pass and that I am making her smile uncontrollably?


    I then sent her a text message when she was falling asleep that was concerning me because I needed to get it out there and just let it be known and I needed an answer

    I said

    Im scared your using me as a safety net cause I feel like you know I will always be here and I also feel you will never have those feelings you talk of till I actually wait so long that I drift away from you.

    She texts me back and says I am falling asleep we'll talk about this tomorrow ok?

    Anyone with any input? Am I just getting a little to crazy here?

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 01:10 PM   #12
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    you ARE her safety net and she IS string you along

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 02:35 PM   #13
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    She got back to me and said I am very wrong with a text message, and I sorta flipped out because that to me is not talking to me. And I called her 2 times she ignored my phone calls. and She hasn't responded to any of my text messages.

    I am just about done dealing with this crap and im not waiting for her if she's going to be sea-sawing back and forth telling me all this stuff and then treating me like garbage.

    She got back to me apologized to me for ignoring my calls.

    Im just in shell shock right now. I told her your confusing the hell out of me and I just said you know I loved my girlfriend the one who cared about me and the one who got excited about everything about me and she said i love her too.

    And we had made plans to go see a movie this weekend last week and I said well you can go see that movie with some one else because I figured those plans are shot and she said well I was going to ask you tonight. Really? you were going to ask me?

    So I said I don't know if this is a good idea because you have just been hurting me and it doesn't mean anything to you and I am just running my life into the ground for us and you could careless right now.

    what in the hell? Is this girl crazy? I couldn't believe in a million years this would happen. I feel like a screw fell loose from this girls head.

    Last edited by 400ex; 10-01-2009 at 03:51 PM.

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 04:29 PM   #14
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    Yeah, she's using you as a safety net. If she wanted to be with you, she would tell you, not play these mind games. She might not realize herself what she's doing, but that doesn't change the consequences it has on you.

     
    Old 10-02-2009, 07:33 AM   #15
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    Re: Girlfriend completely changes on me

    last night i drew the last line. I asked her to call me when she got out of work so we can talk about things instead of text messaging. she never called me. So I called her and she ignored me again.

    Last thing I need is her to overexagerate the truth and say I am stalking her or what ever by calling her so much because she doesn't want to talk to me.

    When in reality I just want to talk to her just to find out whats going on!!! Text messages dont do anything because you cant hear the other persons voice!

    Im seriously heart broken but what ever. Im absolutely done. I deleted her name out of my phone book and starting fresh.

    Last edited by 400ex; 10-02-2009 at 07:35 AM.

     
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