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  • being intimate too soon?

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    Old 09-30-2009, 11:55 PM   #1
    digmusic
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    being intimate too soon?

    I feel like I'm kind of monopolizing the boards lately, so I promise I'll chill with the posts after this. This is a common issue, and I'm just wanting everyone's opinion - what do you think about being intimate early on in a relationship? As in, sleeping together within the first week of knowing somebody? I do this sometimes. I think my reasons for doing it are okay - i don't do it because i want to get attention or i desperately want someone to like me, I do it because I tend to get a little, um, excited, and I'm very passionate about that kind of stuff. I kind of have a man's sex drive with a woman's emotions, and it's very complicated. Anyway, I have had relationships come out of that, or things will fizzle out very quickly. Do you think that most men quickly eliminate a woman from the serious category if she sleeps with him very early on, even if he likes her personality? If so, what do you think is the appropriate amount of time to wait, or how many dates?

    Last edited by digmusic; 09-30-2009 at 11:57 PM.

     
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    Old 10-01-2009, 12:14 AM   #2
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    Re: being intimate too soon?

    Should I have posted this on the sexuality board or is this appropriate here?

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 02:05 AM   #3
    justkeeppraying
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    Re: being intimate too soon?

    Well I think it kind of depends on what you want. I don't think there is a certain number of dates.
    Personally, I prefer to be in a marital relationship, but that's just me, I don't judge other's choices not to.
    If I was the type that didn't prefer that, then I would wait until I was actually in an exclusive relationship to have sex with someone. That way, it's kind of implied that things are headed in the direction of 'going somewhere'. If you give yourself away too soon, you could end up leading that person to believe you just want to have fun, one-nighter, etc., especially if there is no communication stating otherwise. Or you might just seem a little 'fast'. You might even seem like you want to get serious quickly, or that you are really into him. It kind of depends on the type of guy, in how he would interpret your decision to sleep with him.

    In my own experience, most of my guy friends prefer a more 'reluctant' girl. They believe that if it was 'so easy' for them, it will be 'too easy' for some other guy that could come. To them I guess it's a turn-off.

    Overall, I think sleeping together on the first date or after a couple days, could send the wrong impression. Society still has a double-standard, it's unfair, but the reality.

    Plus, engaging in sexual activity with someone after just a few dates is risky, if you're the type who becomes easily attached. You may or may not be that type. With dating, you're just getting to know the person, so if you don't like what you learn about them later into it, a relationship may not form. If you don't think your heart could take that, I would keep it in mind.

    Last edited by justkeeppraying; 10-01-2009 at 03:10 AM.

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 06:41 AM   #4
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    Re: being intimate too soon?

    it depends on the guy......

    I've done it both ways......quickly and waited.....

    there is no right answer

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 07:02 AM   #5
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    Re: being intimate too soon?

    If a guy rules you out because you wanted to have sex, I say he's not a keeper anyway. My best male friends, the ones I really love and respect, definitely don't have rules about that. Sex is just sex. What matters is the quality of the relationship, be it seven days or seven years. That's my opinion.

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 07:50 AM   #6
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    Re: being intimate too soon?

    Some men will rule you out, some men won't. I knew a man who liked a girl, thought she was pretty and smart, fun, etc. but blew her off because "she was kind of a tramp. She slept with me on the first date." Some men figure, if you'll go to bed with them that fast, you've most likely gone to bed with a LOT of men that fast, and therefore are not really the "take home to mom" kind of woman. It doesn't really matter how much time has passed since our grandmother's or great grandmother's day, men I think still have a tendancy to categorize women into "nice girls, relationship material" and "fun girls, just for sex girls."

    But more importantly than that, I think it hinders the weeding out process. If you sleep with a guy right away and get that rush of oxytocin, the bonding hormone that most women's brains explode with when we have sex, give birth and breast feed, then you want to spend more time getting to know this guy, and then it may take you a few weeks or a few months to figure out that all he was after was sex in the first place and he never really cared about you. But if you make it clear up front he's going to have to care about you and be your friend BEFORE he gets in your pants, then the ones who just want a warm hunk of meat slink away right away and then you don't have to waste any time with them. That's of course, assuming that you WANT a relationship, and don't want just sex. If you just want sex and don't care what the guy thinks of you, then I guess it doesn't really matter, as long as you're safe for health's sake.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 10-01-2009 at 08:01 AM.

     
    Old 10-01-2009, 09:21 AM   #7
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    Re: being intimate too soon?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by digmusic View Post
    I feel like I'm kind of monopolizing the boards lately, so I promise I'll chill with the posts after this. This is a common issue, and I'm just wanting everyone's opinion - what do you think about being intimate early on in a relationship? As in, sleeping together within the first week of knowing somebody? I do this sometimes. I think my reasons for doing it are okay - i don't do it because i want to get attention or i desperately want someone to like me, I do it because I tend to get a little, um, excited, and I'm very passionate about that kind of stuff. I kind of have a man's sex drive with a woman's emotions, and it's very complicated. Anyway, I have had relationships come out of that, or things will fizzle out very quickly. Do you think that most men quickly eliminate a woman from the serious category if she sleeps with him very early on, even if he likes her personality? If so, what do you think is the appropriate amount of time to wait, or how many dates?
    I understand completely and also have had a man's sex drive but I can also treat the situation like a man(not getting emotionally attached). It would depend on the man, but alot of the time some men find it hard to remove a women form the friends with benefits category to the girlfriend category. I would suggest that once meeting a guy that you think may be bf material waiting 90 days before taking the relationship further.

     
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