It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 10-15-2009, 09:01 PM   #1
    mko555
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2009
    Posts: 3
    mko555 HB User
    Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Hello,

    I'm in about a year-long relationship with my boyfriend and we are extremely serious; we both truly believe we are going to be together forever. I know this is unusual considering that we're only in our late teens (he's a year older), but we just know we'll get married, have kids, and grow old together. I'm really happy with my relationship, except for the fact that I get extremely, extremely jealous, angry and upset when I think about him getting turned on by other girls.

    Let me explain how this started to come up.
    My boyfriend works at a restaurant with lots of other girls my age or younger, and he was telling me how one of these girls came in the other night (not working, just to get food). He said that he was surprised at how good-looking she was and how big her boobs were, and that he got really horny and couldn't stop noticing her boobs. He said he couldn't stop thinking about them and couldn't stop thinking about my boobs and how he really wanted to lick mine, and how he was thinking about licking hers, but when he said that last part about licking hers he right away said that he knew he wasn't allowed to do that so he put a stop to thinking about it. When he told me about that he said something along the lines of how hers were pretty big, and mine are small; I took that to mean that he didn't find me as attractive as the other girl and got really upset, but he says that he didn't mean it like that at all and that he loves my boobs.

    As background info, in the past he has usually been the one to initiate sex. I ended up enjoying it but never really wanted to do it, I think maybe because there's always some pain when he enters me. Anyway, recently I started wanting to have sex a lot more (I don't know why, I just have). Also, my boyfriend has always looked at porn, and I have too, just because it turns us on and we like masturbating to it.

    He's always talked about how he fantasizes about having a threesome, or even having sex with other girls (he says that he never would, of course, because he loves me so much and he would never do that to me). The only thing that bothers me is that I know he thinks about it, and gets turned on by other girls.

    The other major thing that bothers me is him watching porn. Don't get me wrong, I like watching porn too, but I only watch it if he isn't available to do things with. He, however, just really enjoys watching it even when he's with me. He says he watches it because he gets turned on by the girls' bodies as they have sex, which really upsets me, and recently he says it's been difficult to orgasm from sex with me, and he actually asks if it's ok to go masturbate to porn instead.

    I think that I might just be insecure because I know pretty much all guys masturbate to porn, but it just really upsets me how I can't turn him on enough to orgasm during sex, and he actually enjoys watching porn more. I hate when we're together and we see other good-looking girls, because I know that he finds them attractive, and I just can't stand that. I don't know what to do, I'm so bothered by it all, especially the porn. We've talked about this a lot, but he says he doesn't know what to do because he gets horny and wants to orgasm but it's difficult through sex. He doesn't think I should be upset about him watching porn.

    I don't know how to make myself ok with him watching porn and finding other girls attractive. Please help

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 10-16-2009, 06:38 AM   #2
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,256
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    you don't have to make yourself ok with it.....
    if you're not ok with if you don't have to tolerate it.
    don't try to change your values and your feelings to keep this guy
    there's plenty of other guys out there.
    the way he talks about other girls shows he's immature and it's also disrespectful. A respectful guy wouldn't say those things.

     
    Old 10-16-2009, 01:58 PM   #3
    xpcandy
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2008
    Posts: 220
    xpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Once again "what kind of moron says something like that" to their girlfriend?
    __________________
    *I rest my case!*
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 10-16-2009, 06:24 PM   #4
    chocolate29
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2002
    Location: Texas
    Posts: 422
    chocolate29 HB Userchocolate29 HB Userchocolate29 HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    He seems like an idiot who has absolutely no control over his horniness.
    I could never be with a guy like that, I don't know how you put up with it.
    If my man ever mentioned a threesome to me I'd slap his face and kick him out.
    If he ever told me the stuff he's told you I'd do the same.
    He sounds like an extremely immature moron who needs to get his heart broken a few times yet and has lots of growing up to do.
    I think you just might deserve someone um....I don't know, a little better?
    __________________
    If you expect the unexpected do you get what you expected if what you get is unexpected?

     
    Old 10-16-2009, 07:34 PM   #5
    Tenacious
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Tenacious's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2003
    Location: USA
    Posts: 253
    Tenacious HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    The 2 things that strike me is he talks about threesomes but says he won't do that -because of you, but you KNOW he wants in reality to try this, chances are as long as he loves porn this much& speaks so freely about other women's boobs, etc , eventually he will want to go there & do that. And him not being able to have an orgasm without the porn, this is not good. He is surely too addicted to something that is replacing the real woman in his life -you. You derserve better. You need to share with him how you really really feel and see if he can learn to resepct your feelings and take it from there, but if not, there are better men to be found. Not all men jack off to porn, mostly single men who do not have a girlfriend or one who is not available enough for their needs, but in replacement, Oh that is a real NO NO, no woman should dare tolerate.

     
    Old 10-16-2009, 07:59 PM   #6
    AnnD
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Posts: 2,365
    AnnD HB UserAnnD HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    It might not seem like it but you both are going to grow and change. How you feel about something or someone today will not be the same way a year from now. You two have a lot of growing to do...and you both are going to change the way you think about things it is a fact of life and that is going to happen no matter what. It is obvious he thinks of you as his best friend and perhaps he doesn't understand that he isn't suppose to tell you/his girlfriend about his thoughts of other girls...you will have to educate him on what you want to hear and what you don't want to hear. He doesn't sound stupid or ignorant he just sounds like he is young and just doesn't know any better and I am guessing just tells you whatever is on his mind so you might need to gently educate him. It isn't going to stop him from thinking about boobs or watching porn alone or doing other things cuz he is going to anyway but most guys learn to keep it to themselves...and once they mature enough they stop most of it as they grow out of that need. I wish the two of you the best as you age and hoping you grow old together.

     
    Old 10-16-2009, 11:43 PM   #7
    writeleft
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2008
    Posts: 5,099
    writeleft HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    If your boyfriend, who is still in his late teens, cannot orgasm to sex with a real person, and must rely on porn...he has a real sexual problem that you cannot fix.

    The reason you are having concerns is because this is not the right person for you, so listen to your heart and mind-it's trying to tell you something you already know.

    I would wait until the right man comes along, and that take time and experience...don't settle for anything less.

     
    Old 10-17-2009, 05:12 AM   #8
    Belly Kelly
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Belly Kelly's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2008
    Location: USA
    Posts: 856
    Belly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Oh dear! You need to know that yes, men will fantasize about other women but MOST don't talk about it to the extent like your boyfriend does. What he says to you is just disrespectful.

    My hubby and I have been married for 6 years and together for 10 years. We also will watch porn together at times to spice things up, but NEVER does he ask to watch porn b/c he can't orgasm from having sex with me.

    I totally agree with writeleft, he has a sexual problem if he is in his late teens and is having problems orgasming without porn. That is a problem!

    You need to get it out of your mind that he is the right person for you. People change as they get older and you will both change a lot by age 21 and even more by age 25.

    His behavior is downright disrespectful - you deserve better.

     
    Old 10-17-2009, 11:46 AM   #9
    mko555
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2009
    Posts: 3
    mko555 HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Thank you all for your advice and input, I really appreciate it.

    I have since I posted this talked with my boyfriend about everything, and I believe we have cleared everything up.


    He said that the only reason he had difficulty orgasming from pure sex is because the couple days before that we had been having a lot of sex because for whatever reason I was just very aroused, pretty much all the time, and I didn't realize that having so much sex made it hard to orgasm because he just wasn't that horny, which I can understand.

    Also he really does feel bad for saying those things, he didn't realize how the size of one's breasts is almost like an indication of status; I know that's not how it should be, but I guess that's how I've been raised. So when he was saying that the other girl had really big breasts, then said mine were kinda small, I thought he meant that she was more attractive than me but that's not what he meant at all.

    Also, since that post we've been having really good sex, and everything is back to normal. I still don't like the thought of him getting turned on by other girls, but he has said numerous times that even if he finds another girl attractive, a) she is never as attractive as I am (he's so nice ) and b) he would never ever do anything with them because he loves me, and if he is turned on by someone else it doesn't mean that he has any kind of emotional feelings towards her. The attraction is there but it is comletely meaningless.

    As for porn, it's a lot like the paragraph above. He gets turned on by the girls but doesn't want to actually do anything with them, he just watches it to get turned on, not to fantasize about doing anything with them.



    I'd like to apologize to everyone for making my boyfriend sound like an insensitive, rude, filthy pig who doesn't care about or respect me, because that couldn't be farther from the truth. I think a lot of that was me misinterpreting what he said, and I just let my insecurities take over from there. But thank you everyone who cared enough to offer me advice on what I should do I appreciate it

     
    Old 10-17-2009, 12:33 PM   #10
    justkeeppraying
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2006
    Posts: 122
    justkeeppraying HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    You say everything has been cleared and the sex is good and back to normal now in a time span of 1 day?! Is that enough time to even determine if there has been an improvement?

    A complete turnaround, I suppose. I'm happy for you, though

    Last edited by justkeeppraying; 10-17-2009 at 01:15 PM.

     
    Old 10-17-2009, 01:25 PM   #11
    mko555
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2009
    Posts: 3
    mko555 HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    I know, it sounds silly, but it's happened with my boyfriend before that he says something and I take it completely the wrong way. When I really talked with him about this issue he was completely surprised when I said that he made me feel unattractive because he was having difficulty orgasming; he said we were just doing it too often! Also, unfortunately sometimes I tend to forget how much he truly cares about me...

    Plus, I've found that if something's bothering me I tend to obsess over it and keep thinking about over and over again, and a lot of time I end up turning what is actually a small problem or issue into a huge, depressing issue. I'm trying to work on that because I find that I become unhappy when there's no need to be.

    Anyway, there's some insight into myself haha

     
    Old 10-18-2009, 12:00 AM   #12
    writeleft
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2008
    Posts: 5,099
    writeleft HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    This is what I would call "justifying".

     
    Old 10-19-2009, 07:03 AM   #13
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,256
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mko555 View Post
    I know, it sounds silly, but it's happened with my boyfriend before that he says something and I take it completely the wrong way.
    don't start blaming yourself for his lack of respect

     
    Old 10-19-2009, 02:55 PM   #14
    Tubular
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2008
    Location: Centrailia
    Posts: 107
    Tubular HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Who the hell says that! In that much detail! Even if you thought that about another woman, you don't say that to your gf!

    He sounds like a clueless a-hole. Ditch him for someone who is not addicted to porn and who doesn't lust in detail for other women.

    I mean, I think it's normal and healthy for people to have an active sex drive, and maybe they look at other people and think...wow...she/he is attractive...but not details like licking boobs and stuff! Good lawd!

     
    Old 10-19-2009, 03:01 PM   #15
    xpcandy
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2008
    Posts: 220
    xpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB Userxpcandy HB User
    Re: Jealous that my boyfriend gets aroused by other women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tubular View Post
    Who the hell says that! In that much detail! Even if you thought that about another woman, you don't say that to your gf!

    He sounds like a clueless a-hole. Ditch him for someone who is not addicted to porn and who doesn't lust in detail for other women.

    I mean, I think it's normal and healthy for people to have an active sex drive, and maybe they look at other people and think...wow...she/he is attractive...but not details like licking boobs and stuff! Good lawd!
    Absolutely good lawd! It's not so bad that he's thinking about these things...it's just he went and told you all his thoughts that so freakin' bizarre! I mean people think about stuff all the time but you don't go and spell it out. What if I went to my husband and told him "OMG I saw the hottest man at the Auto parts store today...I wanted to hop on him and go to town"...HOW CRAZY WOULD THAT BE?!
    __________________
    *I rest my case!*
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Feeling jealous and insecure in my relationship River rocks Relationship Health 8 01-14-2010 04:39 PM
    Am i jealous to husband's exs? genieindabottle Relationship Health 31 07-12-2009 10:43 PM
    What's up with my "friend"? Is she jealous? JennyLee123 Relationship Health 10 05-08-2008 03:18 PM
    ~Why are girls jealous of other girls?~ Ali6699 Teen Health 9 03-12-2008 08:54 PM
    I'm jealous for no reason right? Im_Robyn Relationship Health 18 10-04-2004 06:20 AM

    Tags
    boyfriend, insecure, porn, sex



    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:13 AM.





    2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!