In serious need of advice...Age difference relationship

11-11-2009, 12:22 PM

I have been seeing someone for almost a year. The age difference is 13 years, I am the older "woman"! He pursuded me very heavily and we started dating. I was always honest and upfront about my age and children! Things were great and moving along just fine and a couple of month's into it he broke up after stating I made him want children after he didn't want any! By this time we had professed our love to one another! We broke up anyway, he needed space and time...we got back together! EVERY month for the last 9 month's we get back together, love like crazy, completly happy and at ease and BAM, he claim's that it's not fair to keep doing this to one another when he can't give me what I want or need and vice versa! In this time, this person convinced me that ALL of my friend's were crazy or unstable, therefore for our happiness I gave them all up! He is very selfish and thinks of only himself! This past month that we were together was great, with all the outside interferences gone from our lives (well, mine i should say) we got along even better than before and then all of the sudden, AGAIN, he get's cold feet! I don't know what else to do for this person, I have given him everything that he could possibly want and desire but he always get's to this point! I have told him to give me up, let me go and he say's he can't! I am confused as to a person loving someone one day and the very next, it's not fair anymore! He will never come out and outright end it, it's always let it go for now or not right now...Any advice would be appreciated and I know better! I am older and shouldn't take this from anyone! I do love him, very much and believe's that he may love me!

11-11-2009, 12:27 PM

YOU make the decision to stop letting him yank your chain.....
this madness will continue as long as you allow it.....
cut him loose once and for all, by now you should know that history repeats itself and this will happen again and again and again into infinity

11-11-2009, 12:41 PM

I know that I have to be the one to stop the madness...I seriously have had lasting and true relationships! Could one person really be that scared, if they have never had a complete love before? This person doesn't have a lot of friends and still very controlled by his family! Even at his age...doesn't someone that wan'ts it over just say it?

11-11-2009, 12:58 PM

he sounds very controlling wanting to isolate you from all your friends.
does he ever fly into rages and does it seem like a love-hate relationship or are the breakups just calm and rational?

11-11-2009, 01:14 PM

That's the saddest thing of all, he found fault in every single friend that I had and I have let them all go! So yes, he is very controlling and doesn't fly into a fit of rage! Everything can be great and wonderful, I am serious when I say that! When we are together, it is simple, not fighting (we actually NEVER fight or have agruements), relaxed and generally quite pure! When he tells me he loves me, misses me I feel it and see it in his face! I do believe the age difference is a real issue for him! He is still very much under his families thumb even though he has his own job and makes his own money and lives on his own! His family can say one thing to him and ruin his whole day! But at every turn, especially when we get comfortable and just about to possibly make a real turn and next step in this relationship he does this! Month after month! It is the same thing, never a real ending just that we need space and time! It's not even about the sex. We have intamacy, but not like one would think in a older woman/younger man relationship! That's where I get really confused! We get along so well without that and it's very mutual when we are together! We just "get" each other, but he runs scared every single time! I am at a loss and I can not understand it! After almost a year, you would think that I would be used to it! I am NOT! Everytime we get back together it is better than the last time and it always comes to this! I am lost!

11-11-2009, 01:23 PM

I'd get off the merry go round if I were you. You're just wasting your time at this point. Just like me, you're not getting any younger and for those of us over 30, if we are looking for serious long term, we can't waste our time with these pathetic guys who won't make up their minds. We don't have the luxury of time on our side as we did in our 20s. So, quit wasting your time and find someone who won't be such a major flake.

11-11-2009, 01:30 PM

Lose this loser...ditto to everything Kszan said and the others too.

This guy is a flake and you are wasting your time. If you hang on to this relationship, you deserve what you'll get....more unhappiness and heartache and wasted time.

11-11-2009, 01:52 PM

Thank you all for you words of wisdom. Do you think that it is possible that he is truly scared of love and being loved so completly? Said that he didn't ever feel loved as a child and his parents still dictate his life! Could he really just be that guarded and when he get's truly happy he doesn't think he deserves it? He has stated that he doesn't believe he deserves happiness or love!

11-11-2009, 01:53 PM

don't try to figure out his problem......been there done that

it's not worth the time you spend psycoanalyzing him

move on......

11-11-2009, 02:03 PM

Everytime, I try to figure out what went wrong this time! It is exhausting! I don't understand the happiness and love we share to this! How can a person do that to another person and just not man up and end it! But I know that I am in the one that truly has to end it, because he has it made with ending it and knowing that i will always come back! I always wonder "if this time he really means it" and this time he may! But for almost a year now, we can't seem to stop this! GRRRRRR

11-11-2009, 02:16 PM

I had to LOL.....
you want him to "man up", but he's incapable of it......he's just a mere boy

11-11-2009, 02:37 PM

i had to actually laugh as well...i know i will have no problems ever finding another "man" to be with! I am in very good shape and look very young for my age! Since my divorce, I have only dated "younger" men, I don't attract men my age and is frustrating and having that stigma of being a cougar! That is far from what I am but I really did fall in love with this narsassitic, controlling and selfish man! I am better than this and have to find a way to get past this once and for all! I have went back to him at every turn! cleaned his home, folded his clothing, everything and I try to justify why i wasn't good enough for him! it's bizarre to say the least! He has a control over me and it's not healthy in the least! How could I have been so wrong about someone and think that he loved me and tried to make excuses because he was scared! He is incapable of love, because he loves only himself! Everything is about "him", for goodness sakes, he isn't even 30 yet and he is "older" than me! I can run circles around him!

11-11-2009, 02:43 PM

reminds me of a book I just saw advertised....
it's called "It's all about him" (guide to dealing with the narcississtic man) (or something like that)

11-11-2009, 02:47 PM

Really? I have never heard of that book...I will need to look it up for sure!

11-11-2009, 02:51 PM

I just checked.....here's the name

It's All About Him: How to Identify and Avoid the Narcissist Male by Lisa E. Scott

In serious need of advice...Age difference relationship

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