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First date went well! Recap and a couple of concerns...

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Old 12-15-2009, 11:43 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2007
Location: wooster, ohio, usa
Posts: 59
calypso HB User
First date went well! Recap and a couple of concerns...

This is a little long, but not that long, haha...

Well a few days ago, I had a thread about my upcoming first date and was seeking some advice. Now that the date has happened, I would like to recap it and ask for some guidance/thoughts.

I picked her up from the airport (for those not knowing, she flew halfway across the country for our first date, but I DO live near her, just am away for a couple more weeks) and we went and got something to eat. Kept convo light and funny, like it has been anyways (from phone talks etc). We then went on a jog together, got back to hotel, layed with each other for a few minutes before going out on the town. We made out a little and took some funny pictures of ourselves. Got back to the hotel and went to bed pretty quickly. The next morning, we cuddled for a good 3 hours, which was nice. Then headed out to breakfast and the beach before I had to take her back to the airport to go back home. We both agreed we enjoyed each others company and we would hang out again; she even said she wants to have me over for NY eve. Sounds all good right? Let me address some potential concerns...

My history with women is such: I have had 4 LTR's with women (1-2 years) and a couple 3 month flings. EVERY SINGLE GIRL I HAVE DATED OR WENT OUT WITH IS FROM A BROKEN HOME, HAS FAMILY/DADDY ISSUES, MASSIVELY INSECURE, ETC. All of these girls I have dated in my past have complained that I wasn't emotional enough for them and hence most of them broke up with me. This girl I went on a date with has told me she has anxiety issues, she has no dad essentially, low self-esteem, and is over-analytical. Her history with guys has been just 1 bf and 9 years worth of booty calls.

Right now, she is seeing a counselor for her problems. She also told me she is not looking for a booty call (to which I told her Im looking for relationship material.) We are on the same page there. We have been showing an equal amount of attraction and giddyness for one another. Etc etc. Well my concerns lie in the fact I think I could be messing with the wrong type of girl again. Just a couple days ago, I told her Im not looking at anyone else to which she replied she wasn't either. But she DID tell me her initial thoughts were that I was being too emotional (or something similar to that) but she had to snap out of it, read it again, and realize she DID like what I said and then said she was appreciative of my expressions.

Basically, in a nutshell, I feel like there's a chance I could be dealing with someone who just is not ready for everything normal that happens in a relationship. She wants one ultimately, but I think has a lot of hangups; a lot of them I am just assuming she has. Even on our date, when I kissed he in public, she later admitted she wasn't her usual self because she was thinking people were watching, though she did say I was "helping."

Do I just let this continue to play itself out and see what comes of it? I really like her, and I like she is pro-active in trying to eliminate her issues. But I have been down this road so much with girls from this background, and not to mention this new girl has almost zero experience on what it takes to be a gf (though she does want to be...and eventually wife.)

Advice? Thoughts? Sorry for the length.

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Old 12-16-2009, 05:50 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: First date went well! Recap and a couple of concerns...

I'd let it play out, relax and try and have some fun. You've only had one date, and you're posting about girlfriend and wife !!!

I might also add -- since I'm aware of your prior thread and actually posted on that one, too -- that as an outsider looking at this, most of the phrases you used to describe her could be said about you too. Examples of this:

She has anxiety? Did she post on a public message board to a bunch of internet strangers wondering what level of hygiene she should use for her first date ... like somebody else we know?

Over-analytical she is, eh? Read your post again. 'Nuff said.

You believe she has low self-esteem? Guys who are confident and have high self-esteem (well, women, too) don't need internet strangers to encourage them to use deodorant and shower before a date.

All in all, it sounds like you both are equally whacky and my prediction is you will do wonderfully together. You just need to relax and enjoy dating, see where it goes. If she's too much or not enough of what you need, work on it or move on. But don't throw stones from within that glass house.

Last edited by StenoLady1; 12-16-2009 at 05:52 AM.

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