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    Old 01-17-2010, 10:17 PM   #1
    flow25
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    Question spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Ok, so i have been cheated on alot in the past and due to that fact, i have a hard time trusting people. I always question what people are really doing and if there telling me the truth about where they are or who there with.. So ive been hearing alot about cellphone tracking and spying. < edited > I have been tracking my boyfriends cellphone location for the last 2 days. So far i havent seen anything unusual but i've been thinking... is this going too far? He doesn't know im doing this and im not going to tell him. I know he talks to his ex girlfriend that he dated for 3 years and he says there just good friends now.. i said its fine if they talk but i better not catch him hanging out with her. Lately i found out they have been talking alot.. So do i have the right to track his cell phone, or do you think this is stepping over boundaries?

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    Old 01-17-2010, 11:01 PM   #2
    Kszan
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    What do you think is the answer? Put yourself in his position for a minute. How would YOU feel if you had no idea he was tracking your phone and you're totally oblivious that he is so insecure that he would do something as stalkerish as that to you when you haven't even done anything to make him suspect you of anything?

    You probably better hope he never finds out about this tracking thing. If he does, you're totally screwed because he will be really mad and I'm sure he will break up with you for invading his privacy like that.

    Last edited by Kszan; 01-17-2010 at 11:03 PM.

     
    Old 01-18-2010, 05:15 AM   #3
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    I don't think it's right to look at someone's personal stuff...BUUUUT...what he's doing is suspicious. Here's what I'd say...you can bet your sweet *** that he and his ex are seeing eachother unless she lives many miles away! So can you continue a relationship with this guy? I'd say I wouldn't!

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    Old 01-22-2010, 10:07 AM   #4
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by flow25 View Post
    Ok, so i have been cheated on alot in the past and due to that fact, i have a hard time trusting people. I always question what people are really doing and if there telling me the truth about where they are or who there with.. So ive been hearing alot about cellphone tracking and spying. < edited > I have been tracking my boyfriends cellphone location for the last 2 days. So far i havent seen anything unusual but i've been thinking... is this going too far? He doesn't know im doing this and im not going to tell him. I know he talks to his ex girlfriend that he dated for 3 years and he says there just good friends now.. i said its fine if they talk but i better not catch him hanging out with her. Lately i found out they have been talking alot.. So do i have the right to track his cell phone, or do you think this is stepping over boundaries?
    You say that it's fine that your b/f and his ex talk.However,you're keeping tabs on his cellphone,what gives?I do think that you're going too far.What happens when he finds out(which he might)what then?He most likely will go to his ex,so either way you lose...Why the issues with trusting people?

     
    Old 01-22-2010, 11:50 AM   #5
    caberg
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    1. No, it's not OK to spy on him like you're doing. If you feel the need to track him via cell phone, then your relationship will never make it.

    2. No, it's not OK for him to be talking to his ex and be "just good friends." Sorry, I'll never buy that someone is "just good friends" with an ex who was a long-term relationship. That only works in the movies or on sitcoms.

    Still, number 2 (the ex) does not justify number 1 (spying). I personally don't think any sort of spying has any place in a relationship.

     
    Old 01-22-2010, 02:06 PM   #6
    BigRed54
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Spying is wrong. Period. If you are insecure, then you need to work on YOU, and learn to trust your ability to pick someone who won't cheat on you. It's very unfair to throw your insecurity onto someone else.

    As far as the ex being a friend, yes, it is possible. That's a personal issue, and there is no one answer that works for everyone. I do know of people who can be just friends with an ex, but it would make me uncomfortable personally. If there are kids involved, obviously ex's have to maintain contact and friendly contact is best. I personally would have an issue with my man talking on the phone with his ex a lot for reasons other than the kids, or with them doing more than just running into each other in social situations. However, some people won't have those reservations. More power to them.

     
    Old 01-23-2010, 12:26 PM   #7
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    I do think having his cell phone tracked like this is crossing a line. If you feel you have to do this, then the relationship has no trust and it's already doomed.

    I also think that exes who just can't stay away from each other, especially when there are no children involved, stay in each other's lives because one or neither of them have moved on. Think about it. Have you ever had an ex that you thought was just a really great person and kept as a good friend with absolutely no desire and no hope of ever sleeping with him or having another chance with him again somewhere down the line? Understanding and being perfectly ok with the fact tha tyou can no longer be the primary female in his life but being ok with having him just as a stricly platonic good buddy? I didn't think so.

    The question here is...is he trustworthy? You should know by now. At the end of the day, do you really, honestly believe he would do that to you? If no, then you don't need to track his cell phone. If yes, then you shouldn't be with him in the first place.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 01-23-2010 at 12:27 PM.

     
    Old 02-14-2010, 06:41 AM   #8
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    I think it's fine i do it all the time. just wait till he is asleep. you would be amazed at what you will find.!!!

     
    Old 02-15-2010, 06:31 AM   #9
    Idris
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Are you kidding me? I disagree. Absolutely not Ok. Why do you need to track/spy/stalk your boyfriend? Ok, you have trust issues, I understand. But you need to work on you. Spying on your bf will not solve anything. Also why would you want to put YOURSELF thru that?! Is that how you want to live your life? Going thru his phone and keeping tabs of his whereabouts TO FEEL SECURE? Not the way to live life. Personally, that would drive me mad.

    Not only are you invading his privacy and personal space, but this is really not healthy behavior on your part.

    I dated this guy in the past and he cheated on me. We got back together hoping to "work it out." I tried but I couldn't. I would go thru his phone while he was in the shower or asleep. I would listen to his voicemail since I knew the password. I would try to eavesdrop when somebody would call. - I felt the need to know, to make sure that he was not cheating on me. Okay, take a step back... I was acting like a complete mad man. It came down to this: a) either accept what he did, forgive him and move on with our lives or b) if I cant, let it go.

    conclusion, I could not let it go. I did not trust him. I did not want to trust him so I just broke it off and moved on. I dont want to live my life going thru his phone! I dont want my happiness and "trust" to be dependent on what his phone records or text messages say!!!

    Relationships have risks. Yes there is a chance that someone will cheat on you but that is a risk you take. You take that chance and if they do hurt you, you let go and move on... and find someone who is deserving.

    Lastly, you are not "okay" with him talking to his ex. Just be honest with yourself and with him. Tell him you are not okay. I completely agree with Larrylou's mom. There is no need to be in touch with your ex unless you have a child. Keeping in touch with exes are common practice among young people though. I'm in college and my roommate feels the need to be in touch with her ex. I honestly do not see the point of keeping in touch with my exes. What is the point? When I get in a relationship, that is something I make perfectly clear. I am not okay with exes. If my guy cannot handle that, then he is not the right one for me. Some women are okay with it, and some arent. You are not (and its okay)- let him know. Be honest with him and yourself... and if your bf has problems with respecting your feelings and he still wants to keep in touch with his ex. There is the answer for you. See how easy that is? You dont even have to go thru this phone anymore. If he has a problem severing ties with his ex, that just lets you know how he feels. He obviously doesnt value your feelings enough. You need to decide if you will SETTLE for that and go thru his phone some more (and perpetuate this vicious insecurity cycle of yours) OR just break it off and find somebody else who respects and values your feelings.

    Please stop stalking him! It is really not healthy hun

     
    Old 02-15-2010, 07:06 AM   #10
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Living in doubt and anxiety is no way to live. Your boyfriend should be able to talk on the phone and go about his business without you giving it a second thought. The only thing you should be worried about is if he will get home safely when he's out, or that his phone is charged so you can call him to ask him to pick up some milk! If you're obsessing over what he's up to and who he's talking to, then there are serious issues that you need to work through:

    1. You are so scarred from your previous relationships that even if you meet a kind and loyal man you are at risk of sabotaging it with your suspicions

    2. There may be concrete reason for your suspicions in your current relationship. Whether or not his relationship with his ex is purely innocent or not is not for us to say. In any case it's driving you nuts and it needs to be sorted.

    Is your boyfriend easy to talk to and honest with you generally? Has he proven himself to be reliable and loyal to you in other respects?

    I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. Be honest and let him know that you find his relationship with his ex inappropriate. Whether it is innocent or not I can understand your frustration. I wouldn't like it if my bf was in constant contact with an ex, even though I trust my bf implicitly not to cheat. It would just annoy me and I would find it disrespectful to me. So see if you can explain your feelings in a calm and honest way, don't get upset or accuse him of anything. If he has nothing to hide and he is committed to building a future with you then you should be able to move on from this. If not, well, then I would doubt the innocence of his relationship with the ex.

    In any case, I think you would really benefit from some therapy to help you to come to terms with your past experiences and restore your ability to trust again.

    Let us know how it works out, and all the best!!

     
    Old 02-16-2010, 07:46 AM   #11
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goldenbronzer View Post
    I think it's fine i do it all the time. just wait till he is asleep. you would be amazed at what you will find.!!!
    Wow,some relationship you must have there!What makes it fine?What if he were to do that to you?I so disagree with your thinking.Instead of"sneaking and spying",try face to face communication,it does work...

     
    Old 02-18-2010, 04:03 AM   #12
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    I have done that and it causes much greater problems down the road. Loss of trust is really hard to recapture. You need to put your efforts into making yourself more secure, he will notice that and more positive results will occur for you. If all that energy is used in making yourself a better person, you wont have to worry because he will be chasing you. I have found that it is a great help to put yourself in the other persons "shoes", and how would it feel if they were doing it to you.

     
    Old 02-18-2010, 10:20 AM   #13
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Hello there. I think the best response to u in here was saying to u, how would YOU feel if someone was doing the exact same thing to you that ur doing to him??? That's when its easier for me to see my own situations sometimes. Switching places with the other person. I think u already know that, or u wouldn't have asked in here. Marla.

     
    Old 02-20-2010, 10:22 AM   #14
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    Re: spying on boyfriends cellphone

    Yea!! Go ahead and spy on your boyfriend's cell phone. You have my permission if it gives you back the confidence to attempt your second post here!.

    Hoop! ( Can you hear me now?)

     
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