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  • 23 married years lost because of webpages

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    Old 02-18-2010, 05:16 PM   #16
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    Re: 23 married years lost because of webpages

    CZ……… I honestly wish you the very best. I can only share my experience and please know what you are up against. About 12 years ago, I too found out about my wife (now ex) writing sexy worded letters to some guy across the country, via the internet. We talked about it and she told me that it was harmless and there was nothing more to it. The only thing that really changed was her sneakiness. No matter what I did, how I asked her to be reasonable, she would stop for a week or two, then it was over to a friends house or some internet café. (they were big back then)

    Your problem is much deeper then just the internet. In my case, my wife even told me that she was with me for so long, (16 years) that she wanted to know what it was like to be held by another. It got to the point where we separated and with-in two weeks, she invited her internet lover to visit her. As it turned out, he was also married and had absolutely no intentions of leaving his wife.

    After her affair, I was disgusted, filed for a divorce and never looked back. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her very, very much, and it was painful for awhile. I just couldn’t trust her anymore from the 9 months of lying, being sneaky, and the words that she would type to this man, whom she never met.

    My prayers are with you and understand that everyone is different. Some will try and try and never move on………while others are stronger and refuse to accept a back seat.

    I hope your wife cares to seek professional help............MGB

    Last edited by islandjohnny; 02-18-2010 at 05:20 PM.

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    Old 02-18-2010, 08:04 PM   #17
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    Re: 23 married years lost because of webpages

    Cz, I felt compelled to jump into this, sorry if Im out of line. Why is an internet affair any different then an in person affair? Its still lying, hiding and betraying your partner....I believe that everyone who suggested counseling is absolutely right- and I also believe that you will benefit from it as well, now that she agreed to go, because you now have TRUST issues with her. In order to save this marriage, you have a long haul ahead. You sound committed to trying though- you are to be admired for giving this a chance at all. It takes strength and an awful lot of committment to try one more time.

    But I also agree that you must remain steadfast and true to yourself...and if it means cutting off the internet service for a while, why not?? Our world is too "connected" anyway- without the internet at home we have to COMMUNICATE with EACH OTHER, which in my opinion is where most marriages fail....your wife is seeking something which is missing...maybe only in her mind- but in her mind, its a problem. That is what counseling will help you figure out....

    wishing you two the very best. Its really a shame that things got to this point...but if you really love her, and it sounds like you do- then I wish you the best.
    RRMS- dx 05

    Old 02-19-2010, 07:25 AM   #18
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    Re: 23 married years lost because of webpages

    CZ - After I caught my ex he was devastated and said he would stop going online. I believed him until he was on a business trip and he IM'd me online and I kept wondering why it was taking him so long to respond to me in the chat. That got me suspicious but I let it go because he told me he loved me and he'd never go back to his online affairs again. Then when I was on the phone with him while he was on another trip, I wondered why he wasn't talking much, and.... I could hear him typing. I got online to the trashy chatroom I caught him in originally and there he was....

    That was the end. He tried everything to fool me into thinking that it wasn't him in that chatroom. It's amazing how someone who is cheating can try to manipulate the obvious.

    What I realized is if I had not been paying attention I'd probably still be with this man while he was trying to cheat on me online. For me to ignore my gut instincts and not check up on this man would have been an injustice to me.

    A fresh start with someone who you feel is truly trying, who is showing you they love you and is doing everything to ensure that you can trust them is worthy of trying to forgive and trust. A person that continues to do things that make you feel "not right" means you must watch out for things you normally wouldn't give a second thought to.

    Some people simply don't change - that was the lesson I learned - no matter what you do to try to make it work

    Last edited by cathy1; 02-19-2010 at 07:26 AM.

    Old 02-28-2010, 11:09 PM   #19
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    Re: 23 married years lost because of webpages

    Hi. I pretty much think she already did make the decision. She has broken her marriage vows as far as I'm concerned. But YOU r married to her so YOU must decide. She may think u really won't leave her. U sound very loyal. Good for you! Don't change that wonderful quality. Save it for someone worthwhile of it. Don't allow her to destroy u with her selfishness. Marla

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