It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Is this a red flag?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 03-25-2010, 05:41 PM   #46
    meg4
    Member
    (female)
     
    meg4's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2010
    Posts: 50
    meg4 HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Idris View Post
    He needs to be more concerned about doing his job as opposed to worrying about who tattled on him.

    I agree! That's what I told him last night. I son't see why he would jeapordize his reputation at work. He also told me that he talked to her Monday about all of this. She apparantly is going to HR to "find out how far this went".

    I don't know. I really, REALLY want to believe him. But something keeps nagging me inside. Why would they both be written up and HR notified of it was so innocent. And BTW last night he said no one else actually was talked to other than the two of them. Originally he told me there were others doing the same thing.

    The whole thing is begining to sound like a 2nd grade class mentalty, isn't it? Grown ups acting like children at work. Seriously.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 03-25-2010, 05:51 PM   #47
    meg4
    Member
    (female)
     
    meg4's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2010
    Posts: 50
    meg4 HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    Redneon-

    I have met her. The first time was over a year ago, at my boyfriend's company holiday dinner dance. Since then I've seen her a few times because she comes into the clinic I work for (she brings her son who is getting medical treatments). She sat in my office a month ago and chatted away, and every time she sees me she likes to mention my boyfriend. I know this is shallow but her appearance is so fake. She is in her late forties (close to my boyfriends age) and she has platnum bleached blonde hair. She has fake boobs, and the whole nine yards. BUT, and as awful as this is of me to say, she has "smokers face". Wrinkles that make her look 60, and a kind of sunkin in lips/mouth. She smells like smoke, its in her clothes. And sh has a raspy smokers voice. I am not picking on smokers...its just that the years of her smoking has really taken its toll on her face. Apparently she has lived a "life of hard knowcks" including drugs in the past. It shows.

     
    Old 03-25-2010, 07:06 PM   #48
    Redneon82
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Redneon82's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: California
    Posts: 2,093
    Redneon82 HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    Unfortunately, what she looks like might not matter. You should see the girl my ex took up with (and was cheating on me with)! She actually got mistaken for a boy by someone who's known him for years because she has the figure of a 10 year old boy and always wears baseball hats. The guy thought she was my ex's son! LOL!

    Anyway, I intended my point to be that he seems to be coming up with reasons (excuses?) to keep the three of you from getting together in a social setting (not a large group), rather than just you and her or her and him. The three of you. I wonder why he's objects, that's all.
    __________________
    "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

     
    Old 03-25-2010, 09:29 PM   #49
    nobodyknows
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    nobodyknows's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2001
    Location: ny ny usa
    Posts: 150
    nobodyknows HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    no what she looks like does not matter...
    look at jesse james' (aka sandra bullock's husb) gf, gal's got a tat right on her forehead no joke!
    i don't know why people think they have to keep an eye on the pretties, fuglies or plain janes can also be completely conniving and low-down.
    meg,
    i suggest you re-think this relat. i know you think you scored a victory by making him concede a point but he will always be bringing drama. he's laying blame on her (she's a busybody?) on other coworkers (they squealed).
    if he has 2 brain cells he would realize that dawn's "friendship" caused him problems at work, problems at work=end it. but no. he's causing more drama by getting in the mystery van at work trying to track down culprits. yeah grade school stuff.
    he risks his relat with you AND his job... really a very bad prospect for a husband so be glad you haven't gone there yet. you wouldn't want to be on here posting about how your husband might get fired because of an inappropriate workplace friendship.... don't put yourself in that position down the road...

     
    Old 03-26-2010, 06:01 AM   #50
    BeaTrade
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: US
    Posts: 796
    BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    Just had to chime in with the looks don't mean anything! My Ex's wife is the total 180 degrees of everything my ex "said" he liked in a woman. Actually other than the bleached out hair, your description pretty sounds just like the new wife! I remember he used to make fun of women with large fake boobs and his new wife has HUGE fake ones like Pam Anderson size. Not just normal sized real looking ones but total "shelves"!
    __________________
    My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

     
    Old 03-26-2010, 06:52 AM   #51
    Idris
    Member
    (female)
     
    Idris's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2010
    Posts: 71
    Idris HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    Melissa makes an excellent point. I think its absolutely RIDICULOUS that he went back to this girl and now they are trying to track down and figure out who is tattling on them!

    Nobodyknows makes a clear point
    Quote:
    if he has 2 brain cells he would realize that dawn's "friendship" caused him problems at work, problems at work=end it. but no. he's causing more drama by getting in the mystery van at work trying to track down culprits. yeah grade school stuff.
    This man is still defensive. Why is he making this a big deal? It makes him look guilty not to mention childish!!! What difference does it make as of who tattled? Both of them clearly have too much time on their hands and they are getting so caught up with this that they fail to realize they are missing the BIG picture.

    Also, I have learned... women have good instincts - don't ignore them! If he keeps discussing this with you, I would tell him real quick that its gotten ridiculous and he needs to focus on his job instead of trying to be Sherlock Holmes.

    Oh yeah, looks do NOT matter. One of my good guy friend cheated on his gf. She is fun, sassy, smart, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. The girl he was messing with.... EEww. Old,over weight, REDNECK and just plain nasty. She even had teeth missing! When I would ask him WHY - he simply said, that she made him feel good about himself while his gf didnt. She may look crazy or fugly but a man will settle if they are getting something from them that they dont get at home. I dated a guy in the past who cheated on me with this girl that looked so crazy. I never would have thought in a million years he would have messed with her. I asked him WHY - and he said she made him FEEL LIKE A MAN. I was independent, I acted like his mom, nothing he did was ever good enough... blah blah blah and even though she looked crazy... she stroked his ego and made him feel good about himself. And that he needed that. maybe true? but he was not going to blame that on me and make me feel like crap! So dont let the looks fool you!

     
    Old 03-26-2010, 10:23 AM   #52
    meg4
    Member
    (female)
     
    meg4's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2010
    Posts: 50
    meg4 HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    Thanks for your thoughts, everyone.

    I've thought about the whole "attractiveness" thing and cheating before. And you are all right, it hardley ever comes down to looks, but how the other woman makes them feel. The thing is though, I think some men (and women of course but not as often women) have egos that never seem to be satisfied.

    When I first got together with my boyfriend, he was completely blown away at the attention and love and his ego was boosted because I was (and still am) affectionate, in a way he missed in his life before. I do know he loves/needs to feel needed. I think it was this boost that made him fall in love with me. Now, three + years later, I still do all of the above, but, I also have learned to balance my life and take care of my daughter, and myself. I am not as "hyper focused" on him like I was in the fatuation stages.

    I think my boyfriend likes and is drawn to people, especially women, who outwardly show him their appreciation and let him know Wow, you are something! I imagine this is what Dawn does for his ego. Even though I still do those things, he still likes it from any source it comes from.

    I have to decide if I can live the rest of my life with a man who will always crave more ego feeding than what he gets with me. because this is not the first time and like it was said before here, probably not the last.

    Thanks all...

    Last edited by meg4; 03-26-2010 at 10:26 AM.

     
    Old 03-26-2010, 10:26 AM   #53
    nobodyknows
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    nobodyknows's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2001
    Location: ny ny usa
    Posts: 150
    nobodyknows HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    men almost invariably cheat DOWN, as far as looks go, i can see we've all had this experience

     
    Old 03-26-2010, 07:25 PM   #54
    justmel30
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    justmel30's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2010
    Posts: 969
    justmel30 HB User
    Re: Is this a red flag?

    I was watching dr. oz a couple few weeks ago, and he was talking about that very thing. He said that most men will admit that the person they cheated with was not better looking then their significant other and that the whole thing had nothing to do with looks at all. And even more surprisingly then that, like 90% said it wasn't about the sex either. They said that they didn't feel important at home anymore, but with this other person, they did. But I believe it was just men in committed relationships they talked to which kind of puts it in a different context. There are allways the eternal single guys who cheat and lie, lie and cheat, and it is never anything more then about the looks and the sex.

    Last edited by justmel30; 03-26-2010 at 07:28 PM.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    OMG raise the flag.. a small miracle 8MileSky TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint 19 06-06-2004 07:38 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:27 AM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!