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  • my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

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    Old 03-27-2010, 03:40 AM   #1
    tom000107
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    Unhappy my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    so i have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 months now and she says that she doesn't fell comfortable with me alone. I'm really confused and was wondering what everyone else thought about this and if you guys had any advice for me
    below is exactly what she said

    i dnt like meeting just me n a boy i dnt feel right i feel uncomfortable and i dnt like it that is why i would rather go out as a group. i feel like we dnt have a lot in common and would lack in things to talk about this is why i aviod meeting up. i never met any of my other bf coz i didnt feel right. that is just me some girls can go out wit they bf and dnt care but i worry about it i dnt like it and i feel under pressure this is why i would like to meet as a group rather then just me n you

    any help would be appreciated here thanks

     
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    Old 03-27-2010, 04:45 AM   #2
    Belly Kelly
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    how old are you guys? She sounds just young and inexperienced. She isn't ready for a real boyfriend, only having the title of one.

    It also sounds like she doesn't want the pressure of being along with you b/c she isn't ready to be intimate, if that makes any sense. Not necessarily with sex, but just getting to know you better and on a more personal level. If you really like her, then just take it slow and give it time.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 07:18 AM   #3
    tom000107
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    I'm 15 she is 16 so still very young and yeah i think i see what your saying i think i might be expecting to much because i see other couples around school and i just imagine we are going to be like that straight away.

    i don't mean alone together in a sexual way i mean like cuddling up, watching a film, being able to talk to her when no one is around these things i cherish, just quality time with her if you get me

    Last edited by tom000107; 03-27-2010 at 07:21 AM.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 09:22 AM   #4
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    Well, if she's not comfortable with it, she's not comfortable with it. She does sound very inexperienced and sheltered, which is ok, not judging her. But if she's just not ready, there's really nothing you can do about it. If she's had this issue with other boys as well, then you may want to give her more time, but I'm not sure that will help all that much. This is just how she deals with dating boys. She doesn't want to date one on one, and only she can make the decision to change. A little more time of showing her what an honest, respectful, terrific guy you are might help, but it might not. But be an honest, respectful, terrific guy anyway. It'll be good practice for the next girl if this doesn't work out. I always say, you should always be the kind of man you would want your daughter (or in your case, your unborn future daughter) to date.

    Just don't pressure her. Give her a little more time and if she still doesn't want to be alone with you, then you may to consider letting her go and finding a girl who is more compatible with your relationship style and wants. It may be painful for her if that happens, but a hard and important lesson. She's at a stage of life where she really needs to start learning how to deal with and handle herself with boys/men one on one.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 09:39 AM   #5
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    yeah i can see what you are saying Larrylou'smom perhaps time is the key in this. an update on this situation i was talking to her earlier on about it and i told her i understand if she isn't comfortable meeting alone (even if i am still a bit confused) and i got this reply

    i have had such hard times with boys and relationships i find it difficult to express my feelings coz i have had my heart broke so many times and it hurts. but i know there is some thing between me n u. and i want to make this work so much but i find it hard to trust boys with my feelings. it is nothing to do with u i just have been hurt so many times and i dnt want it to effect me for the rest of my life i just fine if difficult to express myself. i know it sounds like excuse but its the truth.

    i know what she is saying but i would still like your opinion on it seen as you are female i think you would understand it more.

    many thanks.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 09:51 AM   #6
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    Ok, so it sounds like she's just really gun shy. She's been hurt before and doesn't want to be hurt again, that's understandable. But goodness, she's only 16!! Chances are good that she will have her heart broken many many times, and even break a heart or two, before she finds the man she will marry. But that's many many years off.

    This is really her issue to work through. It's her baggage to clean up. I hope she can. In the meantime, the only thing you can really do is just be honest and respectful to her. Let her know you care about her and that you will be honest and respectful to her. Don't ever lie to her, that's most important. I mean, even if something should happen that would hurt her, there are ways of telling her the truth without causing her as much pain as you might. Like, if a few months down the road, you're just sort of done with the whole "I can't be alone with you" thing, and you meet a really cute, fun girl you want to hang out with, you can let her know without hurting her so much. Instead of just coming out and saying "I met someone I like better" you can still be honest and say "it seems you're not comfortable with this and I think we should take time apart, see other people, etc." Honesty tempered with sincere respect is the key here. The rest is up to her.

     
    Old 03-27-2010, 10:10 AM   #7
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    yep i can see what you are saying. there's nothing i can do apart from give her the time she needs to become comfortable with me. its her mind set and i cant change it i can just be a good boyfriend to her and wait for her. i don't think she understands that it does hurt knowing that your gf wont spend time with you and there's only so long i can wait before i will ave to let her go even though it will hurt. but for know Il give her time to adjust to being with me.

     
    Old 03-28-2010, 08:24 AM   #8
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    you need to be patient and treat this girl with "kid gloves"
    If you really care about her be patient. You have to gain her trust, but don't play with her emotions. If you really don't want a relationship with her, don't lead her on.

     
    Old 03-28-2010, 09:33 AM   #9
    tom000107
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    Re: my girlfriend says she is not comfortable with me alone

    i'm fully committed to this relationship and i have realised now that its going to take time before ive gained her trust. i have never felt this way about a girl before and i know people always say that but i mean it with all my heart. i have also realised im making a big deal out of something quite small and i just need to give her the time she needs to adjust herself to being with me.

    i would just like to say thank you for your help and advice i don't get it from my friends they don't understand where as you guys what your saying makes perfect sense

     
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