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How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

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Old 04-03-2010, 09:08 AM   #1
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How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

Ok, if this is a long post...I apologize but I'm hoping for some advice...

I recently ended a 7 year relationship because it was going no where. I wanted to at least start planning or even thinking about having a future, and a baby-but he won't plan for anything. I couldn't sit around and hope that he would change his mind and want the same things I do...I honestly felt like he would keep things just as they were for the next 20 years and be absolutely fine with it. Uuugghh. Very frustrating. So, I met this guy through work who is honestly, one of the sweetest men I've ever met in my life. He has a huge heart. I never would've went for someone like him (physically speaking) though he is not ugly by any means...he just isn't normally what I'm attracted to. Although, after talking with him, I became attracted to him because he is so, SO sweet. I kept thinking "this has got to be too good to be true." Well, I found out that the huge flaw he has is that he is really, really insecure. He pouts and tries to make me feel guilty, and gets all flustered about the stupidist things. Then I get angry, he apologizes, and we're ok....until the next time. I am so frustrated with this because I used to be really insecure I kind of know where he is coming from. But at the same time it really can grate on my nerves. I don't know how to handle him when he gets like that and I get all ******. He tells me that I'm right, and he needs to work on his insecurities, and I honestly think that he has been trying. But he can be a bit clingy too, and it makes me all confused... like, do I try to be patient with him and see what happens? Do I just stop spending time with him and leave it alone? I've never met a guy like him...a guy with so many emotions. Its hard for me to handle since I'm not used to it. Does anyone out there have advice or have been through something similar?

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Old 04-03-2010, 12:22 PM   #2
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Re: How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

Can you give some examples of the things he gets pouty about? If he is using it to guilt you into doing or being what he wants, then he is manipulative rather than insecure. Be careful with this, the sweet side of him may disappear if you take too long to become what he wants. It sounds a bit game-playing to me, more frustrating to deal with than actual bullying in the long run. Like feeling that you are kicking a puppy when you go up against it. It will get old very soon. Cheers, Sera

Old 04-03-2010, 03:46 PM   #3
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Re: How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

early signs of abuse. run.
he's trying to lay his problems on you...
he's not insecure, he knows exactly what he's doing. apparently he's a good manipulator.
do some research about emotional & verbal abuse.

Old 04-03-2010, 09:49 PM   #4
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Re: How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

Seraph, I've made this error in judgement, staying with someone because he was "so sweet". That sweetness may turn to ugliness. If (and I hope you are) you are going to stay out of his life, you must cut that string that ties you together, immediately.
I feel as well, that it's not a good idea to "be friends" with an ex, especially an insecure ex. It's wise to not allow him to know where you are, or are living. Please get some support from your friends and family on this. Get them to back you up in your decision and to not disclose anything to him, should they run across him. If he gets the notion he wants you back (especially if he hears you are dating again -that's when the pouting and insecurities will flourish further) and realizes it's over with him, he may turn violent and unpredictable. Please protect yourself by first, running, and second, staying hidden from his reach. Please tell your family and friends to back you up. Good luck.

Old 04-04-2010, 11:17 AM   #5
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Re: How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

She was talking about 2 different men. The "sweet" guy is a new guy, not her ex.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

Old 04-04-2010, 11:51 AM   #6
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Re: How to deal with an insecure man...any advice?

I'm agree with seraph. I think this guy is playing some sort of game. I too would worry that he is more of a manipulator then insecure. I dated a guy once who was really sweet.......this guy would even cry if he felt the moment was right! UGH! In the end, I realized it was a game. A way for him to look so pathetic and gentle that I would give in. And that's exactly what ended up happening. But let me tell you something, the day I got a backbone and stood up to him was the day he turned very very ugly. All of a sudden mr. sensitivity was anything but! Better for me to be away from a person like that and I hope you do the same.

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