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pushing away

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Old 04-04-2010, 05:32 PM   #1
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pushing away

So I've only been with my boyfriend for 2 months, but was with him before a little under two years ago. Everything started off perfect, he said all the right things, did all the right things, made me feel on top of the world. I'm completely comfortable around him with just about everything, he knows my secrets, I know most of his. But he continuously does things that I've told him bother me. He's constantly texting his ex of over a year, never puts down the phone, which always makes me feel like I'm still coming up after her. For example, the other evening he took me to 'the view' for a bit of a romantic getaway. We sat outside of the car, arms around me, then we went back in. This is when he decides to tell me there was another reason he wanted to go; his ex was in the car behind us. Apparently he wanted to **** her off, but just ****** off the guy she was with. Then ended up staying out til 4 in the morning with his ex, just the three of us. Yet i've told him soooo many times that she makes me uncomfortable. But all he has to say is "she's just a friend."... who's still completely in love with him and will not stop. So i constantly bring up how she bothers me, and that just pisses him off. I can't get over the fact that they were together for over a year, and that he still has to talk to every day about all his problems, even us.

Also, it seems like every time we fight, no matter what it was about, it comes back to me, and i end up taking the blame for it. It makes me feel like i'm constantly doing something wrong and pushing him away.

How do i stop making my boyfriend mad by making mountains out of mole hills?

nothing i do seems to be right.

Last edited by cadie; 04-04-2010 at 05:33 PM. Reason: word

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Old 04-04-2010, 05:46 PM   #2
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Re: pushing away

I'm sorry but there is nothing you can do to make someone do something they don't want to do. Unfortunately, you are a rebound girlfriend and the only thing about you he needs is to display you to his ex. I wish it were different but he has made it quite clear that he and his ex are playing games of seduction with each other and you and her boyfriend are just part of the game. If it were me I would just end it...what he wants is his ex back and she too wants him back. good luck.

Old 04-04-2010, 06:27 PM   #3
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Re: pushing away

Agreed. He has major unfinished business with his ex. Tell him straight (and mean it, and do it) that you are out of there until he sheds this baggage. Remember Princess Diana, and the "third person" in that marriage? It is her he wants, not you. You are just a thing to punish/tease her with. Don't allow yourself to be used this way. Sera

Old 04-04-2010, 07:24 PM   #4
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Re: pushing away

He's using you; you're nothing more than a prop. Get out of this.

Old 04-05-2010, 07:32 AM   #5
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Re: pushing away

A couple of things to deal with -

1) You are NOT making mountains out of molehills. He was very disrespectful to you and it's very clear he's still incredibly emotionally invested in this other girl. He'd rather make her jealous and call her all the time than care about your feelings or wants or needs.

2) I have to agree with the other posters, it seems you are just a rebound girl for him.

3) you CAN'T stop making him mad. You make him mad simply by being YOU, and not her. She's the one he really wants to be with, she's the one he really wants. Why they aren't together, I don't know. But the anger and the frustration and his putting all the blame on you for all your fights or what not is because he's just not that into you. You're not who he wants, so he takes it out on you. You make him angry and frustrated by not being her.

4) When he says they're "just friends" and he has no emotional hang overs with her, he's LYING. Men have been known to do that from time to time.

5) He told you outright that he used you to make her jealous. I can't believe he actually said that to you. But what's even more unbelievable is that you are still with him, trying to figure out how to not make HIM mad, when you ought to be walking out his door and leaving him and his "ex" to work out their issues. That's what a smart, self-respecting woman would do. So you should really think about being a smart, self-respecting woman.

Oh, and p.s. she doesn't have to stop loving him if she doesn't want to. She's free to love him as much as she wants for as long as she wants, the rest of her life if she wants to. It's HOW HE RESPONDS TO IT that makes it part of your relationship with him.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 04-05-2010 at 07:33 AM.

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