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I'm stuck ....ugh

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Old 04-05-2010, 01:29 PM   #1
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I'm stuck ....ugh

It's been 3 months since my break up. He is already with and living with someone else .....and I'm stuck in the painful aftermath.

I'm doing all the right things ....keeping busy, going out with friends, calling people when I want to call him .......trying to push any thoughts of him out of my head ...made lists of the "cons" and posted on my mirror and fridge so I could remind myself, etc.

I'm still NOT moving past this. WTH ....I am drowning in my own misery. Instead of anything getting easier it's getting worse. I miss him more with each passing day. Time is not being my friend.

Also ...I began hanging out with one of my male friends who is just crazy about me ....he knows what I'm going through and tries each and every day to ease my pain and make things better. We go to dinner, movies, out, boating, friends houses, etc ....he pays for everything ...always trying to help me and make me fee better, etc .....and I just can't bring myself to like him. Every time I think I'm getting better, I panic ...I push him away and have an overwhelming need to call my ex.

WTH is wrong with me? He has already moved on ...why can't I. Or even if I'm not ready to "date" least I could move on to the feeling better phase .....ugh

Any other ideas on how to get past this?

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Old 04-05-2010, 01:54 PM   #2
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

I know it's hard to believe but you are actually in a better place than your ex who has "moved on". That's because after such a long relationship, no one can be ready to move on as quickly as he did. All he did was pack up all his mental baggage and move it from you to her. He still has it and is unpacking it on her now. She'll find out soon enough. He has not dealt with it.
You, on the other hand, have a conscious mind and heart that is telling you that it is too soon to move on and date again. Your conscious is protecting you from jumping into another realtionship so fast. You have not had the time to heal and re-evaluate your needs and become independant again.
The way I see it, YOU are dealing with what needs to be dealt with NOW, the pain, the processing, the grief. Your mind is telling you that it hurts and so you are very wisely listening and not jumping into another reationship yet.
Your ex on the other hand, is NOT dealing with anything at all. He's just in denial and thinks he can move on and all this baggage and his issues will somehow magically dissappear in a new realtionship. They won't. They will all surface with HER.

So before you wonder why he is so fortunate to be able to move on from you so easily, don't. Because at some point he will have to feel the same pain from healing that you are. Even if he goes through seven more realtionships that fail first thinking he can run from his issues, eventually he will face the same music you are facing now. Unless he plans on never having a healthy realtionship with anyone and ,well, that's his problem, right?

So as bad as it sucks, at least you can know that the pain you feel is normal and healthy and necessary to move on and heal. You're doing it, even if it feels like it is taking forever. Your relationship was a long one, so don't beat yourself up over how long it takes you to "get over" it. It will happen, with each passing day. It will happen!!! And guess what....your ex will still be out there living in denial and most likely unleashing all his issues onto some other poor unsuspecting woman. Be happy that is no longer YOU!

Last edited by River rocks; 04-05-2010 at 01:55 PM.

Old 04-05-2010, 06:03 PM   #3
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

Wise words from River. To add a bit, your relationship has died. You are grieving the same as you would with any other death. There will be stages you will go through, and come back to. Let it happen, it is really healing you so when you do surface from it (and you will) you will have processed it all in nature's healthy way. Sorry you are in pain, but it has its functions. Sera.

Old 04-06-2010, 08:42 AM   #4
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

Thanks guys .....honestly I don't see myself coming out of this. I imagine I will be stuck in love with someone that clearly never loved me.

I guess "acceptance" is close as I can expect to get to recovering from this.

I need to accept that it didn't work ...accept that he moved on ....and accept that he never cared.

So hard getting there.

Old 04-06-2010, 08:50 AM   #5
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

you WILL come out of this.....eventually
why would you continue to love someone who didn't love you and who didn't treat you me....after a while, you won't even like this clown.....

Old 04-06-2010, 10:02 AM   #6
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

I don't want to love him .....and I hope you're right Rose. Just thought I'd be farther along's been 3 months !!

Old 04-06-2010, 11:52 AM   #7
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

Not trying to scare you or anything, but 3 months isn't that long. I was with my first love for two years and it took me almost a year to get over him. By "get over him" I mean I could hear anything he was doing and not be seriously affected by it and I could date other people without thinking of him. However, it gets better and better. I was doing a lot better at 6 months than I was at 3 months. Don't beat yourself up for being sensitive and dealing with things. I've heard so many girls complain about how guys can just seem to move on immediately and it takes us longer. It's not fair but you will look back on this and think thank GOD I moved on. You will meet someone else who is way better and you will look back on this and laugh. I promise. That's just how it works.

Old 04-09-2010, 09:39 AM   #8
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

you know, I'm kind of going through the same thing and I can relate to you! even though its been 2 months for me, we dated off and on for 5 yrs and now I hear through the grapevine he's out there and dating.. yes it hurts, and I'm ****** off b/c I havent even met anyone worth dating yet! and I feel like I should by now! its not the same exact situation as you, but its kind of close. But you know what, as sad and hurtful as this whole experience is, I keep telling myself, if it's meant to be it'll be. Fate will bring us together and work things out if we are meant to be together. or, fate will lead me to someone new. I also continue to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes good things fall apart so BETTER things can fall into place... its true! ... and i've learned that you cant go out looking for someone, it just has to happen on Gods time. Im catholic so i apoligze if your not in advance, but God has a plan for everyone. He had you guys break up, and seperate for a reason... and maybe that reason is for him to open up another door, and bring someone better to you that you deserve. so keep your chin up, there are other people going through this (like myself) and worse... it gets better.. just take it day by day and keep thinking positive! smile!

Old 04-09-2010, 10:40 AM   #9
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Re: I'm stuck ....ugh

I once was hung up on this one guy and I couldn't figure out why. He was exciting to be with, but at the core he was basically a jerk.

In the end, the conclusion I finally came to was that I didn't miss HIM, I missed who I was when I was with him. He could be a real jerk but he was adventuresome and he got me to do things I never would have done on my own, like ocean kayaking. So what I really missed was who I was when I was with him. Once I realized that, I was able to move on.

I don't know if that helps or not, but it's another perspective you might consider.

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