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    Old 04-16-2010, 06:26 PM   #16
    Belly Kelly
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    Re: ~ need a man's advice ~

    As someone who went through something similar years ago, he will get through it if he seeks proper help. I didn't have anything sexual that happened to me, but I had scary charges brought against me, it was in the media, and I thought my life was about to end. And it was over something that I didn't even know was against the law! Seriously, I wasn't out to break the law when it happened, but they can try to throw any charges on you and see what sticks. Luckily, I prevailed in the end and the charges were all dropped and I have no criminal record.

    I went through 8 months of therapy and I still cry about the incident when I think about it, but it has made me a stronger person in the end. I got back on track, had a fabulous career before becoming a mom, and put it all behind me.

    Good luck! Time does heal all wounds.

    Last edited by Belly Kelly; 04-16-2010 at 06:27 PM.

     
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    Old 04-19-2010, 06:35 AM   #17
    mariagar
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    Re: ~ need a man's advice ~

    okay thanks thats some good advise .
    Ive tried to ask him to go & see someone & he wont . ???
    Ive even told him i would go with him.
    This weekend i told him that i loved him ..... i had to do it ...
    it was eating me up.Did i make the wrong choice ?

     
    Old 04-19-2010, 06:39 AM   #18
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    Re: ~ need a man's advise ~

    yes that is true , the court thing is coming to an end soon , but its been 1 year almost.
    What he has been accused of is the thing he HATES more in life. Its hard .... i feel that
    im not doing enough.Ive moved in with him for almost 2 months now , he is communicating more with me , wants to talk .... where as before he would push me away & than bring me back.He is showing signs of willing to try with me .....
    he is affraid that if we get into a fight or something that
    i will call the police on him ....

    Last edited by mariagar; 04-19-2010 at 06:42 AM.

     
    Old 04-19-2010, 07:57 AM   #19
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    Re: ~ need a man's advice ~

    Why would he think that you would call the police on him if you got in a fight? That's doesn't make any sense. I've gotten into plenty of fights with my bf's over the years and the thought of calling the police never crossed our minds.

    I don't understand? Unless we have a different definition of the word "fight". I'm talking about arguments where we are both yelling at each other and words are exchanged that may not be suitable for kids. There was never any physical violence in my case just a lot of yellin and possibly some doors slamming.

    But if there is concern in your case that there may be physical violence if a fight breaks out, then maybe you should call the police in that case?

    Last edited by Kszan; 04-19-2010 at 08:05 AM. Reason: Added some stuff

     
    Old 04-20-2010, 06:00 AM   #20
    mariagar
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    Re: ~ need a man's advice ~

    No that isnt what im refering to at all, He isnt that type of man.
    In his mind he thinks all women are out to get him at this point. So for him even accidently
    bumping into someone on the streets (for example) (a women ) He is paranoid that even the smallest thing ...... that may NOT mean anything to you or me ..... he is thinking will they call the cops .... Do you understand ?
    His trust level isnt even there .... he views everyone (women) as someone that could possibly hurt him again.
    I have tried to tell him that NOT all women are like that , LIERS ,trouble makers,
    looking to cause someone pain .But right now ... its hard for him to see that .
    I know he trusts me ... i love him ... he knows that ... But how can i open his eyes to see that i WONT hurt him or his family ? i love them all .

     
    Old 04-20-2010, 07:41 AM   #21
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    Re: ~ need a man's advice ~

    You can't control anyone else's actions or thoughts. All you can do is act in a consistently honest, respectful, trustworthy fashion. It's totally up to him whether he wants to get healthy enough to see it and appreciate it and trust you. And he may never make that choice, and that's something you're just going to have to accept. You can't love someone into loving you. It has to be totally their choice to be loving, trusting and healthy enough to be in a good relationship with you. This guy sounds exceedingly paranoid. Perhaps even to the point of mental illness.

     
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