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Old 04-20-2010, 12:22 AM   #1
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ok, the main question:

Can an over-sensitive person have a working relationship?

For those who also want to read some story:

So some of you might already know me and the relationship i had. For those who don't, i've had an internet relationship where both of us are gamers. She had been diagnosed with aspergers (a year ago), some of people on this forum suspected that i have it myself too.

So it is now 3 weeks passed as she broke up with me after finding out (well, i told her) that i was talking about our relationship issues with other people (i've been discussing issues on these forums).

The reason i discussed issues was to understand what is normal, what is wrong, to get advice on how to improve, how to solve issue.
Sometimes i wanted to get support when i thought i was the right one. I must admit (now. Because back then i didn't notice it) in such cases i would describe situation in a form that would make me look better than her, but some people on these forums didn't get blinded so i was getting negative, towards me, replies And that helped understand many things.

So, while this was a secret, i thought our relationship was getting better and better because of people who helped me here.

What does this have to do with over-sensitiveness? Well, it is now clear that i have been reacting too emotionally to A LOT of words and actions done. I don't know what comes first, but along with over-sensitivity, there is also self-centered personality.

Whenever something happened, i thought it's about me, that maybe i'm not worth, not good enough, or i did something wrong.
What did this cause? Well i would start over analysing what happened in the past, remember words said, emote-icons posted (i am sensitive to these. If person posts such icon i will take it as he is feeling THAT way. So positive emote-icons make me happy, and negative either sad or stressed).

I always thought she was honest person, but once i get triggered, i start analysing situation and this led to doubting her. After few of her reactions of "you don't trust me?!", i acknowledged that i had trust issues, so every time i was getting the vibes which make me doubt her, i would just tell myself that i have a problem with trust and i should believe her.

So, most issues we had, was because i was triggered by some word, i would then become moody if this issue couldn't be solved right away. And i'm feeling cranky until the issue gets solved. So i come to these forums to discharge myself and get solutions/advices.
At this point, she seems to already have fell out of love and is super happy. I, on the other hand, am feeling depressed every day.

I am currently working (trying to) on a final project for the university and hoping to start working on my over-sensitiveness by appointing for a psychologist. But uni will be done in about 2 months, so i won't be able to see psychologist by then. So 2 months of pain in my heart awaits me x_x.

Do you think i will be able to fix myself with help of psychologist, or am i doomed to never have a working relationships?

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Old 04-20-2010, 12:43 AM   #2
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Re: Oversensitive

Hello again...Of course you are not doomed, relationships are where we learn a lot about ourselves, as we learn about another person. Most relationships turn out to be great places to gain insight on ourselves and how we relate to to others, but are not necessarily for ever. Each relationship we have has things of value, and things that we don't have any need for.

They are usually painful in the end, but with that pain comes great learning. The idea is to go on with what you have learned, and make adjustments for the next one. For each door that closes, a window opens.

I think it is obvious that you have given great thought to your situation, with the idea of replacing some of your thinking with healthier ones, and that is always good. If you get a chance to get some support from a professional, it can only help, but you can continue your journey until the appointment comes by focusing on the positive things about your life, re-enforcing what you have discovered, and continuing to reach out for positive situations for yourself.

My grand dad always said that love is not about finding someone to love, it is about finding someone to love you. So be the best you that you can be, and things will be better.

I am extra sensitive myself, and I understand how you have to modulate your feelings sometimes, as the world can be a pretty insensitive place, and words and gestures get thrown around loosely. It's good that you recognize that in yourself, so you can buffer yourself from those.

I wish you well

Old 04-20-2010, 07:45 AM   #3
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Re: Oversensitive

I don't know that you're really oversensitive.
could it be that she doesn't seem sensitive enough because you're dealing with her over a computer and she has aspergers?

Old 04-20-2010, 12:18 PM   #4
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Re: Oversensitive

Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
I don't know that you're really oversensitive.
could it be that she doesn't seem sensitive enough because you're dealing with her over a computer and she has aspergers?
Exactly what I was thinking..

Old 04-20-2010, 06:40 PM   #5
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Re: Oversensitive

I still think you need to look for a tangeable person whom you can communicate with on a one to one.....face to face basis. I am sure this was all exciting and new to you at first....but your last couple posts would suggest that this relationship has run it's course. I hope you find the courage to get out there and find what it is you are looking for instead of settling. Good luck.

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