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Once a cheat, always a cheat?

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Old 04-22-2010, 10:28 AM   #1
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Once a cheat, always a cheat?

Just wanted to get the scoop on what everyone believes on the above subject?

Do you think once a person cheats that they will cheat again no matter what or is it possible that they regret their mistake and won't do it again?

Just wanted to hear what you all think on the subject.

Reason being: I cheated on my bf back when I was 19 years old because he did it to me first. I know....stupid. I know two wrongs don't make a right. A revenge thing, but I was young. I felt extremely guilty after and cried for weeks about it even though I knew he did it to me first. Well for obvious reasons we broke up thank God and I met someone else that I have been married to for 21 + years and have never or would never cheat on my husband. Just a thought.

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Old 04-22-2010, 11:35 AM   #2
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Re: Once a cheat, always a cheat?

It depends. If a "cheat" grows up emotionally, I believe he/she can change.
I know we hear a lot about serial cheaters, and they exist sure enough. But I do think poeple have the capacity to change.

My boyfriend cheated on a past girlfriend. He is very open and honest about it. He is not proud. But he genuinely believes he is a changed person, and that his cheating was during a time that he was angry at the world (it was post divorce). He feels he has healed, feels secure and happy without any reason to cheat anymore and I believe him.

So I think it is possible for a past cheater to reform, its just not always the case.

Last edited by River rocks; 04-22-2010 at 11:35 AM.

Old 04-22-2010, 02:44 PM   #3
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Re: Once a cheat, always a cheat?

Any person in the world has the capacity to cheat. It's an urge that you either deny or allow to come forth. For some, cheating is simply a way of life, and yes, they will cheat again and again. For many, cheating occurred for a "reason" - no, I don't believe there is ever a GOOD reason, but I believe that every person who has cheated can cite the "reason". Cheating once does not mean a person will cheat again. Especially if you understand the "reason", and commit to making a relationship work. In today's world relationships have become easily disposable, making cheating easy. It takes years for many people to learn that a relationship takes work, that your feelings will ebb and flow, and that the "passion" doesn't always last but a true love will last.

My ex-H cheated on his first wife, then went ahead to cheat on me. He is one of the types who will find his "reason" when it's needed. If he is depressed or unhappy in the relationship, then it is "okay" in his mind because it's the other person's fault, not his. But he's not the norm, and I am a firm believer in the good in mankind.

Kudos to you for learning your lesson and remaining faithful to yourself and to your husband!

Old 04-22-2010, 02:50 PM   #4
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Re: Once a cheat, always a cheat?

I think you have to look at the all the signs.....not just the cheating to answer that. Was this person ever thoughtful and considerate? Or have they allways been kind of selfish and disrespectful? My husband had multiple internet affairs which some people constitute as cheating and others do not. I know it sure felt like the biggest betrayal in the world to me at the time. Once he was caught he made light of it. But when he realized that batting his eyes and giving lame excuses wasn't going to get him out of anything and that I had one foot out the door, he changed his tune. He never did cheat again. Heck, he never left the house with out me again! Sooooo, I think it depends on the man, and the other signs. Good luck to you.

Old 04-24-2010, 01:57 PM   #5
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Re: Once a cheat, always a cheat?

Well since I still haven't recovered from my spouse wanting out of our relationship (lost job), and we had been best friends for 35+years, I no longer trust that if the situation is right, men won't go for it, unless his partner is with him 24/7.

It's become so acceptable these days; especially if there's a "family" that they want to keep together for them. But even then, men get "tired" of the normal changes in a long term or even short term relationship, and want the green grass on the other side of the fence. It's the "animal instinct" in them.

Oh dear, such a negative outlook, but when you've been so betrayed, tough to get over.

Old 04-24-2010, 06:38 PM   #6
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Re: Once a cheat, always a cheat?

Dr. Phil says "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". Some people can change but it takes alot of hard work.

Old 04-24-2010, 08:53 PM   #7
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Re: Once a cheat, always a cheat?

I used to cheat and I never would now. This is for many reasons - I used to drink and do drugs, I used to be in bad relationships where I resented the person but couldn't find the strength to get out, I have matured a lot and have just become a more dependable person. I can't imagine cheating on my current boyfriend, but I'm sure a couple of my past boyfriends would tell you that I will always be a cheat when I know I won't.

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