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Old 04-23-2010, 09:48 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: nc
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browneyedgurl HB User
new to this

i have been married will be 4 years next month but we have been together for 7 i love my husband with all my heart , he was recently diagnosed with bipolar and was put on meds i dont know how much more i can take the mood swings the eratic behavior the sextual indiscretions im tired of being walked all over like its my fault when alll i do is try to help me now this time it is really worse i had to go and get an std tests because he decided in 2 weeks he loved me but wasnt in love with me and found a women who he met while driving over the road and in 2 weeks he was in love with her they had sex now he is back he says he loves me and is in love with me he made a mistake but then he wont cut off contact with her , i had to go and get an std test because i dont know this girl he dosent either and now on top of his bipolar him cheating std test i have to worry if he got her pregnant i dont know what else to do all i do is work cry clean house cry , wake up in the middle of the night crying i need some kinda advice i dont want to give up on him because i do love him

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Old 04-24-2010, 08:32 AM   #2
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Re: new to this

With medication and proper treatment and medication, people who suffer from bi-polar disorder can lead pretty normal lives. You say he was recently diagnosed, but you don't say HOW recently. A month? 6 months? Before or after he met this other girl?

From what you said about all you do is cry and clean house, I take it you don't work and you depend on him financially? If I were you I would first of all have an initial consultation with a dissolution and family law attorney. Many of them have free intial consultations. Just to see where I stood and what my rights were. Then I would go to my husband and tell him that breaking off any and all contact with this woman is a condition of my staying with him. Sick or not, if he's willing to work on your marriage and willing to try to get healthy and be a good husband to you, then he should understand that she needs to go, completely and totaly out of both your lives for good. If he doesn't, then you need to look out for yourself. You can't spend your life sitting around waiting and hoping and wishing for him to love you enough to be who you want him to be. There comes a point where you have to take responsibility for the decisions you make, and that includes the self-nullifying decision to expose yourself to bad treatment and stay in a situation where you are being seriously dishonored and disrespected. You have to be strong enough and love yourself enough to be able to say that if he doesn't shape up, he ships out.

Old 04-24-2010, 08:34 AM   #3
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Re: new to this

I know that true bi-polar is a very serious illness. However, I do not believe that this is why people cheat and lie. This goes to a matter of character, not moodswinds. Bi-polar......from my experience with it and I have had LOTS of experience with it, is more a matter of extreme mood swings. Here is an example of TRUE Bi-polar. One minute your so happy you want to buy a house even though you dont have a job and owe money to everybody. But you are so darn happy that you can do the impossible! You are buying a house today and that's all there is to it! Then your family says you cant, there is no possible way. You ignore them but continue with your plans. So you go to the bank and apply for the loan. They dont even process it. The second they realize there is no income, no savings, no credit....etc......they tell you this is impossible and not going to happen. Now your so down and so angry. You feel like nobody cares, or understands, and everybody is against you. Which spirals into all the things wrong that have ever happened to you in life and you withdraw into anger and depression, until along comes somebody to give you a pep talk, and they say everything you want to hear, that you are loved, special, amazing.....and all of a sudden, your happy again. In fact, your so happy, your going to go back to college. But not just for a year, your going to be a doctor! This is bipolar. but cheating and lying, that's something else. That is a lack of character. Even on meds, you cant change that. And you cant reason with somebody who is otherwise ill. Something tells me this goes beyond bi-polar with him and he uses bi-polar as an excuse to get away with whatever else it is that he is doing wrong. I just have a feeling that he is a very ill man. YOU CANNOT FIX THAT! Nor are you at all responsible for him. I think you really need to think about what you want. If it were me, I would look at the past 4 years pattern. He isn't likely to change any time soon, and he's abusing you along the way. I say get out, and find a way to go on with your life with somebody healthy. Just be more careful next time in your choice. Good luck to you!

Old 04-24-2010, 09:06 AM   #4
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Redneon82 HB User
Re: new to this

Melissa, I agree 100%! Bi-polar is a medical condition, not something that gives people an excuse to lie and cheat! But they sure use it as one!

Remember, the fact that you "love" him isn't going to change him into someone who loves and respects you and treats you accordingly. I never seem to be able to get across to people that YOU loving him doesn't make HIM love YOU.

He's disrespectful and a cheater and is endangering your health...heck, endangering your LIFE! Is the fact that you believe you "love" him enough to ignore all of that?

The next time he cheats and lies (and yes, there will be a next time), think about how you can do something about your life so that you can make a game plan to be on your own. After all, even if you're afraid to be alone, alone is WAY better than living with someone who lies, cheats and endangers your life.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

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